Are you looking for God? Or are you looking for yourself?
If you are looking for yourself, apart from God, get ready for a painful and confusing ride. Let’s face it: Apart from Him, we have no idea who we are, and the exercise of “finding ourselves” is nothing more than a wild goose chase.
So many factors influence our thoughts and feelings daily from lack of sleep and fluctuating hormones, to more deeply-woven issues such as unforgiveness or pure selfishness, to fear influenced by powerful, external voices or the incessant drip of media.
For example:
- Observing a beautiful person wearing a high-end outfit can be enough to change our whole course of existence, moving us to a wealth-motivated mentality, when viewed through a lens of jealousy.
- Receiving a compliment from a person of clout could be enough to move us into an accomplishment, achiever mentality, where we begin putting tasks before people, when ego lies beneath the surface.
- A raging desire to be known can convince us we are more talented or deserving than others, justifying us to push anyone out of our way, at any cost, to gain access to the lime light.
- Unaddressed pain can move us into paranoia, chipping away at our view of those we can trust, altering how we relate to others and respond to situations, even how we view God.
If you are looking for yourself, you have joined me in a painful, embarrassing ride. Elevating self is a part of our sinful nature, yet it is a hollow journey that can lead to confusion, depression, and broken relationships. And my, how I continue to find myself in this position, even at my age. (Yeesh!)
Perhaps you are like me, and you have learned you cannot do this: You cannot “find yourself” apart from your creator. Apart from Him, I have no idea who I am or what I am supposed to do. I am like a reed blowing in the wind. Yet, when anchored in Christ, reading the Bible (God’s letter to us), we will no longer be confused by our own fickle, selfish nature, but we will know what is true, what is right, and how to accomplish every good work. [Check out 2 Timothy 3:16-17.]
If you are exhausted and found yourself caught in the midst of confusion (once again), quit trying to find yourself, and find God. What is He up to? Where is He leading you? How is He beckoning you into His work of redemption? Going where He goes and becoming a part of His movement is the place where we will find fulfillment, contentment, peace, and joy.
After all, we have been made in the likeness, in the image, of God, as His children. When we find Him, we find ourselves… we find our home, we find our calling, we find our peace.
Prayer
Dear Lord, I have done it again. I made it all about me. In my selfishness, insecurity, or ego, I made it all about me again. I went on a journey to find myself. Yet, I acknowledge I am nothing apart from you. Please help me follow you. Please help me know where to go and when. Help me to follow you in your work. Help me do my part – the part you created me to do. And please forgive me for trying to figure it out on my own. My ego is a problem, and I ask you to forgive me, correct me and put me back on course. Thank you for loving me through this journey and always. I love you, Lord, and I repent. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Sarah Guldalian 