When we feel the need to defend ourselves, we puff up like a puffer fish — quills out. But when we learn – really learn and trust — that God is our protector and our vindicator, we can release that pressure, because we are confident that He will work everything out on our behalf. He always does, even when it means rerouting the difficult into something beautiful. (He gives us beauty for ashes.)
When we make Jesus the Lord of our life, we can release our attachments, our pain, and our fear to Him. We are then freed up to focus on doing our part — what He has called us to do as His disciples — love others and shine the light of Christ in the world around us.
For a while, I had to overcome a tendency to become defensive. I had been blamed for some things I had not done, and so I reacted with defensiveness out of fear. I somehow believed that the right outcome depended on the sharpness of my tiny quills. But, somewhere along the way, all of that pressure built up, I got exhausted, got to the end of myself and had to surrender to the Lord — asking Him to work, to have His way, because it was all too much. And, guess what? He worked. He made the tragic into something beautiful. And I saw that He defends and advances me more than I ever could.
I learned that, in my hurt and rejection, I had built up pride as a protection. But after a while, I began to see that this prideful protection was actually protecting me from the good, not just the bad — pride was blocking me from peace and blessing. Ultimately, I learned that surrender is the beginning of God’s amazing work that frees me up to just love and shine.
I admittedly work hard. Hard work is a beautiful attribute I learned from my parents, but I have learned there can be too much of a good thing. There is a tipping point — it’s the law of diminishing returns, because sometimes I begin to get tired doing too many things, and I can sense a temptation to get defensive again. But I also remember, in that moment (usually!), what the Lord has taught me: That He has me. I do not need to puff up to defend myself. He is my defense. And, honestly, sometimes that perceived threat was birthed from my exhaustion. There is far more good coming at me than negative.
And, here’s the deal: Unless we surrender to the Lord, we will be futile. All of our hard work will be futile. If we have bitterness inside, our fruit might even be toxic, because pride does not produce healthy fruit. It actually kills it. Pride is like a weed that chokes out the healthy things that are growing. And, unless we purge our pride, we will be unusable.
Here are some examples of moments our pride can puff up, planting seeds that can cause destruction in our lives and relationships:
— Comparing ourselves to others, whether it be how we look, our jobs, how much money we have, how many people we know — putting ourselves above or below them.
— Getting frustrated because they didn’t do something the way we would do it.
— Getting offended by things people say that we feel does not give us enough credit or clout.
— Making things about us that are really about someone else.
— Not working with or interactiving with someone we feel the Lord connecting us to because we get competitive, thinking they are too much like us.
— Getting jealous of what others have, thinking we deserve it more than we do.
— Getting sucked into or even generating gossip.
And the list goes on.
We can’t always control the thought that pops into our head, but we can control how long it stays there. When those prideful thoughts pop up, ricochet them before those seeds take root.
God’s Word reminds us that we have a choice. We are called to tear down any thought that opposes the Word of God:
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Jesus tells us the greatest commandment He gives us is to love one another. So, if our thoughts are making us prideful, envious, bitter and isolated, you better believe they oppose the Word of God.
He also reminds us, when we begin to feel fear, that fear is not from God:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).
By surrendering to the Lord, making Him the Lord of our life, and asking Him to make us more like Him, we stay humble and usable.
I don’t know about you, but I am not okay with forfeiting my calling, blocking blessing, and isolating myself, so I am asking the Lord to forgive me for my pride, my fear, any cowardice, fear of man, or insecurity so I can stay humble before Him and be used by Him.
If you are trusting Him for the same, I invite you to pray this prayer with me :
[Prayer] Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that my pride, insecurity and fear have at times kept me from you and isolated from community. I repent, Lord. I turn away from pride and ask you to remove any impurity from within me that would keep me from loving others and shining your light. I ask you to have your way in my life that I might be a part of your mighty Kingdom work and live a life worthy of the calling I have received, Father. I thank you for your loving kindness that leads me to repentance so that I can be all you created me to be for your glory. And where I have contributed to ashes, I ask you to create beauty. I ask you to help me produce good fruit. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Sarah Guldalian 