health – Sarah Guldalian

Be Healed.

When you surrender to the Lord, invite Jesus to come into your heart and do a healing work in your life, just watch Him. He will do it.

And, when you walk through this process with the Lord, and the Holy Spirit brings you healing, be healed. Be healed.

Leave it. Leave it all in the past. And move forward in your purchased freedom — a heavy price fully paid by Jesus.

In John 5, Jesus healed the leper. Then, He told him, “Pick up your mat and walk.”

Though his identity had been tied to being under, though his identity had been tied to being sick, overlooked and forgotten, Jesus healed Him and told him to get up and walk out of that history — out of that identity. It was time to move forward.

In John 4, Jesus saved an adulterous woman from being stoned to death by an angry mob. When every condemner had gone, Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.” He saved her life, and then He called her to walk into a new life — a life no longer plagued by her sin and her shame.

I feel convicted that, for some of us, including myself, we need to understand the moment we are in – the healing we have been given by God – and we need to make a deliberate choice to leave our hurt, heartbreak, feelings of rejection, feelings of victimization… we need to leave it in the past.

If you have invited the Lord in to do a healing work in your life, and He has healed you, be healed.

In Ecclesiastes 3, it says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… a time to weep and a time to laugh … a time to mourn and a time to dance … a time to tear and a time to mend.”

For some of us, the weeping has taken place – maybe even for decades – the mourning has happened, taking from us long enough, and the Lord has come in to heal us, bring us laughter, and bring us dancing. He has healed us. So, let’s be healed. Let us enjoy the freedom He bought for us.

If you gave Him your past and He has healed the past, quit telling the story. It is another person’s story — not your own. It no longer belongs to you, and you no longer bear the weight of sharing it.

I shared a story the other day of the past, and it felt so odd to me, so alarming. I felt like I had hijacked someone else’s story and was parading it as if it was my own. I was so confused by how unsettled I felt by telling it, when it is historical.

I asked the Lord why I was so bothered, and He revealed to me that it is because He has healed and restored me — that story no longer belongs to me. I surrendered it to Him, He released me of it, and it is now gone. I am a new creation, the old has passed, and I am made new. Therefore, it is not my story to tell.

Working with the Lord to be healed is a beautiful thing. When we go to Him and ask Him to reveal truth to us, He will. He showed me very specifically what part of my history is gone, because I am healed, and what I need not speak of any longer, because I am healed.

Perhaps, like me, you have surrendered hurt and heartache from your history. However, because it became your story, you adopted it as your identity. But, I believe that the Lord wants me to share with you what He has shared with me:

You are no longer sick.
You are no longer in shame.
You are no longer a victim.
That person no longer exists.
Those stories no longer belong to you.

You are free.
Walk free.
The Lord is writing a new chapter in your life and giving you new, beautiful stories to replace those with.

I love you all.

Repenting

Pride is a sin. Vanity is a sin.
Sin separates us from God.

Pride separates us from God.
Vanity separates us from God.

Pride makes it about me instead of God.
Vanity compares me to others and puts me above others, above God.

I repent for pride in my story. I repent for the times I took glory for things God had done for me and in my life.

I repent for vanity – for the times I put my reputation and others’ perception of me above my love for our relationship, above my love for the Lord.

As I look back on my life, on my career, I see where I had pride. I see where I had vanity. And it repulses me. I am repulsed by my own sin.

I don’t need consoling. I need to call it out for what it is so that it stays far, far away from me.

It is by the hand and graciousness of God that I have ever had any cool opportunity and the provision we have needed to pay our bills and supply for our family.

I will be honest… pride can reverse itself, as well, making me want to hide any neat thing I have ever done now, to share any stories or even my gifts sometimes, because I am afraid I will get some of the glory. But that too, I am realizing is pride, because I am keeping the praise under wraps instead of giving it outwardly to the Lord for what He has done in my life.

So, today, as I look ahead to a big, new year, where I will need to use the gifts, lessons, and experiences God has given me to lead as I am called, I surrender my pride. I surrender any false humility. I surrender sin and the shame of sin.

I cast off any stumbling block that has me at the center and relinquish it to God… thanking Him for the opportunities I have had, as well as for the discipline He has provided me to make me a worker who can be used in the field… because, as long as we have ourselves at the center, instead of Him and others, we can’t be used in the Kingdom of God. And I want to fulfill the call the Lord has for my life.

PRAYER

Thank you, Lord, for every blessing and opportunity you have bestowed upon me to be a blessing to others and to provide for my family. And, thank you, Father, for disciplining me over these past 8 years to make me usable in your Kingdom.

You are so gracious and so kind, Father. I surrender to you, Father. I give you both my pride as well as my shame, and I thank you that you have created beauty where my pride and vanity had produced ashes. I thank you that you discipline those you love, and that you love me so.

Help me be more like you so I can be a part of your Kingdom work to the effective measure you have intended, in Jesus’ name.

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son” (Hebrews 12:6).

Those Who Called Us Higher

I was sitting here thinking about all the people who have helped us along the way… Yet, some of them, we have formed a subtle indignance towards — a parent, teacher, pastor, doctor, trainer, boss, or friend — for doing so.

We have decided to be offended, instead of grateful, for their help… many of them just genuinely supporting us or calling us higher, because they love us, motivated by genuine care and concern.

I wonder how many genuine relationships we shunned because of our sensitivity towards correction.

As I age, I look back at some relationships over the decades – at some people – who I felt offended by or irrirated with because they took a genuine, healthy concern for my well-being.

Out of a desire to control my own life, yet feeling as if they were impeding upon my independence, I shook them off. Yet, later, looking back, I see that they cared more for me than those who agreed with or applauded me at the time in my childish ways.

As I age, it becomes clearer that I wasn’t always right. Like a toddler whose mother knows best yet their will and desire for independence reigns supreme, I shook off wisdom and correction that was for my own good.

Yet, as time marches on, I have come to realize that they were not trying to shut me down. They were genuinely trying to help me — to not waste my time, resources, or give away important things. I realize that there is a lot I didn’t know that they did, and they cared enough to share it.

And, as I age, instead of thinking I know everything, I gain the perspective that I simply don’t know everything and that I didn’t…

I realize that I need to open my hands to thank and hug those who helped, even when I took it as critical. I realize I need to open my heart to hear from Godly people even when its hard. I need to open my hands in generosity. I need to release my pride and receive instruction. I need to open my mind to learn more than I know. Most importantly, I need to open my hands in surrender to the Lord.

Thank you to my parents and to every teacher, pastor, doctor, trainer, boss, or friend who put yourself out there to help make me better from a heart of love and concern. In some cases, it has taken awhile for me to lower my wall and receive it, but I draw from those lessons daily — some bestowed even decades ago.

Get Over Yourself!

If we are going to be used by God and effective for Kingdom work — or any work He has called us to — we must get over ourselves and gear up to follow His lead!

“Get Over Yourself!” is a message I shared at the Biblical Business Training (BBT) Community Connection, where a group of Christian business and ministry leaders gather. I shared some of the key “things I’ve learned” over the last eight years, especially as it relates to Christian leadership in business and ministry.

If you are interested in watching the recording, click here.
To view the presentation, click here.

How Is Your Soul?

“Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit” (3 John 1:2).

Our physical health is so important. The Bible tells us our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. We are to steward it with honor. And the Lord wants our bodies to be healthy. He wants us to live abundantly. He wants us to be free.

But some of us are neither healthy in body nor spirit. We have traded caring for our souls – what is inside, what is eternal – with a hyper fixation on our bodies, the temporal. And some of us have confused vanity for health. I know I have.

Vanity is not health. Believe me, I know from experience. In fact, this question I pose today is one I asked myself.

You see, in my 20s, I was super skinny but extremely unhealthy. I drank coffee to be skinny, counted every calorie, and judged myself by each half-pound. If I had eaten the amount of calories I had allotted for myself earlier in the day, I would isolate. I wouldn’t get together with my friends at dinner to avoid eating more calories and being asked questions. And then I called it self-discipline and self-control, when it was actually self-deprivation leading to health issues. I needed the Lord to do a supernatural healing work in my soul to find health again.

Some of us are eating but absorbed in our looks. If it’s not a pound, it’s a fine line or wrinkle. Or we lament not having the budget for the clothes we’d really like. Whether we feel good about or terrible about our looks at any moment, we are hyperfocused on our bodies in a way that takes all of our energy and focus.

But… how is your soul? How is your Spirit? What voice is guiding your actions? The critic — the enemy? A voice of criticism from your past that says “it’s not good enough,” “you’re not good enough,” or “prove yourself?” And, at the end of it, where does being rich, chiseled, or fashionable lead you if you have neglected your soul? Would you finally be full or still empty?

I hope you know I am in no way judging anyone. Frankly, I have had to ask the Lord to give me enough grace for myself over time. This is a struggle. It has been in my life. I have needed to really dig into my Bible and receive Godly counsel to learn to hear the voice of God louder than the accuser in my life.

I share vulnerably in an effort to expose what is hidden into the light so Christ can shine on us. Because, here’s the deal — God wants us free, so much that He sent Jesus to earth to save us from ourselves, our own confusion, depravity, and self-sabotage.

Whereas the Lord gives us a desire for healthy things, the enemy works hard to twist beautiful desires into something dark. He can twist our desire to be healthy into disorder. He can turn our enjoyment of fashion into obsession. He can tilt our desire for good things into fixation. He can take our enjoyment of fashion and make us obsessed and broke.

The enemy would love nothing more than to put us into poverty spiritually, physically, and financially. That is his goal. He fights to keep us away from the abundance that Jesus came and died for us to have.

Yet, all is not lost. Jesus meets us wherever we are. He meets us in our exhaustion, our fatigue, our sickness. He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

What I have learned and continue to learn as I go is this:

Major in Jesus more than self-help, health, or any other thing. Keep your eyes on Jesus above all. Open your Bible. Read it more than any other book. Look to Jesus for your self-worth, not influencers. Tend to your soul more than you do for your body, because our souls are what will last.

Some practical things I have learned, as well, are:

Set the scale aside. Eat and enjoy healthy food. Get outside. Enjoy creation. Exercise. Strengthen yourself.

Talk to a friend if you’re struggling. Get a journal. Get a Christian counselor. Talk to Jesus most.

Thank God for His abundance. Enjoy your health. Enjoy the clothes you have. Quit isolating. Get with friends. Enjoy the goodness God has given you. And eat a cupcake every now and then.

I love you guys. And thanks for loving me.

Stella by Starlight: Junie-babe

I grew up in North/Northwest County. When I was born, we lived in Overland. My dad was in the hospital dying, but my Grandpa Jim swooped in and transported him from his hospital to mine last-minute so he could see my birth. The doctors almost didn’t let him in, because of how sick and emaciated he was.

My mom expected to raise my brother and me alone, but God did a miracle and healed my dad and eventually brought him home. But things were tight. My parents didn’t have income, but my grandparents and people from their church blessed them to help with childbirth and food until my dad was able to get back to work. My grandparents were there at my birth and with me nearly every day until they went to heaven.

My dad healed, got back to work, and my parents built a house in St. Charles on Towers. [Both of my parents are extremely hard-working people.] We lived there until I was five, when we moved to Virginia Beach for my mom to attend Regent University and work with the Christian Broadcasting Network.

We moved back after 2nd grade, and we lived with my grandparents – my best friends – until my parents found a house to rent in Maryland Heights just seven minutes away. My grandparents were over every day or we slept over there routinely. If I wanted McDonald’s, they made sure we went. They were always available for everything.

My parents then bought a house in Maryland Heights, where I grew up from 3rd grade through the beginning of my junior year of high school. My parents both worked, so my grandparents took us to school, picked us up from school, we stopped and got snacks afterwards, before going home.

Same with every sport. My grandparents were both avid athletes. They picked us up, attended, and took us home from baseball, soccer, and swim team. Same with our play and musical practices. I swam for Bridgeton for 10 years for the coach my mom and aunts had swam for. My grandparents were literally always on the sidelines cheering and yelling for us. I can hear Grandma yelling, “Go, go, go!” very loudly and vivaciously. lol

My grandpa, who was always at the house, finding something to fix – a way to be there for us – had the temperament of my husband — very calm, steady, hardworking, sharp as a tack, with each sentence he shared holding meaning and bringing peace. He was an angel to me. I needed him as we had some struggles, and he was always there for me.

He taught me “to stay in my own lane,” to “not look to the left or the right” — analogies that worked for competitive swimming, but also to life. He also taught me to “never love something that can’t love you back.” To this day, I could care less about my clothes or the inanimate objects that get donated or pitched.

My grandma celebrated literally everything. When I started puberty, I got an ironed $50 bill in a card, congratulating me for becoming a woman. And every single season and holiday… and even day… was a reason to celebrate. She was full of life and vibrancy.

My grandparents were huge community people. Living in the community of Carrolton Oaks in Bridgeton (since my mom was a baby), they both served in Bridgeton. They were at the Community Center every day, as avid athletes, and they served on boards and committees for Bridgeton.

My grandpa fought the City of St. Louis, with Bridgeton, on the runway that would run through their yard. He fought it for over a decade. [The airport would eventually tear down Carrolton Oaks and evacuate my grandparents and neighbors, but the runway would never be built.]

They helped the Senior Olympics here in St. Louis for at least a decade and took home nearly every single gold. [I saw the myriad and wealth of their metals yesterday.] We got to serve there, with cute outfits, free snacks, and fun mascots. My grandpa played football as a Razorback in college and then was on the squad as a kicker for the Detroit Lions after. My grandma swam a mile every, single day until her 80s.

My grandma was a support to every person in her life — her husband, her children, her grandchildren and her friends. Every Christmas, family from all over the country, would get a green or red calendar with the schedule of holiday events, and the same for Summer Vacation (here in St. Louis), which would include the Arch, the Zoo, Union Station, Grant’s Farm, the Muny, Cardinals games, the Adams’ Mark, Ted Drewes — everything St. Louis and everything American. [She grew up on Arsenal.] She loved musicals, so I do too.

If you said “shut up” or “hate,” you owed a dollar. Her belief was in edification… “let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.” She didn’t drink, and she had hilarious alternatives for swear words, like “fooey!” She called the refrigerator “the ice box” and the trash can “the waste basket.” lol

My junior year of high school, my dad would take a job in Milwaukee. It was a no-brainer to my grandparents – I would live with them. I had my own room anyways, and I was always with them. It was settled, it was perfect, and it was one of the very best times of my entire life. I lived with them in Carrolton Oaks until college. [They had to move Freshman year of college because of the airport expansion. Now there are chains, vines, and “No Trespassing” signs off of Natural Bridge where our neighborhood used to be.]

They tutored me. They took me to my orthopedic appointments for my back (and always celebrated with ice cream or lunch after, regardless of the prognosis). They came to any performance, rehearsal, Parents’ Day or Parents’ Weekend at every school including college. My grandma helped plan my wedding. [I had no clue, and I knew she loved all of that stuff. She made it really classy, and most of my cousins were in it. She loved her family fiercely.] She was ALWAYS taking pictures, which is where I get my love for photography.

I’ve spent every holiday with my grandparents, with very rare exceptions as I’ve aged. They have been my second parents my entire life. At moments, my first. I had my grandpa until I was 30, and I had my grandma until now — 43. I am incredibly blessed.

I won’t lie; I have struggled to find joy in moments based on pain-points in my family of origin. I know all families have had problems, and mine has been no exception. But having the spunk and joy of my grandma, the support and devotion from my grandpa, and their solid faith to back me up, it has made all the difference in my life.

Today, I am just relieved and happy for my grandparents. They are with Jesus in heaven, which is designed the way God intended for us to live. Their bodies are whole and so is their joy. And I will be reunited with them too one day.

I have been laying low to prepare for my grandma’s celebration of life and to allow myself some feelings. I’ve determined this — I am the legacy of my grandma… she is the paradigm of the Godly, hard-working, family-oriented woman, and the epitome of a doting wife. She was strong and passionate but the most supportive woman I have ever encountered.

And so, I will bring the joy and the spunk to the world that she taught me to bring, to light this place up with Jesus and His love. Time to chip away at this shell and get to work!

Our Bodies Matter.

Our bodies matter to God. There is a reason He thoughtfully decided to create each one of us and put us on earth. In fact, it is absolutely amazing to think of the great lengths and stories God has done to place us here.

Our son was conceived after we had people lay hands on us and pray for my womb when I was infertile. My system did not get straightened out through doctors before I conceived. I conceived when it just plain didn’t work and hadn’t worked for some time. It was God’s supernatural power at work.

I think about amazingly powerful people in God who would not have been here through the hands of men — multiple abortions performed that never took. I think of the life and cycle of conception and gestation alone, in every, single woman. And it is a miracle. An absolute miracle. I ate brownies, ice cream, and hamburgers, and I got these beautiful children. Nothing I did created the beauty and uniqueness of these physical gifts. God wove them together as a masterpiece.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

There is a reason God created bodies and that He put us on earth together – That He Himself even gave up His divine freedoms as Jesus came to earth in a body, confined to time and aging as we all do. Bodies matter. And the Bible talks about what our bodies will one day look like when Jesus comes back. Bodies matter.

We know we are not citizens here on earth. Our permanent residency is in heaven. Yet, God chose to create us uniquely this way for a reason. There is nothing accidental about it. We were not some random result of science. God Himself created the earth and everything in and around it. So our bodies matter. They have purpose.

What we do with our bodies matters. How we treat our bodies matters. How we treat the bodies of the conceived matters. How we treat other people’s bodies matters.

We are actually called to worship God with our bodies. “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship” (Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭1‬).‬ This is one of the reasons I love the arts, especially as they relate to worship unto God.

I am prone to cry when I watch my mom or my friend, Vesta, use their bodies as vessels of praise through dance to worship the Lord. I am prone to awe as I watch my precious friends, Clifton and Eva, use their voices as vessels of worship to God. I am prone to awe and wonder as I see my husband and the musicians of StikYard use their bodies and instruments to powerfully worship God through sound and movement.

And the same rings true of my friends, Debbie Morris and John Morris, who utilize the food and exercise God designed to strengthen and heal the body. And I am so grateful they use their knowledge to teach others to honor their bodies, to honor God’s creation and His call on lives. Bodies matter, and the way we treat them matters.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Our bodies matter. And they confound us. I admit that I have struggled with this over the years — having a crooked, turned spine that can cause me pain, debilitation (since 10), and changed my shape. I admit I have struggled with how to eat and played with my diet to manipulate my body in unhealthy ways. I admit I drank too much when I was in college so I no longer want to touch the stuff. My body has confounded me at times – many times, and frustrated, I have not used it for worship.

Yet, God created me. He created this body, and it matters. It matters enough to be around for almost a century to be a walking instrument of worship, so it needs to be respected, loved, and tended to. I am working more and more on that. And I do thank people like Debbie Morris who inspire me with the how.

Today, maybe you want to join me, in giving back your body – and all that goes with it – where our feet take us, where we take the time to be, what we choose to eat, and how we choose to treat it – for God’s glory, with honor and respect for His creation. (If so, feel free to pray this along with me.)

Prayer

God, I love you. Thank you for creating me. Thank you for creating this body in my mother’s womb. Thank you for choosing me to be here to be part of your big, beautiful story.

I pray Lord that I would honor you with my body. I pray that you would show me how to properly tend to your creation – this precious life – and that I would use my body as worship, a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to you.

Thank you for caring about my body. Thank you for healing and restoring my body from damage and removing pain. I give you back my body and my time. It is yours. Help me use it as you have designed to live out your purposes for my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.