If you have read my writing for a while, you know I have spent years learning about and sharing on the importance of boundaries. Today, I want to share one of the reasons boundaries are so important, especially as it relates to living out your God-given calling.
Most of us grew up singing (or have heard) the song, “This little light of mine,” written in the 1920s. It originated from Matthew 5:14-16 and has now been taught and sung by children for over a century. The chorus goes like this:
“This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine; Oh, this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.” Many recall the second verse, which says, “Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m going to let it shine.” I want to focus on the third verse, which says, “Don’t let Satan blow it out! I’m gonna let it shine.”
Since being tiny kids, we were taught these important lessons:
1. We are called by God to be light.
2. We need to guard that light.
The foe wants to put our light out any way he can. As life goes on, we very really see how the enemy sends gusting winds to try to blow out our light. We see how he sends in oppressive darkness to try and overwhelm it.
Thankfully, we as Christians know that “a light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). Yet, if we begin to care more about what other people think than what God tells us to do, we will unplug from our light source and can easily be snuffed out.
This is where boundaries come into the picture: One of the ways the enemy works to put our light out is by smothering it.
In Ephesians 6:12, the Bible tells us that the war we sense all around us is a spiritual battle. It says that we war not against flesh and blood but against rulers and principalities. Yet, the enemy can use people as a tool in an attempt to smother us to try to take our light.
Here’s why: When we shine the light of Christ, the enemy is threatened. He will do anything to make your light fade — anything to minimize, even eliminate, your effectiveness. One tactic I have seen him use is sending people into our life to smother us. And when we get smothered, we get overwhelmed. It is a physiological response.
And when we get overwhelmed, we get distracted from our calling, applying our full focus there, striving to find clarity in confusion, just to find breath again. This is why it is so important to be on to the enemy’s schemes and to both know and firmly maintain clear boundaries — to protect our peace and protect our calling.
Through years of experience and taking steps to gain strength through the Word of God, guidance from the Holy Spirit, healing in counseling, and knowledge from authors like Dr. Henry Cloud, here is what I have learned:
When people become comfortable blowing past your boundaries, you need to create distance. That is not to say we are not gracious as we set boundaries with people, as there is some understanding that must first be set. Yet, when I see a trend of someone overstepping my boundaries time and again, I become aware of the enemy’s schemes as well as their comfort with it.
If you have been in this situation – this smothering – you are aware of the darkness that attempts to set in and rob you of your time, your peace, and your own free will. That is not the Spirit of God. Jesus Himself gives us a choice to receive Him, because of His true love for us, and He is God!
When people blow past your boundaries, pay attention to that. When they attempt to force themself and their motivations onto you in a way that wastes your time, robs you of your peace, and distracts you from your calling, pay attention to that! If you bring it to their attention, they receive your boundaries and adapt, that is awesome! That happens in relationships. If you bring it to their attention and they do not, there is your answer. Waste no more time or emotion. Ask the Lord to take care of them, and continue forward with your God-given calling.
After all, you are called by God to steward the resources He has gifted you of time and focus. How you choose to use that is between you and God. We are accountable to God. Someone who attempts to slide into the place of God in your life is a counterfeit that does not belong.
It is imperative we are aware of the enemy’s schemes here and that we work to stay away from that darkness — that we protect our light. Because the Bible tells us to have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather to expose it (Ephesians 5:11). And there is no playing around here. There is no dipping your toe in to stay “good” with people, whose actions are attempting to snuff out your light, without you being affected by the dark. We must guard ourselves in order to walk in and remain in the light of Christ. That means moving on from some relationships.
Go into this ready that the enemy will try to then heap guilt on you in the form of sentimentality and loyalty. The foe will attempt to warp your sense of reality around that relationship as you look back to make you feel guilty, get sucked back in, and get distracted, and trapped, to get off of your calling. Don’t. Stand firm, rooted in the Lord.
I say this, because I have also learned about our own weakness in this process: In many cases, it is our own pride that keeps us in toxic relationships. We do not want to be unliked. We do not want to skew their perception of us. We do not want our reputation tarnished by not living up to others expectations of us. Yet, that pride and fear can throw us completely off course from the life God has called us to.
Do what is needed to stay in the light. Say the hard thing. Create your distance. Hold firm to your boundaries. And do not take responsibility for the emotions of others that do not belong to you. Pray for them, and release it. Their problems are not your problems, and they are above your “pay grade.” Bring them to the Lord, leave them there, and then continue on your path.
We must look to God only – Father, Son & Holy Spirit. When we do, He will remove us from unhealthy relationships and place us in healthy, fruit-producing relationships. He will give us the steps to love people well — not overly, not under — love without compulsion.
Learn to listen for and obey the Lord when He tells you to keep on walking. It may not make sense to you at the time, and it may even make you “look bad” to those who don’t understand. But this is where we choose to trust and obey God, who will always keep us on course inside His will when we look to Him.
On my journey towards laying and maintaining my boundaries, I have also learned this: It is hugely important to have the right people around you in order to live out the plans and purposes God has for your life. The kind of people I am describing are those who respect the boundaries you lay, because they genuinely care about and respect you and want to see you succeed.
Guard your heart, even your circle. Find the people who submit to God and respect the boundaries you lay. Do the same for others. And keep on shining!
Sarah Guldalian 