the cross – Sarah Guldalian

The Christmas Blues: From Joy to Grief & Back Again

As parents – and women, especially – we are natural nurturers. It is how God wired us. This is what motivates us to feed our children, to protect them, keep them safe, healthy, and warm. It also places us smack-dab in the middle of Christmas planning, and dreaming, and shopping, cooking, cleaning, inviting, and… hurting.

Our nurturing spirits say, “Let’s come together. Let’s be together. Is everyone good?” And this is where Christmas, the holidays, can hurt… Because not everything is good. Some are even missing from the table entirely.

Our minds seem to wander back to our childhood, and then the decades between – imagining Christmas trees, and Christmas meals, laughter — even arguments. Our memories are sweet, and they are difficult. As we experience conflicting emotions, it is easy to become perplexed and fatigued.

Our Christmas memories can be good… I see my grandpa’s face, and my grandparents flirting in the kitchen… My grandma hustling and bustling about on Christmas Eve, with matching gifts and stockings for the grandkids, full of popcorn balls, McDonald’s “money”, and real money she ironed before inserting into cards. And I remember Christmas Day at noon when my best friend and I, who lived around the corner, would joyfully swap gift lists over the telephone (with the curly cord), excited because we shared everything. Joyful memories.

Christmas memories can be beautiful, and they can be disappointing. I remember the difficult times in my household, when my parents struggled, and so we all did. As I think back on Christmases of the past, I see people there who I won’t see again this side of heaven, either because they are already there, or because of brokenness within family. And it can hurt, because things have changed.

Maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you see faces there too. Maybe you have lost someone, who has passed on, or miss someone you are now living separately from. Maybe you are grieving the loss of a dream or vision you once had of a spouse or having a child, and it hurts.

And so, this joyful time – adorned with greens & reds, gold & silver, gifts, treats, parties, and the joy of creating memories for our littles – they excite our heads and hearts. And yet, we feel the tension, maybe even manic in moments, at the pain and the joy at play at once.

But here, under the pressure, in the merry-go-round of ups and downs, between joy and grief, we can stop. We can lift our faces to heaven. We can open our arms and our chest to the sky, and we can cry out to God, in surrender, for His help. And, He is there. He is here. He is the center.

Jesus is the center. HE is the real thing. HE is the reason. Amidst the emotional chaos, all things can fall away, fall off. And we can focus on the one thing this season is about, who this life is about – the reason for this season, the reason we are here – Jesus. And He is with us: Immanuel, God with us. Always.As you stop and process, pray and laugh, and even hurt, here is truth we can cling to:

When all of the things have changed, Jesus has not. He never changes.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
And He never leaves us – not ever. He has always been. He will always be.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

When we feel alone in our memories, we can know: We are not alone now, and we were notalone then… I was not alone. My parents were not alone in the pressure. And you were not alone in that moment… in that very moment, because God transcends time. As He is with you now, He was with you then.

“Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.’” (John 8:58)

And so, as we prepare for Christmas – in this day, in this moment, throughout the week – we can have hope, because He is with us, Immanuel. He was with us then. He never changes. He never leaves. And He never will.

So, we can surrender all to Him – All that overwhelms: The past – the things, the people, the relationships lost… Even the present – the expectations, the successes, our failures…We can surrender them all, and fix our eyes on Him – on the baby in the manger, who surrendered His throne to be born in wood from a barn, in a body confined. He came to release us from the pieces, and the confinements of our minds and our lives. He came that we would be free, free from emotional and spiritual pain, free from the curse of death.

And we can even feel peace when our minds wander backwards, knowing He was with us then, as well. We were in His care then; we are now; and we forevermore will be, when we place our trust in Him.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

The Path Leading to Nowhere

Are you looking for God? Or are you looking for yourself?

If you are looking for yourself, apart from God, get ready for a painful and confusing ride. Let’s face it: Apart from Him, we have no idea who we are, and the exercise of “finding ourselves” is nothing more than a wild goose chase.

So many factors influence our thoughts and feelings daily from lack of sleep and fluctuating hormones, to more deeply-woven issues such as unforgiveness or pure selfishness, to fear influenced by powerful, external voices or the incessant drip of media.

For example:

Observing a beautiful person wearing a high-end outfit can be enough to change our whole course of existence, moving us to a wealth-motivated mentality, when viewed through a lens of jealousy.
Receiving a compliment from a person of clout could be enough to move us into an accomplishment, achiever mentality, where we begin putting tasks before people, when ego lies beneath the surface.
A raging desire to be known can convince us we are more talented or deserving than others, justifying us to push anyone out of our way, at any cost, to gain access to the lime light.
Unaddressed pain can move us into paranoia, chipping away at our view of those we can trust, altering how we relate to others and respond to situations, even how we view God.

If you are looking for yourself, you have joined me in a painful, embarrassing ride. Elevating self is a part of our sinful nature, yet it is a hollow journey that can lead to confusion, depression, and broken relationships. And my, how I continue to find myself in this position, even at my age. (Yeesh!)

Perhaps you are like me, and you have learned you cannot do this: You cannot “find yourself” apart from your creator. Apart from Him, I have no idea who I am or what I am supposed to do. I am like a reed blowing in the wind. Yet, when anchored in Christ, reading the Bible (God’s letter to us), we will no longer be confused by our own fickle, selfish nature, but we will know what is true, what is right, and how to accomplish every good work. [Check out 2 Timothy 3:16-17.]

If you are exhausted and found yourself caught in the midst of confusion (once again), quit trying to find yourself, and find God. What is He up to? Where is He leading you? How is He beckoning you into His work of redemption? Going where He goes and becoming a part of His movement is the place where we will find fulfillment, contentment, peace, and joy.

After all, we have been made in the likeness, in the image, of God, as His children. When we find Him, we find ourselves… we find our home, we find our calling, we find our peace.

Prayer

Dear Lord, I have done it again. I made it all about me. In my selfishness, insecurity, or ego, I made it all about me again. I went on a journey to find myself. Yet, I acknowledge I am nothing apart from you. Please help me follow you. Please help me know where to go and when. Help me to follow you in your work. Help me do my part – the part you created me to do. And please forgive me for trying to figure it out on my own. My ego is a problem, and I ask you to forgive me, correct me and put me back on course. Thank you for loving me through this journey and always. I love you, Lord, and I repent. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Forever Present

You were called by God to do the things God called you to do. You don’t always get to call it. And sometimes that is hard. And sometimes that is lonely. But I have found that Jesus is always there – wherever you are, even when you feel withdrawn and like you are nowhere at all. He is there.

And that is the thread… Jesus is the thread that weaves throughout our experiences, seasons and moments, that feel so painful, and joyful, and fragmented and robust. He is always there.

Whether you were called to be in your family, or you were called to a certain vocation, called to be the strong and silent, the loud and pioneering, or you were called to turn pain into compassion… the calling can feel lonely at times. But Jesus is always. Jesus is everywhere. Jesus is. He is with you, wherever you find yourself, plant yourself or end up by accident.

Look for Him. He is always there – wherever you are right now… in your lowest moment, your highest moment, in the darkness or in the light. Look for Him. He is omnipresent: present everywhere.

I feel a little low this week, but that is okay, because I know He is here. And His presence turns the low to high and the dark to light. Just knowing He is there makes anywhere okay.

Finding Our Way Home

The Lord is always calling us back, reminding us of His great love for us. He is a just God, and He is a good God. He knows there must be atonement for sin, that our sin debt must be paid. Yet, He cannot handle, He cannot fathom, living apart from us. He grieves deeply when we walk away from Him, even when we wander. As our Creator, He knows we are created, even wired, to be in relationship with Him.

We as parents become desperate when our young child wanders away. They are looking for freedom, yet we know what lurks around the corner, and so we desperately desire to help them, to protect them, because we love them.

God feels this way about us: He loves us, wants to help us and protect us, because He sees the pitfalls and the pain that lies around the corner. He sees if our ways are leading to death, and He so desperately wants to intervene to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.

Yet, in His love for us, He has given us free will. He does not want to control us. He wants to love us and be in relationship with us. Yet, we have a choice: To walk hand-in-hand with Him or to set off on our own.

So, He calls out to us again and again. He speaks to us in a still, small voice, guiding us. He speaks to us through nature – His creation, through music, through others. He speaks to us so clearly and directly in His Word, the Bible. He ever desires to be in relationship with us, now and forever.

I’m reading the Bible, in the book of Hosea, about God’s people, the people of Israel, walking away from Him. After guiding, leading, protecting, providing for and loving them, they have walked away from God and chosen their own projects over Him – lifeless, silver idols. You see a desperate Father who sees His children are headed for death – the just consequences of their choices, but He cannot bare it, though they have turned their backs on a relationship with Him. Yet, He does not give up on them, and He never gives up on us.

Eternal death was their consequence for sin, and so this loving Father determines to conquer even death for them. He says, “I want to free them from the power of the grave. I want to reclaim them from death” (Hosea 13:14).

Instead of death, what they deserved – what we deserve for our sins, He says, “I will cure them of their unfaithfulness. I will love them freely… I will no longer be angry with them. I will be like the dew to the people of Israel. They will blossom like flowers” (Hosea 14:5).

As a just God, He knows their sin must be rectified, yet His loves leads over anger, and He brings a cure: The cure is love. And so, He sends love into the world to rectify wrong. Love conquers. Mercy triumphs over judgement.

God sent Jesus to conquer death, to take on the consequences of our sins in our place, so we could be made right with God and spend eternity with Him. And Jesus, God in the flesh, the light of the world, the very person called “Love,” in His love, laid down His life by death on a cross to restore our brokenness, to make us right with God.

This is love.

This is God.

This is Easter.

Love has a name. His name is JESUS.

Jesus is calling you. Your Father wants to spend eternity with you. He changed it all, conquered it all, with you in mind. In His love, Jesus, the one who IS Love, died for you, rose for you and lives for you today. Will you live for Him, with Him, for eternity? Not one thing separates you from this opportunity.

If you want to receive this gift, the removal of your sins and eternity with God in heaven, as well as His love, protection and guidance in this world, whisper (or shout) this prayer…

God, I admit I have sinned. I need you. I surrender my life to you. I can’t do this on my own. I cannot live this life as you desire. I pray that you would help me. Jesus, I acknowledge that you are Lord, that you are way – the only way to the Father. I receive you as the Savior of my life. Save me. I invite you into my heart and into my life. Please forgive me for my sins. Heal me. Please help me. I want to walk with you, God. Please show me how. Please heal me and guide me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

An Inflow of Power

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” – God
2 Corinthians 12:9a

If you feel wounded, broken, even disqualified, gripped by fear, or shamed by failure, know that your weakness in this moment actually puts you in the most powerful position you have ever been in. How can this be?

Unlike people, God is not repelled by our weaknesses. He does not identify our area of weakness, label it a red flag, and then walk away. He is attracted to our weakness. When He sees we are weak, vulnerable, or hurting, He draws near to us. When we lean into the Lord in our brokenness, He comes in to those tender places, bringing healing and restoration.

When we invite the Lord into our situation, He takes the reigns of our broken life and cleans things up as they ought to be. And there is no more powerful, healthy, and whole position to be in than to have the power of God motoring our steps, our thoughts, and our plans. After all, He created us and planned every day for us. He certainly knows where and how to apply His power in our lives to strengthen and heal us in the most effective, God-honoring way possible. That is what we need most.

And when we sense HIS power at work in us, we are stunned by His overwhelming goodness and fulfilled. He fills in the emptiness, those gaps, with healthy things – hope, peace, joy, and good desires. Why would we want it any other way?

So, let us not hide from Him in our weakness, but welcome Him in so He might do what only He can do, and replace weakness and emptiness with the fullness of His power, radiance and love, that pours out in us, through us and out onto others.

Prayer

Lord, I am weak. I often feel vulnerable, afraid, and alone. Please come in and fill my emptiness with your power. Have your way in every area of my life. I ask you to fill the gaps, the holes, and heal the hurt. Please strengthen me by your glorious might. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Gift of Pardon

“God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy” (Matthew 5:7).

Mercy, def. compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm

In our anger and fear, we jump to conclusions, point our finger, and judge. Yet, consider this: Our anger, striving, jealousy, and desire for revenge, can cause us to see things through a tainted lens, distorting the truth. At any time, because of our sinful nature, we may actually be the one in the wrong – and only us. In our fear of being slighted, we may become the oppressor in need of mercy.

Though we say we should not trust others, even other brothers and sisters in Christ, the truth is, we should never fully trust ourselves. We are sinful, emotional, and reactive, and in need of God’s mercy all the time… ^“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

Therefore, it is so very important that we, “speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:12-13). And, oh, how we are in need of mercy every, single day!

Along the way, sometimes in embarrassing ways, I have learned how wrong I can be and how much mercy I require from the Lord and those around me. I have learned the importance of seeking counsel and a Godly sounding board to better process and understand a situation. I have learned the danger of processing on my own, in my limited, sinful view, by seeing the harm it can cause to relationships. I have come to see how easy it is to feel right and justified in anger. My, what a strange phenomenon that is to me! Our anger and adrenaline cloud our view and suddenly make us feel like a genius. Meanwhile relationships are damaged.

Through my experiences of judging others and myself through a skewed lens, the Lord has taught me ways to judge others more rightly: I have learned to judge a person by their fruits, not by my emotions. And I have come to see that this takes time, experience, and observation, not simply raw emotion. I am still learning to catch myself in this. I must remind myself to put this into practice when I begin to feel myself quickly judging a person or situation.

“Judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement” (James 2:13) So, I will sow mercy because mercy is granted to those who sow it. And I need mercy at any given time, even in moments when I don’t yet realize I need mercy or how important mercy is to me in that situation.

Let us sow mercy bountifully, recognizing we may be wrong at any given time, and we may not learn that until later, when we come down from our emotional high or have had time to reflect. Take into account how many times in the past you were wrong when you were so confident about being right in that moment. Think about the number of times God showed you mercy and bailed you out from the dire consequences your behavior deserved. Consider what Jesus did to redeem you from the pit of despair and the pit of hell because of His mercy for you, for us.

The mercy Jesus has shown us in the here and now and for eternity is so vast, so great. The mercy, compassion, and love He has poured out on us is a gift, nothing we deserve. And, if you can’t in your emotion remember all that has been given to you when you did not deserve it, at least consider walking in love and showing mercy as a gift to the person on the edge of the cliff.

“Be devoted to one another with brotherly affection, give preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10).

Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt and lavish mercy freely, knowing we need that mercy just as much. And let us remember that it was mercy and love that led Jesus to the cross to forgive our debt of sin, sickness, pride, anger, and shame. His love and mercy showed us preference over His perfect, sinless life here on earth.

Mercy and love led Jesus to the cross. May mercy and love guide us through our day. May mercy and love lead in our interactions, in our relationships, and in our decisions. We must lean into the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts, our minds and our emotions to do so. His love and mercy are available for us and through us when we submit our lives and surrender our attitudes to Him.

A Willing Sacrifice

“I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father” (John 10:17b-18).

For 10 years, I traveled very regularly, primarily to New York City and Chicago. One of my habits was sharing about Jesus’ love with my cab drivers. This made for some interesting conversations. Many of them were encouraging.

I encountered several who thought, or tried to convince me, that their religion and mine had the same God. They would say they even believed in Jesus. It sounded deceivingly similar. Yet, near the end of the conversation, they would work to plant a seed – a very dangerous seed that, if believed, could uproot the truth of who God is, and who Jesus is, in a person… They would say that Jesus only died because God the Father made Him, but that He didn’t want to die. One man told me directly, using scriptures out of context, that Jesus didn’t love me, that He only did what His Father made Him do.

In case you have heard this and have questioned this, or you have experienced this same objection or doubt, I want to share this crucial verse from Jesus Himself: “I lay down my life that I may take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father” (John 10:17b-18).

Jesus laid down His life for you, for us, out of His own willingness, out of LOVE. He chose to do this for us for our healing, our forgiveness, and to make us right with God so we could spend forever together… “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

It is SO crucial to our peace here on earth, and to our eternity after, that we recognize the truth and depths of Jesus’ love for us. It is also crucial that we are aware that the devil will use scripture out of context to uproot our fundamental beliefs and threaten our eternity. And it is crucial we stay in the Word of God to combat that with the truth of God’s Word! Or, if you are not a Christian, talk with a Christian friend about any of these things (like me)!

Here’s the truth: God loves you! Jesus loves you! Jesus died for you from His love. And there are not multiple ways to the Father, to Heaven. There is only one way to the Father, to Heaven, and that is through your faith in Jesus Christ as LORD – not as a prophet, teacher, or good person – as Lord. Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

Jesus loves us so, so much, you guys. He dotes on you – no matter where you are or where you have been. He wants to spend eternity with you. After all, He created you out of His love and desire to spend time with you – together, in fact! He has changed my life, and I cannot keep quiet about what He can do. He is so, so good!

I want to encourage you that Jesus’ love for you is real. He willingly laid His life down for you because He wants to spend eternity with you. I encourage you to ask Him about His love for you today. Praying is just a conversation with God, and the Bible tells us that He is attentive to our cry: “This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles” (Psalm 34:6). He is near, and He wants to save you from any trouble because of His vast and infinite love for you!

I know I cannot live a day without Him, yet His love is more than enough for every need in my life! I pray the truth of His love permeates your heart and mind today, in Jesus’ name.