Tag Archives: The Bible

Guided by Principle

Popularity is a fruitless effort. How could one possibly know what the other is thinking and feeling at all times, let alone a number of people? Does one even know how she or he feels at any moment in time? 

Popularity is a waste of time — even a waste of life. Not to mention, boundaries are crossed, responsibilities shifted, and hearts crushed at every turn. It is a journey we have all taken at some point just to find ourselves lonely, hurt, or confused along the way. 

I have experienced a lot — ups, downs, and all arounds. And I choose the route of principle. Friendships are beautiful and necessary. Yet, friendships are very different than being or doing what is popular. When you are guided by principle, it will be much easier to select friendships that result in love and growth. 

This is what I am teaching to the next generation: When you know who you are, what you stand for, and what you won’t fall for, it means you simply can’t morph. And that is my advice, for any of us at all ages — Don’t morph. 

Don’t betray your heart at the chance that you will be accepted one day. That one day might be fun, but I’d rather have a friend who sits with me on my worst day and supports me through it. Thank you to my sweet friends, of all ages and stages, who have done this for me along the way.

You Are More

How do you determine who you are?
Is it based on what you do?
Is it best on how you feel?
Is it based on where you came from?
How you make your living?
Who your friends are?
Where you grew up?
Your professional title?
Your past?
Your physical attributes or abilities?
Your strength and determination?
Is it based on what others think about you?
Is it based on what they think about your kids?
On your relationship with family?
What high school you went to?
What zip code you grew up in?
The brands you wear?
How do you determine who you are?

I have lost jobs and gained them.
I have gained clients and lost them.
I have lost weight and gained it.
I have gained strength and lost it.
I have lost popularity and gained it.
I have moved from anger to love and love to anger.
I have lost family and gained family.
I have lost friends and made them.

I have never lost Jesus.
When all else wained, He never did.
He has always remained the same.
He is the most consistent aspect of life.
He is all eternal. His love is forever.

The most defining and consistent identity marker for me is this: I am a child of God.

Praise be to God who never changes.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17).

Great is Thy Faithfulness. 👏🏻

Stella by Starlight: Junie-babe

I grew up in North/Northwest County. When I was born, we lived in Overland. My dad was in the hospital dying, but my Grandpa Jim swooped in and transported him from his hospital to mine last-minute so he could see my birth. The doctors almost didn’t let him in, because of how sick and emaciated he was.

My mom expected to raise my brother and me alone, but God did a miracle and healed my dad and eventually brought him home. But things were tight. My parents didn’t have income, but my grandparents and people from their church blessed them to help with childbirth and food until my dad was able to get back to work. My grandparents were there at my birth and with me nearly every day until they went to heaven.

My dad healed, got back to work, and my parents built a house in St. Charles on Towers. [Both of my parents are extremely hard-working people.] We lived there until I was five, when we moved to Virginia Beach for my mom to attend Regent University and work with the Christian Broadcasting Network.

We moved back after 2nd grade, and we lived with my grandparents – my best friends – until my parents found a house to rent in Maryland Heights just seven minutes away. My grandparents were over every day or we slept over there routinely. If I wanted McDonald’s, they made sure we went. They were always available for everything.

My parents then bought a house in Maryland Heights, where I grew up from 3rd grade through the beginning of my junior year of high school. My parents both worked, so my grandparents took us to school, picked us up from school, we stopped and got snacks afterwards, before going home.

Same with every sport. My grandparents were both avid athletes. They picked us up, attended, and took us home from baseball, soccer, and swim team. Same with our play and musical practices. I swam for Bridgeton for 10 years for the coach my mom and aunts had swam for. My grandparents were literally always on the sidelines cheering and yelling for us. I can hear Grandma yelling, “Go, go, go!” very loudly and vivaciously. lol

My grandpa, who was always at the house, finding something to fix – a way to be there for us – had the temperament of my husband — very calm, steady, hardworking, sharp as a tack, with each sentence he shared holding meaning and bringing peace. He was an angel to me. I needed him as we had some struggles, and he was always there for me.

He taught me “to stay in my own lane,” to “not look to the left or the right” — analogies that worked for competitive swimming, but also to life. He also taught me to “never love something that can’t love you back.” To this day, I could care less about my clothes or the inanimate objects that get donated or pitched.

My grandma celebrated literally everything. When I started puberty, I got an ironed $50 bill in a card, congratulating me for becoming a woman. And every single season and holiday… and even day… was a reason to celebrate. She was full of life and vibrancy.

My grandparents were huge community people. Living in the community of Carrolton Oaks in Bridgeton (since my mom was a baby), they both served in Bridgeton. They were at the Community Center every day, as avid athletes, and they served on boards and committees for Bridgeton.

My grandpa fought the City of St. Louis, with Bridgeton, on the runway that would run through their yard. He fought it for over a decade. [The airport would eventually tear down Carrolton Oaks and evacuate my grandparents and neighbors, but the runway would never be built.]

They helped the Senior Olympics here in St. Louis for at least a decade and took home nearly every single gold. [I saw the myriad and wealth of their metals yesterday.] We got to serve there, with cute outfits, free snacks, and fun mascots. My grandpa played football as a Razorback in college and then was on the squad as a kicker for the Detroit Lions after. My grandma swam a mile every, single day until her 80s.

My grandma was a support to every person in her life — her husband, her children, her grandchildren and her friends. Every Christmas, family from all over the country, would get a green or red calendar with the schedule of holiday events, and the same for Summer Vacation (here in St. Louis), which would include the Arch, the Zoo, Union Station, Grant’s Farm, the Muny, Cardinals games, the Adams’ Mark, Ted Drewes — everything St. Louis and everything American. [She grew up on Arsenal.] She loved musicals, so I do too.

If you said “shut up” or “hate,” you owed a dollar. Her belief was in edification… “let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.” She didn’t drink, and she had hilarious alternatives for swear words, like “fooey!” She called the refrigerator “the ice box” and the trash can “the waste basket.” lol

My junior year of high school, my dad would take a job in Milwaukee. It was a no-brainer to my grandparents – I would live with them. I had my own room anyways, and I was always with them. It was settled, it was perfect, and it was one of the very best times of my entire life. I lived with them in Carrolton Oaks until college. [They had to move Freshman year of college because of the airport expansion. Now there are chains, vines, and “No Trespassing” signs off of Natural Bridge where our neighborhood used to be.]

They tutored me. They took me to my orthopedic appointments for my back (and always celebrated with ice cream or lunch after, regardless of the prognosis). They came to any performance, rehearsal, Parents’ Day or Parents’ Weekend at every school including college. My grandma helped plan my wedding. [I had no clue, and I knew she loved all of that stuff. She made it really classy, and most of my cousins were in it. She loved her family fiercely.] She was ALWAYS taking pictures, which is where I get my love for photography.

I’ve spent every holiday with my grandparents, with very rare exceptions as I’ve aged. They have been my second parents my entire life. At moments, my first. I had my grandpa until I was 30, and I had my grandma until now — 43. I am incredibly blessed.

I won’t lie; I have struggled to find joy in moments based on pain-points in my family of origin. I know all families have had problems, and mine has been no exception. But having the spunk and joy of my grandma, the support and devotion from my grandpa, and their solid faith to back me up, it has made all the difference in my life.

Today, I am just relieved and happy for my grandparents. They are with Jesus in heaven, which is designed the way God intended for us to live. Their bodies are whole and so is their joy. And I will be reunited with them too one day.

I have been laying low to prepare for my grandma’s celebration of life and to allow myself some feelings. I’ve determined this — I am the legacy of my grandma… she is the paradigm of the Godly, hard-working, family-oriented woman, and the epitome of a doting wife. She was strong and passionate but the most supportive woman I have ever encountered.

And so, I will bring the joy and the spunk to the world that she taught me to bring, to light this place up with Jesus and His love. Time to chip away at this shell and get to work!

Our Bodies Matter.

Our bodies matter to God. There is a reason He thoughtfully decided to create each one of us and put us on earth. In fact, it is absolutely amazing to think of the great lengths and stories God has done to place us here.

Our son was conceived after we had people lay hands on us and pray for my womb when I was infertile. My system did not get straightened out through doctors before I conceived. I conceived when it just plain didn’t work and hadn’t worked for some time. It was God’s supernatural power at work.

I think about amazingly powerful people in God who would not have been here through the hands of men — multiple abortions performed that never took. I think of the life and cycle of conception and gestation alone, in every, single woman. And it is a miracle. An absolute miracle. I ate brownies, ice cream, and hamburgers, and I got these beautiful children. Nothing I did created the beauty and uniqueness of these physical gifts. God wove them together as a masterpiece.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

There is a reason God created bodies and that He put us on earth together – That He Himself even gave up His divine freedoms as Jesus came to earth in a body, confined to time and aging as we all do. Bodies matter. And the Bible talks about what our bodies will one day look like when Jesus comes back. Bodies matter.

We know we are not citizens here on earth. Our permanent residency is in heaven. Yet, God chose to create us uniquely this way for a reason. There is nothing accidental about it. We were not some random result of science. God Himself created the earth and everything in and around it. So our bodies matter. They have purpose.

What we do with our bodies matters. How we treat our bodies matters. How we treat the bodies of the conceived matters. How we treat other people’s bodies matters.

We are actually called to worship God with our bodies. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship” (Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭1‬).‬ This is one of the reasons I love the arts, especially as they relate to worship unto God.

I am prone to cry when I watch my mom or my friend, Vesta, use their bodies as vessels of praise through dance to worship the Lord. I am prone to awe as I watch my precious friends, Clifton and Eva, use their voices as vessels of worship to God. I am prone to awe and wonder as I see my husband and the musicians of StikYard use their bodies and instruments to powerfully worship God through sound and movement.

And the same rings true of my friends, Debbie Morris and John Morris, who utilize the food and exercise God designed to strengthen and heal the body. And I am so grateful they use their knowledge to teach others to honor their bodies, to honor God’s creation and His call on lives. Bodies matter, and the way we treat them matters.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Our bodies matter. And they confound us. I admit that I have struggled with this over the years — having a crooked, turned spine that can cause me pain, debilitation (since 10), and changed my shape. I admit I have struggled with how to eat and played with my diet to manipulate my body in unhealthy ways. I admit I drank too much when I was in college so I no longer want to touch the stuff. My body has confounded me at times – many times, and frustrated, I have not used it for worship.

Yet, God created me. He created this body, and it matters. It matters enough to be around for almost a century to be a walking instrument of worship, so it needs to be respected, loved, and tended to. I am working more and more on that. And I do thank people like Debbie Morris who inspire me with the how.

Today, maybe you want to join me, in giving back your body – and all that goes with it – where our feet take us, where we take the time to be, what we choose to eat, and how we choose to treat it – for God’s glory, with honor and respect for His creation. (If so, feel free to pray this along with me.)

Prayer

God, I love you. Thank you for creating me. Thank you for creating this body in my mother’s womb. Thank you for choosing me to be here to be part of your big, beautiful story.

I pray Lord that I would honor you with my body. I pray that you would show me how to properly tend to your creation – this precious life – and that I would use my body as worship, a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to you.

Thank you for caring about my body. Thank you for healing and restoring my body from damage and removing pain. I give you back my body and my time. It is yours. Help me use it as you have designed to live out your purposes for my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You Have Issues.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, even saying, “I have issues”?

The truth is, we all have issues. There are no people who have no issues. (Yes, you read that right.) The people who seemingly have no (or less) issues have either put in the time and work to get to the other side of (some of) them; or they exert great energy to keep them from surfacing. Why would they we do that?

As someone who has had lots of issues over the decades, let me name some of the reasons we exert such great effort to conceal them:

  1. To simply function.
  2. To feel some semblance of control.
  3. To feel accepted by society.
  4. To avoid “bothering” others.
  5. Because of stubbornness or pride.
  6. Because of fear.

Now that I have named reasons we conceal our issues, let me also label the above as things that will keep us from being healed if we don’t release them.  

I am sometimes on the other side of (at least the majority of) my issues, and sometimes I am smack-dab in the hot, sticky mess of issues. Sometimes I played a role in the creation of those issues, but a lot of times, they came out of nowhere from truly unexpected people and places.

When I am doing well, people ask how I got victory over those insanely crazy things. Let me first say, never did stuffing or concealing heal me. I once took pride in the fact that I didn’t cry for a decade, especially considering my experiences in that decade. But I won no trophies. Instead, my emotions came out as (lots and lots of) panic attacks and anorexia.

For each of the issues I have (to some extent) overcome, there is one common thread — I put in the time and really uncomfortable work to acknowledge and address those issues. And I never did it alone.

I have learned that healing takes time, but it’s not the kind of time people talk about, like “Time heals all wounds.” Time itself does not heal all wounds, especially if you marinated in a chaotic environment that created issues within you since childhood. Likewise, it’s not like living two years past a horrible trauma can suddenly – poof! – make you better. Clocks don’t do that.

The way time heals us is when we invest time in our healing. When we quit running around like a chicken with our heads cut off (avoidance) and set aside time to address issues, to get to the root of them, and deal with them, then time helps heal us.

There are some very precious people and actions that can aid in our time of healing. If you are looking to heal, to work on some of the issues that plague your thinking, rob you of peace, and attack your nervous system, you can!

Let me first say, I am no counselor. I am not a pastor. I am a mess. But I am a mess who is constantly being redeemed and refined by the grace of God. (And like any true mom, when I find something that works, I am telling the world!) So let me share the actions and people who have (and do) help(ed) me.

People We Need

  1. The Holy Spirit!

    There is no lasting healing without the Lord. Period. We are too tangled and locked up for any human alone to heal us. But Jesus left His precious Holy Spirit with us when He ascended as “the Comforter” to bring us comfort, wisdom, and peace that surpasses our ability to understand.

  2. Friends – actual friends (You know what I’m talking about.)

    If you have a friend who repeats what you say in confidence or judges you when you are truly yourself, that is counterproductive. This is not the friend I am talking about, no matter how long you have been friends.

    Connect with a friend who you know your heart is safe with, who you truly know wants to see you walking in joy and freedom, even if they are decades older or five years younger.

  3. A Counselor

    Counselors know how nervous systems work. They know how trauma works – how it impacts our brains, our bodies, and our relationships. They have tactics to help us move past the hurdles that keep us from healing to keep moving towards healing.

  4. Community

    We can’t heal alone! We need to talk to people. We need a hug! We need understanding. We need empathy. I don’t care how independent you are, you need this. We were wired to be in fellowship with others. It’s how God made us.

Actions We Can Take

1. Be willing to go “there” with your friend – to let down the façade and show them who you really are and what you are really experiencing. We all innately desire to be known, but we will never be known unless we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

2. Be willing to look weak, to even have hand tremors, by talking about the scary things that need light shone on them. Don’t be afraid of your own fear. Keep pushing ahead!

3. Be willing to have triggers.

Drive down that particular road to get to the place you need to go to get help. Be willing to go to that restaurant that reminds you of that experience if it helps you get through it. Push through!

4. Invest the time and money to go to counseling.

If they don’t take insurance but you have the money, do it! Your peace for the rest of your life – shoot, even for today – is worth the investment! Or, if you don’t have the money (been there), ask if they have a special program or know of one, they can refer you to.

I have been investing the time in all of the above – these relationships and these actions; and I can honestly say they have helped me so much. Not all of my issues are resolved. (In fact, I just laughed out loud at that notion.) Some issues may never be until heaven. I have gained so much, though.

I have truly experienced full freedom in some of them, developed rich relationships in the process, gained coping tactics for some that stick, and I have gained a lot more courage and fight in me by acknowledging and addressing these issues. And, honestly, I feel more loved — because I have learned so much about God and myself in the process. I have also given others a chance to truly know me, and so I know their love for me is genuine. That is a real gift from it.

Yes, it takes time, emotion, energy, and maybe even money, to heal from issues, but you deserve freedom! Invest in your healing. You are worth it. You will truly feel proud of yourself for being a good friend to yourself in the process. And that alone has truly helped me hold my head up high.

Sending you love, Sarah

Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever felt like God didn’t hear your prayer? Have you felt like your prayers, in one particular area, simply ricocheted against a wall?

Throughout my life, I have seen life-changing miracles – goosebump-producing breakthroughs and truly unexpected healings. Yet, in one particular area – an area where I exerted daily energy, efforts and prayer – I didn’t see breakthrough. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break or come up for air. Instead of breakthrough, the roller coaster of pain and confusion escalated – more disappointment, heartbreak, and fear – no matter what I did. I wondered why the Lord wasn’t hearing my prayer for breakthrough in this prominent area of my life.  

This past week at a Bible Study, Dr. Richard Blackaby said, “God has eternity in view.” This is exactly right. This is why He doesn’t answer our prayers the way our finite minds and fickle emotions call them. God has eternity in view. God’s ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Simply put, He knows more than we know, and His plans for our future are good.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Father God sees all things. He sees before and behind. He sees above and below. He sees the inside of a situation – not just the outside, our view.

God knew us – He planned us – before we were conceived. He knows the purpose He has placed in each one of us. He knows the calling He has on our life. He put it there. God knows what He has planned for us to accomplish in our time on this earth. He knows what He has in store for us for eternity.

There is an absolute reason God placed each one of us here. And He knows we will not be fulfilled until we are walking in the calling He has placed in our lives. He is the missing puzzle piece in any area we feel lack. There is no replacement for God’s presence or direction in our lives!

To live out the call God has placed on us, we must walk with Him. We must hear His voice. That means the sirens of life must die down. If we will not turn them down and we continue to run to their beckon call, we will run aimlessly through our days. Instead of living on mission, we will never find fulfillment. So, our Father – loving and gracious as He is – steps in. While we cling tightly to the familiar, just asking for a quick fix, Father God knows there is complete healing available in the release.

And our loving Father knows His children. He knows when we will not let go. He knows when we will not leave. So, instead of breakthrough – instead of opening the door we asked Him to open – His loving response is to give us an evacuation plan. He knows the best thing for us is to pluck us out of a situation. God knows that healing in this situation is not another band-aid but being removed from it altogether.

It can be heartbreaking – absolutely gut-wrenching – especially when it is all we know and our lives have been so intertwined with this situation. But some situations, some relationships, are a distraction. They threaten to pull us off course from God’s direction for our lives. They threaten to remove us from our calling altogether.

As God-fearing people who confess Jesus as Lord, we are to have no other gods – no other thing we cling to but Him. We, in our desperation, just want to satiate momentary heartbreak, so we run to others in the place of God. But God will not share His seat with another. We are not to put people on a pedestal. Only God is on the throne, and He will not share His glory with another. “I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not yield my glory to another or my praise to idols” (Isaiah 42:8).

To those who have submitted to His Lordship, He will stop us from running into the fire and destroying ourselves completely. This is all because of His merciful love towards us. In His love, He does not give us the finite answer we asked for in a complex situation, because He knows it holds spiritual and eternal consequences. Therefore, in our finite view, we sometimes see His answer as a “no,” but He is saying “yes” to full and complete healing for our lives. He doesn’t want us to settle or to lose it all.

What I have been learning is that there are natural consequences for sin. We cannot let people’s sin, including our own, change our view of God. God is always good and just. He, as a loving Father, will not spare us of correction, like insulant, spoiled children. He cares about us far more than that. He wants good for our lives and for eternity.

Father God knows who we truly are and where we are headed. He knows when we need a course-correction. He even knows when we will continue in the wrong direction for a lifetime. He sees that we are headed right into traffic where we are going to be taken out. So, as a loving Father, He picks us up and moves us out of the way.

When we find ourselves in silence, out of the commotion and chaos we are so accustomed, we may feel loss – the loss of the familiar. But God is here to replace our lack with His love, and He is ready to start the healing process within us towards wholeness.

Lastly, I think of the lame man in the Bible from John 5. He lived His life on a mat, in pain, carried around by his friends. One day, his friends carry him to the house where Jesus is. He has an encounter with Jesus. Jesus wants to bring him healing, but the mat must go. It cannot go into this next season with him, as it has with all of his seasons so far.

As we sit from the outside looking in, we get excited that this man is about to be healed by Jesus Himself. Yet, if you were the lame man in that moment, so physically hindered that your whole life has been confined to this mat, you might feel devastated if it is one day taken away.

Jesus says to him, “’Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’ At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked” (John 5:8-19). In one moment, his band-aid – his immediate fix – has been taken away, but it has been replaced with total healing and freedom. I believe God is answering some of our prayers today with these words, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

I pray today, that as you process through the changes in your life that may feel like loss, that you would lean on the Lord to fill all that feels like lack. I pray that He gives you fresh vision and fresh anointing for this next season of freedom for you and for your life.

I pray that the Lord surrounds you with His comfort, His love and His wisdom. I pray that He shows you how to move ahead and how it is for your good. I pray that He surrounds you with Godly friends and influences. I pray that you learn to hear His voice above all else. And I pray that His Holy Spirit does a healing work in you internally as He has been doing in me. In Jesus’ name.

Sending you love, Sarah

The Christmas Blues: From Joy to Grief & Back Again

As parents – and women, especially – we are natural nurturers. It is how God wired us. This is what motivates us to feed our children, to protect them, keep them safe, healthy, and warm. It also places us smack-dab in the middle of Christmas planning, and dreaming, and shopping, cooking, cleaning, inviting, and… hurting.

Our nurturing spirits say, “Let’s come together. Let’s be together. Is everyone good?” And this is where Christmas, the holidays, can hurt… Because not everything is good. Some are even missing from the table entirely.

Our minds seem to wander back to our childhood, and then the decades between – imagining Christmas trees, and Christmas meals, laughter — even arguments. Our memories are sweet, and they are difficult. As we experience conflicting emotions, it is easy to become perplexed and fatigued.

Our Christmas memories can be good… I see my grandpa’s face, and my grandparents flirting in the kitchen… My grandma hustling and bustling about on Christmas Eve, with matching gifts and stockings for the grandkids, full of popcorn balls, McDonald’s “money”, and real money she ironed before inserting into cards. And I remember Christmas Day at noon when my best friend and I, who lived around the corner, would joyfully swap gift lists over the telephone (with the curly cord), excited because we shared everything. Joyful memories.

Christmas memories can be beautiful, and they can be disappointing. I remember the difficult times in my household, when my parents struggled, and so we all did. As I think back on Christmases of the past, I see people there who I won’t see again this side of heaven, either because they are already there, or because of brokenness within family. And it can hurt, because things have changed.

Maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you see faces there too. Maybe you have lost someone, who has passed on, or miss someone you are now living separately from. Maybe you are grieving the loss of a dream or vision you once had of a spouse or having a child, and it hurts.

And so, this joyful time – adorned with greens & reds, gold & silver, gifts, treats, parties, and the joy of creating memories for our littles – they excite our heads and hearts. And yet, we feel the tension, maybe even manic in moments, at the pain and the joy at play at once.

But here, under the pressure, in the merry-go-round of ups and downs, between joy and grief, we can stop. We can lift our faces to heaven. We can open our arms and our chest to the sky, and we can cry out to God, in surrender, for His help. And, He is there. He is here. He is the center. 

Jesus is the center. HE is the real thing. HE is the reason. Amidst the emotional chaos, all things can fall away, fall off. And we can focus on the one thing this season is about, who this life is about – the reason for this season, the reason we are here – Jesus. And He is with us: Immanuel, God with us. Always.As you stop and process, pray and laugh, and even hurt, here is truth we can cling to:

  • When all of the things have changed, Jesus has not. He never changes. 

    “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)

  • And He never leaves us – not ever. He has always been. He will always be.

    “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)
  • When we feel alone in our memories, we can know: We are not alone now, and we were notalone then… I was not alone. My parents were not alone in the pressure. And you were not alone in that moment… in that very moment, because God transcends time. As He is with you now, He was with you then.

    “Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.’” (John 8:58)

And so, as we prepare for Christmas – in this day, in this moment, throughout the week – we can have hope, because He is with us, Immanuel. He was with us then. He never changes. He never leaves. And He never will.

So, we can surrender all to Him – All that overwhelms: The past – the things, the people, the relationships lost… Even the present – the expectations, the successes, our failures…We can surrender them all, and fix our eyes on Him – on the baby in the manger, who surrendered His throne to be born in wood from a barn, in a body confined. He came to release us from the pieces, and the confinements of our minds and our lives. He came that we would be free, free from emotional and spiritual pain, free from the curse of death. 

And we can even feel peace when our minds wander backwards, knowing He was with us then, as well. We were in His care then; we are now; and we forevermore will be, when we place our trust in Him.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

A Time for Grace

\\ a call for reconciliation among people //
_

I really want you to change. You are hurting my feelings, and it is breaking my heart. And, as you do, a crust forms around my heart, slowly hardening it, one layer at a time.

Perhaps I will just wear it like armor. It will become a fortress around my heart and keep me safe so you cannot get in. But why does it still hurt?

Ah… I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right. It feels wrong. This isn’t me at all. Something is very, very wrong here. But will it ever change…? Will you ever change? How can I make you change?

[epiphany]  I   m u s t   c h a n g e.

… For just as I am faced with your aggression, so are you encountering mine. And as we meet, we mirror and we match, and unfortunately, we grow… puffed up with ego and pride to protect our broken hearts.

But we are the same. We have the same hurt… and when we hurt each other, we heap hurt upon ourselves too. After all, we were both made by God, made equal in His eyes. For He loves you as much as He loves me. We together are His children — brothers and sisters.

We are a mirror… your hurt like mine. But I do not want to mirror your aggression, nor should you mirror mine. If we grow, let it be in good. If we accelerate let it be with peace.

What if we start over… and we try on grace? 
But how do we begin?

Ah… I will start… for when I do, you will encounter grace, and I will feel peace for I will be the me I was created to be. And grace has a way of spreading, and loosening, and softening those who are near.

So, yes, today I will change. I will put on grace, and I pray that you see it. Far more than you see it, I hope that you will feel it… that you loosen, that you soften, that you experience the good side of me… when I am no longer puffed up with pride but swelling with love.

And perhaps when you do, you will put down your sword… and after awhile, maybe you will find you are safe. And when you have, perhaps we will speak instead of shout… listen instead of lecture… love instead of blame.

And perhaps we will get back on track. And we will both live the lives we were called to live.

Yes. Today I will try on grace.

Shapeless

Shapeless – the word I recently used to describe my life lately: Toggling back and forth so quickly I can’t keep up… Striving to serve others yet feeling invisible in the process… Constantly learning how to support so many and all at one time… Flowing from old-hat skills to the entirely new and back again in seconds with no time to process… Not feeling stellar at anything.

The sheer number of things coming my way, expectations on me (both given and internal) and the level of responsibility pulling at me… they seem constant. With ever-changing schedules and roles, I have found myself emotionally and spiritually exhausted. My heart desires to give more than I am able, and that hurts. Perhaps you have found yourself in a similar place?

I am a proponent for schedules – tight and clear ones, roles with clarified lanes and responsibilities, and boundaries – honoring where I end and others begin. In doing so, I usually feel – at least in some measure – in control of my life. Boundaries give me leverage to manufacture margin. This allows me to put my time where my heart is. Lately, I have felt as though my margin is cloudy. And so I know there are areas where I need revelation, clarity, and healing to move into the future with effectiveness, spiritually and emotionally.

It is important we self-manage. It is important to us all. After all, we will be held responsible for where our time, resources, and gifts go. Though we may feel a victim to expectations, we will be held responsible for outcomes… And so, we must do what it takes to once again put shape to our lives, to manage and steward them well, even as we protect our relationships. I have learned this in difficult ways in times past. And I have since done the work to get there, to manage my life. It took a lot of work but resulted in fruit. I can tell I need to do the work once again.

My personality profiles reveal I am an extroverted introvert. I am individualistic, with a need to unpack, process, and dream on my own for a bit. Yet, side-by-side is a desire to belong to a tribe moving effectively together into that future, doing hard things together. And that may be most difficult of all at this time: Relationships have changed, and I often feel like I am doing hard things alone.

I have lost a relationship in my life that has meant more to me than I could describe, and it breaks my heart. I pray God redeems it. In the meantime, I often ache over it and simply don’t know what to do. Have you ever experienced that? Helplessness and loss? I often find myself confused, knowing the enemy has meddled for years causing chaos and confusion. Yet, in my own strength, I don’t know how to clarify, to purify things. Shapeless. Confusing. Heart breaking.

And, unfortunately, in the midst of it all, in this season called “The Sandwich Generation,” friends have fallen away. I know this can happen in this season, where we strive to help aging parents and children and manage our careers, yet I still find it strange and sad, especially as I care about each one. So I ache in that gap. Have you ever been here? Some of you are there right now.

But here is where I must pause… as a person who has seen the Lord do good and overcome in surprising ways in my life again and again. Here I must rebuke the enemy, that liar, the devil. He would love to convince me, to convince any of us, that we are alone. The Bible says he has made it his job to meddle in the earth, amongst us, to “kill, steal, and destroy.” The enemy clouds our thinking, blocking our view of the multitude of blessings, and creating a fixation in us on the point of pain.

Yet, I am a follower of Jesus… Jesus, the Savior, who tells us, “I came to give life—life in all its fullness” (John 10:10). And His Word is true. Everything He has said will be. Everything He offered in the Bible is available today, for He never changes. That full life, that abundant life, is right here, in our grasp, right in front of us.

Life is confusing. It can be painful. Loneliness knocks at our door. People hurt us. We hurt and sabotage ourselves. News headlines frighten us. Situations turn out differently than we expected, and we wonder why… Was it them? Or was it me? Will it change? Will I? We all do it. We all ache, and we all ponder. But we must not settle into the ache.

Jesus has an outstretched arm, extending a full and abundant life to us, even now, even in the midst of pain. And He has won. Jesus has the victory over darkness, over loneliness, over confusion, and over heartbreak. He has the victory in the world and within us, when we invite Him in.

We who put our faith in Jesus will have the victory. That victory doesn’t come when all of the broken situations are perfectly fixed. Some situations, even relationships, may just float away, as hard as that is. We may never get the apology or reconciliation we long for. Yet, we can still heal, and still overcome, by leaning into Jesus in these moments of trial – in all moments. “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). We can overcome it all… the exhaustion and weariness, for we are of God, and He is greater than it all.

If you too have been aching in this season, please remember this – it may be most important of all: You are not alone. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He has been there for me through thick and thin, pulling me out of despair, replacing ashes with beauty, and depression with joy. And He will do it again. He is doing it now.

What can we do during difficult seasons?

  1. Talk to Jesus.

    “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8).

    Literally, where you are, just start talking to Jesus. He is real. He is there. He cares about the smallest thing and the biggest thing, and He will respond by bringing peace and clarity in your spirit.

  2. Catch and release.

    “We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

    If a thought enters that is painful, condemning, depressing or hopeless, catch it and throw it out. We may not have control of every thought that pops into our heads, but we can control how long they stay there.

  3. Find a friend.

    “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

    Meet a friend for lunch, or coffee, or on Zoom. Talk about what you are going through and hear what they are experiencing. Share friendship.

    If you have recently lost friends, find a new friend and invest in that person. We all need friends. Many of us feel lonely. Put yourself out there. It will bless you and them.

  4. Find a counselor.

    “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail” (James 5:16).

    Find a counselor, someone who understands the importance of spiritual healing (from the Holy Spirit of God). Tell them everything. We all need a safe place to fully unload and fully process our burdens. Just getting it all out can be incredibly freeing. The enemy feeds on us in isolation, when we are alone and seemingly in the dark. But the Holy Spirit brings in fresh air and healing when we reveal what was in the dark in the light.

  5. Receive prayer.

    “Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord” (James 5:14).

    Find a church. Ask for prayer. If you are experiencing a spirit of rejection, oppression, physical or emotional pain, ask them to lay hands on you and pray for you to be released of that. You deserve to walk in freedom, whether that is emotional or physical healing. Jesus died for you to be free.

  6. Read the Bible.

    “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

    Admission: It can be hard for me to read an entire book of the Bible. That’s me. But I NEED THE WORD. I need truth! I need to know what God says to combat the lies of the enemy. I need to have the power and weapon of His truth ready to fight off the enemy. So I open my Bible app in the morning and read a few verses at a time. It is life-giving.

  7. Go for a walk. Get sleep. Drink water.

    We have physiological needs that must be fulfilled to feel our best. We are meant to move and to sleep. Exercising is something that helps me, yet I do not do it enough. With the cool, crisp air of fall, I am going to make it a point to go out and enjoy myself this fall.
  8. Do something nice for yourself.

    Buy the pumpkin latte. Go for a walk through the mall. Visit the restaurant you’ve been meaning to try. Take a hike in that beautiful park. Get your nails done. Go for a bike ride. Get a fresh notebook. Take your spouse somewhere special.

    We matter. God’s love for us abounds. He has good for us. The situations we are in will change. There is always hope for change. He is working behind the scenes on our behalf. His Word tells us again and again.

If you have been struggling like I have, join me in praying this out loud…

Prayer

God, I need you. I cannot do any of this on my own. I confess I have sins I hide and pain I protect. I pray that you would remove these burdens from me in Jesus’ name. They are too heavy for me, I confess, and I need your help.

Jesus, I need you. I need saving. I cannot figure my way out of this on my own. I am in over my head. Thank you for dying in my place, to pay the price for my sin and to give me fullness and freedom of life. Please save me and give me hope. I receive your hope, I receive your wholeness, in Jesus’ name.

I pray that you would direct my path. I don’t know what I am doing. Show me where to go and when, what to say “no” to and how, what relationships to invest in, and where I need to forgive. Please help me forgive others and myself.

I give it all to you. Please have your way in my life, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Weight of Trust

“I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you…” These are the first three lines of a worship song I was listening to yesterday by United Pursuit, a band I love. I just had the Pandora station on rotation, but hearing these lines stopped me in my tracks.

I’m not used to saying these words. I mean, how many people can you really say that to? Some people have a hard time saying, “I love you.” I don’t. I have always loved people. I love being around them. I gain energy from them. And I love encouraging them.

I grew up in a church with pastors who, when you ran into them at the mall, even after a long time, would always tell you they love you. And they truly meant it. Their kindness showed, and it felt like love radiating through them. They were an awesome example of loving others and always letting them know.

But trust… trusting people… oh my. I have some work to do there. Clearly some healing is needed. And oddly, when you come to learn that you can’t trust people you thought you could, you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust in your own discernment. And then a wall of protection forms. The problem is, that wall keeps the good out too.

As I hear the words, “I know that I can trust you,” I stop, I listen, and I feel. And I am saddened by the baggage I bring to new relationships, that it takes me so long and such depth of interaction to even slightly trust others. I have work and healing to do there. Maybe you do too.

Trust is weighty. Trust bares the responsibility of integrity with consistency. Trust bares the weight of care, to care more about me than about the interesting conversation you could have about me for 10 minutes with someone else.

For me, trust means being safe even when you are angry. It means loving me outside of what brand I’m representing, what amount of money I make or where I choose to place it. Trust means you assume the best about me even when you hear the worst. It means being who you said you were last year this year. And so it is hard to trust because, after all, people are people, full of hurt, pain, and trust issues of their own.

I hope one day I will trust people more, that I will go deeper quicker. I believe I will because God is a healing God. And lately He has introduced me to more people who deserve to be trusted. And wow, that is a gift. It has shown me that I need to heal, and people are worth pulling my wall down for.

But the truth is, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even the saints of us sin and fall because we bare human flesh. Others will let us down… those very close to us. And we will let ourselves down. As much as we want them to be trustworthy, we too will fail. It is hard for each of us is human after all.

Yet, we can fully and wholly trust God. He always has our best in mind. He always gives. And He never changes. His love towards us never changes. When we trust Him, we will never regret it.

God always overdelivers. He always gives us more love, more abundance, forgiveness and goodness than we deserve when we put our trust in Him. No one can ever talk Him out of loving us or even liking us.

We can trust Him – fully and wholly trust Him. He will always love us. He will never leave us. He always helps us, no matter what the topic or issue, large or small. We can trust Him because He knows all, His ways are best, and He always has our best at heart.

Prayer

I come to you, Lord, trusting you with all that I am and all that I have. Sometimes it feels like very little if only a hot mess. And I need your help… to have courage to put my heart back out there without a wall around it, to trust you for wisdom and discernment and protection and healing as I do, as I seek to go deeper with others.

I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… And that you will help me. In Jesus’s name, amen.