healing – Page 3 – Sarah Guldalian

You Have Issues.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, even saying, “I have issues”?

The truth is, we all have issues. There are no people who have no issues. (Yes, you read that right.) The people who seemingly have no (or less) issues have either put in the time and work to get to the other side of (some of) them; or they exert great energy to keep them from surfacing. Why would ~~they~~ we do that?

As someone who has had lots of issues over the decades, let me name some of the reasons we exert such great effort to conceal them:

To simply function.
To feel some semblance of control.
To feel accepted by society.
To avoid “bothering” others.
Because of stubbornness or pride.
Because of fear.

Now that I have named reasons we conceal our issues, let me also label the above as things that will keep us from being healed if we don’t release them.

I am sometimes on the other side of (at least the majority of) my issues, and sometimes I am smack-dab in the hot, sticky mess of issues. Sometimes I played a role in the creation of those issues, but a lot of times, they came out of nowhere from truly unexpected people and places.

When I am doing well, people ask how I got victory over those insanely crazy things. Let me first say, never did stuffing or concealing heal me. I once took pride in the fact that I didn’t cry for a decade, especially considering my experiences in that decade. But I won no trophies. Instead, my emotions came out as (lots and lots of) panic attacks and anorexia.

For each of the issues I have (to some extent) overcome, there is one common thread — I put in the time and really uncomfortable work to acknowledge and address those issues. And I never did it alone.

I have learned that healing takes time, but it’s not the kind of time people talk about, like “Time heals all wounds.” Time itself does not heal all wounds, especially if you marinated in a chaotic environment that created issues within you since childhood. Likewise, it’s not like living two years past a horrible trauma can suddenly – poof! – make you better. Clocks don’t do that.

The way time heals us is when we invest time in our healing. When we quit running around like a chicken with our heads cut off (avoidance) and set aside time to address issues, to get to the root of them, and deal with them, then time helps heal us.

There are some very precious people and actions that can aid in our time of healing. If you are looking to heal, to work on some of the issues that plague your thinking, rob you of peace, and attack your nervous system, you can!

Let me first say, I am no counselor. I am not a pastor. I am a mess. But I am a mess who is constantly being redeemed and refined by the grace of God. (And like any true mom, when I find something that works, I am telling the world!) So let me share the actions and people who have (and do) help(ed) me.

People We Need

The Holy Spirit!

There is no lasting healing without the Lord. Period. We are too tangled and locked up for any human alone to heal us. But Jesus left His precious Holy Spirit with us when He ascended as “the Comforter” to bring us comfort, wisdom, and peace that surpasses our ability to understand.
Friends – actual friends (You know what I’m talking about.)

If you have a friend who repeats what you say in confidence or judges you when you are truly yourself, that is counterproductive. This is not the friend I am talking about, no matter how long you have been friends.

Connect with a friend who you know your heart is safe with, who you truly know wants to see you walking in joy and freedom, even if they are decades older or five years younger.
A Counselor

Counselors know how nervous systems work. They know how trauma works – how it impacts our brains, our bodies, and our relationships. They have tactics to help us move past the hurdles that keep us from healing to keep moving towards healing.
Community

We can’t heal alone! We need to talk to people. We need a hug! We need understanding. We need empathy. I don’t care how independent you are, you need this. We were wired to be in fellowship with others. It’s how God made us.

Actions We Can Take

1. Be willing to go “there” with your friend – to let down the façade and show them who you really are and what you are really experiencing. We all innately desire to be known, but we will never be known unless we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

2. Be willing to look weak, to even have hand tremors, by talking about the scary things that need light shone on them. Don’t be afraid of your own fear. Keep pushing ahead!

3. Be willing to have triggers.

Drive down that particular road to get to the place you need to go to get help. Be willing to go to that restaurant that reminds you of that experience if it helps you get through it. Push through!

4. Invest the time and money to go to counseling.

If they don’t take insurance but you have the money, do it! Your peace for the rest of your life – shoot, even for today – is worth the investment! Or, if you don’t have the money (been there), ask if they have a special program or know of one, they can refer you to.

I have been investing the time in all of the above – these relationships and these actions; and I can honestly say they have helped me so much. Not all of my issues are resolved. (In fact, I just laughed out loud at that notion.) Some issues may never be until heaven. I have gained so much, though.

I have truly experienced full freedom in some of them, developed rich relationships in the process, gained coping tactics for some that stick, and I have gained a lot more courage and fight in me by acknowledging and addressing these issues. And, honestly, I feel more loved — because I have learned so much about God and myself in the process. I have also given others a chance to truly know me, and so I know their love for me is genuine. That is a real gift from it.

Yes, it takes time, emotion, energy, and maybe even money, to heal from issues, but you deserve freedom! Invest in your healing. You are worth it. You will truly feel proud of yourself for being a good friend to yourself in the process. And that alone has truly helped me hold my head up high.

Sending you love, Sarah

Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever felt like God didn’t hear your prayer? Have you felt like your prayers, in one particular area, simply ricocheted against a wall?

Throughout my life, I have seen life-changing miracles – goosebump-producing breakthroughs and truly unexpected healings. Yet, in one particular area – an area where I exerted daily energy, efforts and prayer – I didn’t see breakthrough. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break or come up for air. Instead of breakthrough, the roller coaster of pain and confusion escalated – more disappointment, heartbreak, and fear – no matter what I did. I wondered why the Lord wasn’t hearing my prayer for breakthrough in this prominent area of my life.

This past week at a Bible Study, Dr. Richard Blackaby said, “God has eternity in view.” This is exactly right. This is why He doesn’t answer our prayers the way our finite minds and fickle emotions call them. God has eternity in view. God’s ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Simply put, He knows more than we know, and His plans for our future are good.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Father God sees all things. He sees before and behind. He sees above and below. He sees the inside of a situation – not just the outside, our view.

God knew us – He planned us – before we were conceived. He knows the purpose He has placed in each one of us. He knows the calling He has on our life. He put it there. God knows what He has planned for us to accomplish in our time on this earth. He knows what He has in store for us for eternity.

There is an absolute reason God placed each one of us here. And He knows we will not be fulfilled until we are walking in the calling He has placed in our lives. He is the missing puzzle piece in any area we feel lack. There is no replacement for God’s presence or direction in our lives!

To live out the call God has placed on us, we must walk with Him. We must hear His voice. That means the sirens of life must die down. If we will not turn them down and we continue to run to their beckon call, we will run aimlessly through our days. Instead of living on mission, we will never find fulfillment. So, our Father – loving and gracious as He is – steps in. While we cling tightly to the familiar, just asking for a quick fix, Father God knows there is complete healing available in the release.

And our loving Father knows His children. He knows when we will not let go. He knows when we will not leave. So, instead of breakthrough – instead of opening the door we asked Him to open – His loving response is to give us an evacuation plan. He knows the best thing for us is to pluck us out of a situation. God knows that healing in this situation is not another band-aid but being removed from it altogether.

It can be heartbreaking – absolutely gut-wrenching – especially when it is all we know and our lives have been so intertwined with this situation. But some situations, some relationships, are a distraction. They threaten to pull us off course from God’s direction for our lives. They threaten to remove us from our calling altogether.

As God-fearing people who confess Jesus as Lord, we are to have no other gods – no other thing we cling to but Him. We, in our desperation, just want to satiate momentary heartbreak, so we run to others in the place of God. But God will not share His seat with another. We are not to put people on a pedestal. Only God is on the throne, and He will not share His glory with another. “I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not yield my glory to another or my praise to idols” (Isaiah 42:8).

To those who have submitted to His Lordship, He will stop us from running into the fire and destroying ourselves completely. This is all because of His merciful love towards us. In His love, He does not give us the finite answer we asked for in a complex situation, because He knows it holds spiritual and eternal consequences. Therefore, in our finite view, we sometimes see His answer as a “no,” but He is saying “yes” to full and complete healing for our lives. He doesn’t want us to settle or to lose it all.

What I have been learning is that there are natural consequences for sin. We cannot let people’s sin, including our own, change our view of God. God is always good and just. He, as a loving Father, will not spare us of correction, like insulant, spoiled children. He cares about us far more than that. He wants good for our lives and for eternity.

Father God knows who we truly are and where we are headed. He knows when we need a course-correction. He even knows when we will continue in the wrong direction for a lifetime. He sees that we are headed right into traffic where we are going to be taken out. So, as a loving Father, He picks us up and moves us out of the way.

When we find ourselves in silence, out of the commotion and chaos we are so accustomed, we may feel loss – the loss of the familiar. But God is here to replace our lack with His love, and He is ready to start the healing process within us towards wholeness.

Lastly, I think of the lame man in the Bible from John 5. He lived His life on a mat, in pain, carried around by his friends. One day, his friends carry him to the house where Jesus is. He has an encounter with Jesus. Jesus wants to bring him healing, but the mat must go. It cannot go into this next season with him, as it has with all of his seasons so far.

As we sit from the outside looking in, we get excited that this man is about to be healed by Jesus Himself. Yet, if you were the lame man in that moment, so physically hindered that your whole life has been confined to this mat, you might feel devastated if it is one day taken away.

Jesus says to him, “’Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’ At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked” (John 5:8-19). In one moment, his band-aid – his immediate fix – has been taken away, but it has been replaced with total healing and freedom. I believe God is answering some of our prayers today with these words, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

I pray today, that as you process through the changes in your life that may feel like loss, that you would lean on the Lord to fill all that feels like lack. I pray that He gives you fresh vision and fresh anointing for this next season of freedom for you and for your life.

I pray that the Lord surrounds you with His comfort, His love and His wisdom. I pray that He shows you how to move ahead and how it is for your good. I pray that He surrounds you with Godly friends and influences. I pray that you learn to hear His voice above all else. And I pray that His Holy Spirit does a healing work in you internally as He has been doing in me. In Jesus’ name.

Sending you love, Sarah

The Goodness of God

I was recently asked to speak about the goodness of God. Oh my, this was the easiest topic to share about, because God is so good.

God in His very nature is good. He Himself is the definition of good. Just as Jesus is synonymous with the Word — “The Word became flesh and dwelled among us” (John 1:14) – so is God synonymous good. His goodness compares to none. Even Jesus, during His earthly ministry, said He himself had not attained goodness. [When called “Good Teacher”, Jesus responded, “Why do you call me good?… No one is good—except God alone” (Mark 10:18).] True goodness is God.

In “The Great Divorce,” C.S. Lewis said it well – “There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.” When we look to God, we are in the light, and we too are good: “If we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). When we turn away, we are in darkness.

Yet, though we turn away from God, He does not turn away from us. He is not like us. Even in our sin, our Heavenly Father pursues us in love: “Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6). His desire is to be with us, to lavish love on us, forever. In fact, He runs after us with an unfailing love and so many precious gifts of His goodness.

Here are a few of the good – more than that, the great – things of God towards us!

1) His Love towards us

His love is far greater than our sin.
- “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:11-12).
Nothing can separate us from His love. Abba never stops loving us.
- “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).

2) His Presence in our lives

He is always present.
- “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging” (Psalm 46:1).
Therefore, we can take refuge – we can hide – in Him.
- “Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1).

3) His Promises are precious.

He always keeps His word.
- “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” (Numbers 23:19).
God never abandons us.
- “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
Therefore, we can trust Him.

4) His Protection & Plans

Because He is good, my future is secure.
- Here and for eternity!
Therefore, I am good!
- I am set. My feet are on solid rock.

5) His Healing
Physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually

He redeems! “And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness— secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name” (Isaiah 45:3).
He restores! “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15)

6) How Great Is His Call to Us Who Love & Follow Him

Because He lives in me, I can do good.

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased” (Hebrews 13:16).
Because He comforts me in times of trouble, I can comfort others.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
Because He is good and has good for me, I can smile at the days ahead.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25).
His goodness extends for eternity – not simply the here or now, but forever when we trust in Him.

Because God is good and He loves me, I know I am good, and I can do good to others! We cannot out run His love!

There Is Hope

There is hope for us – for all of us.
The most messed-up of us.
The hurt, the broken, the shamed.
The isolated, lost, & afraid.
The emotionally-decimated of us.

We have wandered.
We have strayed.
We have lost heart and faith.

We have made our own way.
It hasn’t worked.
We know… And it hurts.

We have hidden away, slipped away…
Hidden our hopes, our dreams,
even our sense of dignity.

But we can come out of hiding,
And return to the Lord,
Just as we are –
As messed up, lacking
and sinful as we are.

We must face the facts.
Waste no more precious time.
There is no pulling ourselves up…
No “snapping out of it” that sticks…
No “getting over it” that heals…

We simply can’t do it.
We can’t fix ourselves.
And we can’t fix each other.

But, there is hope.
There is hope for you.
There is hope for us.
There is hope for me.
No matter the situation…
When we come to Him…
When we draw near to God,
To our Father and Creator.

God is our healer.
He is the healer.
Healing begins the moment you return to Him.
No reason to wait, or shave or cleanse.

Come to Him now, right where you are.
Hang up your hurt, and put on hope…
Experience isolation drift away
as His Spirit comforts you.

Give away your broken pieces,
And receive wholeness.
Find your way again… yourself again,
As you were created – in love – to be.

There is hope – for you and for me.

A Time for Grace

\\ a call for reconciliation among people //
_

I really want you to change. You are hurting my feelings, and it is breaking my heart. And, as you do, a crust forms around my heart, slowly hardening it, one layer at a time.

Perhaps I will just wear it like armor. It will become a fortress around my heart and keep me safe so you cannot get in. But why does it still hurt?

Ah… I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right. It feels wrong. This isn’t me at all. Something is very, very wrong here. But will it ever change…? Will you ever change? How can I make you change?

[epiphany] I m u s t c h a n g e.

… For just as I am faced with your aggression, so are you encountering mine. And as we meet, we mirror and we match, and unfortunately, we grow… puffed up with ego and pride to protect our broken hearts.

But we are the same. We have the same hurt… and when we hurt each other, we heap hurt upon ourselves too. After all, we were both made by God, made equal in His eyes. For He loves you as much as He loves me. We together are His children — brothers and sisters.

We are a mirror… your hurt like mine. But I do not want to mirror your aggression, nor should you mirror mine. If we grow, let it be in good. If we accelerate let it be with peace.

What if we start over… and we try on grace?
But how do we begin?

Ah… I will start… for when I do, you will encounter grace, and I will feel peace for I will be the me I was created to be. And grace has a way of spreading, and loosening, and softening those who are near.

So, yes, today I will change. I will put on grace, and I pray that you see it. Far more than you see it, I hope that you will feel it… that you loosen, that you soften, that you experience the good side of me… when I am no longer puffed up with pride but swelling with love.

And perhaps when you do, you will put down your sword… and after awhile, maybe you will find you are safe. And when you have, perhaps we will speak instead of shout… listen instead of lecture… love instead of blame.

And perhaps we will get back on track. And we will both live the lives we were called to live.

Yes. Today I will try on grace.

Shapeless

Shapeless – the word I recently used to describe my life lately: Toggling back and forth so quickly I can’t keep up… Striving to serve others yet feeling invisible in the process… Constantly learning how to support so many and all at one time… Flowing from old-hat skills to the entirely new and back again in seconds with no time to process… Not feeling stellar at anything.

The sheer number of things coming my way, expectations on me (both given and internal) and the level of responsibility pulling at me… they seem constant. With ever-changing schedules and roles, I have found myself emotionally and spiritually exhausted. My heart desires to give more than I am able, and that hurts. Perhaps you have found yourself in a similar place?

I am a proponent for schedules – tight and clear ones, roles with clarified lanes and responsibilities, and boundaries – honoring where I end and others begin. In doing so, I usually feel – at least in some measure – in control of my life. Boundaries give me leverage to manufacture margin. This allows me to put my time where my heart is. Lately, I have felt as though my margin is cloudy. And so I know there are areas where I need revelation, clarity, and healing to move into the future with effectiveness, spiritually and emotionally.

It is important we self-manage. It is important to us all. After all, we will be held responsible for where our time, resources, and gifts go. Though we may feel a victim to expectations, we will be held responsible for outcomes… And so, we must do what it takes to once again put shape to our lives, to manage and steward them well, even as we protect our relationships. I have learned this in difficult ways in times past. And I have since done the work to get there, to manage my life. It took a lot of work but resulted in fruit. I can tell I need to do the work once again.

My personality profiles reveal I am an extroverted introvert. I am individualistic, with a need to unpack, process, and dream on my own for a bit. Yet, side-by-side is a desire to belong to a tribe moving effectively together into that future, doing hard things together. And that may be most difficult of all at this time: Relationships have changed, and I often feel like I am doing hard things alone.

I have lost a relationship in my life that has meant more to me than I could describe, and it breaks my heart. I pray God redeems it. In the meantime, I often ache over it and simply don’t know what to do. Have you ever experienced that? Helplessness and loss? I often find myself confused, knowing the enemy has meddled for years causing chaos and confusion. Yet, in my own strength, I don’t know how to clarify, to purify things. Shapeless. Confusing. Heart breaking.

And, unfortunately, in the midst of it all, in this season called “The Sandwich Generation,” friends have fallen away. I know this can happen in this season, where we strive to help aging parents and children and manage our careers, yet I still find it strange and sad, especially as I care about each one. So I ache in that gap. Have you ever been here? Some of you are there right now.

But here is where I must pause… as a person who has seen the Lord do good and overcome in surprising ways in my life again and again. Here I must rebuke the enemy, that liar, the devil. He would love to convince me, to convince any of us, that we are alone. The Bible says he has made it his job to meddle in the earth, amongst us, to “kill, steal, and destroy.” The enemy clouds our thinking, blocking our view of the multitude of blessings, and creating a fixation in us on the point of pain.

Yet, I am a follower of Jesus… Jesus, the Savior, who tells us, “I came to give life—life in all its fullness” (John 10:10). And His Word is true. Everything He has said will be. Everything He offered in the Bible is available today, for He never changes. That full life, that abundant life, is right here, in our grasp, right in front of us.

Life is confusing. It can be painful. Loneliness knocks at our door. People hurt us. We hurt and sabotage ourselves. News headlines frighten us. Situations turn out differently than we expected, and we wonder why… Was it them? Or was it me? Will it change? Will I? We all do it. We all ache, and we all ponder. But we must not settle into the ache.

Jesus has an outstretched arm, extending a full and abundant life to us, even now, even in the midst of pain. And He has won. Jesus has the victory over darkness, over loneliness, over confusion, and over heartbreak. He has the victory in the world and within us, when we invite Him in.

We who put our faith in Jesus will have the victory. That victory doesn’t come when all of the broken situations are perfectly fixed. Some situations, even relationships, may just float away, as hard as that is. We may never get the apology or reconciliation we long for. Yet, we can still heal, and still overcome, by leaning into Jesus in these moments of trial – in all moments. “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). We can overcome it all… the exhaustion and weariness, for we are of God, and He is greater than it all.

If you too have been aching in this season, please remember this – it may be most important of all: You are not alone. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He has been there for me through thick and thin, pulling me out of despair, replacing ashes with beauty, and depression with joy. And He will do it again. He is doing it now.

What can we do during difficult seasons?

Talk to Jesus.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8).

Literally, where you are, just start talking to Jesus. He is real. He is there. He cares about the smallest thing and the biggest thing, and He will respond by bringing peace and clarity in your spirit.
Catch and release.

“We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

If a thought enters that is painful, condemning, depressing or hopeless, catch it and throw it out. We may not have control of every thought that pops into our heads, but we can control how long they stay there.
Find a friend.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Meet a friend for lunch, or coffee, or on Zoom. Talk about what you are going through and hear what they are experiencing. Share friendship.

If you have recently lost friends, find a new friend and invest in that person. We all need friends. Many of us feel lonely. Put yourself out there. It will bless you and them.
Find a counselor.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail” (James 5:16).

Find a counselor, someone who understands the importance of spiritual healing (from the Holy Spirit of God). Tell them everything. We all need a safe place to fully unload and fully process our burdens. Just getting it all out can be incredibly freeing. The enemy feeds on us in isolation, when we are alone and seemingly in the dark. But the Holy Spirit brings in fresh air and healing when we reveal what was in the dark in the light.
Receive prayer.

“Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord” (James 5:14).

Find a church. Ask for prayer. If you are experiencing a spirit of rejection, oppression, physical or emotional pain, ask them to lay hands on you and pray for you to be released of that. You deserve to walk in freedom, whether that is emotional or physical healing. Jesus died for you to be free.
Read the Bible.

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Admission: It can be hard for me to read an entire book of the Bible. That’s me. But I NEED THE WORD. I need truth! I need to know what God says to combat the lies of the enemy. I need to have the power and weapon of His truth ready to fight off the enemy. So I open my Bible app in the morning and read a few verses at a time. It is life-giving.
Go for a walk. Get sleep. Drink water.

We have physiological needs that must be fulfilled to feel our best. We are meant to move and to sleep. Exercising is something that helps me, yet I do not do it enough. With the cool, crisp air of fall, I am going to make it a point to go out and enjoy myself this fall.
Do something nice for yourself.

Buy the pumpkin latte. Go for a walk through the mall. Visit the restaurant you’ve been meaning to try. Take a hike in that beautiful park. Get your nails done. Go for a bike ride. Get a fresh notebook. Take your spouse somewhere special.

We matter. God’s love for us abounds. He has good for us. The situations we are in will change. There is always hope for change. He is working behind the scenes on our behalf. His Word tells us again and again.

If you have been struggling like I have, join me in praying this out loud…

Prayer

God, I need you. I cannot do any of this on my own. I confess I have sins I hide and pain I protect. I pray that you would remove these burdens from me in Jesus’ name. They are too heavy for me, I confess, and I need your help.

Jesus, I need you. I need saving. I cannot figure my way out of this on my own. I am in over my head. Thank you for dying in my place, to pay the price for my sin and to give me fullness and freedom of life. Please save me and give me hope. I receive your hope, I receive your wholeness, in Jesus’ name.

I pray that you would direct my path. I don’t know what I am doing. Show me where to go and when, what to say “no” to and how, what relationships to invest in, and where I need to forgive. Please help me forgive others and myself.

I give it all to you. Please have your way in my life, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Jim Jordan

This week feels hard: It’s been 10 years since my Grandpa Jim went to heaven, 10 years since I last spoke with him here on earth. He was my best buddy and my advocate, my stability in what otherwise felt chaotic. He was loyal and strong, funny and kind. I always knew I was safe near him, and he was always a phone call and seven-minute-drive away.

He drove me to and picked me up from private school, golf practice, swim practice, and soccer practice, and gave me snack money that always looked ironed. And, oh, how he was patient. He would patiently wait in his car as long as it took for me to chat it up and say my goodbyes to all my friends. And he was always happy to see me, even if he’d been sitting in his car waiting for an hour. Patience described him. He was slow and steady but strong and athletic.

He always made himself available and patiently sat by to support me however I needed it: He came over to help me clean my room or change my oil. He tutored me in math from Cs to A+s. He was an amazing golfer and coached me, no matter my lack of progress.

He and my grandma were a precious and hilarious duo. He was the calm to her spunk. He told slightly off-colored jokes to get a rise out of her, and she never disappointed with her high-pitched, “Jim!” His jack-o-lantern smile at her response was glorious. He pushed her buttons in ways that entertained them both and all of us.

I admired their love and loyalty greatly. They had a partnership revolving around “mutual respect,” as my grandma would describe it, and matchless love.

They supported their daughters and grandkids with an intuitive and exciting love. Something was always planned and everything was a celebration. They didn’t think twice letting me live with them for a couple years when my dad’s job moved him to Milwaukee. And I had a blast watching my grandpa sneak Hershey bars out of the pantry out to the garage when my grandma wasn’t looking.

My grandpa was deeply compassionate. I had a tough go of it, especially in 5th through 7th grades, with issues at home and a back brace that attracted negative attention wherever I went. He always stood up for me against bullying, even against taunting siblings and cousins.

He told me he ate coffee ground sandwiches as a kid and lived in the back of a post office when his dad died, leaving his mom with four growing boys. He stood in the relief line waiting for bread while school kids mocked him. His empathy meant he always found the unlikely friend in a crowd. He would sit down beside them, no matter the economics or ethnicity. He was the common man and wanted everyone to feel seen and peaceful.

Though he grew up poor, he went on to serve in the navy, play football as a Razorback, and with the Detroit Lions practice squad. He became a respected engineer, building the largest furnace in that time. He was a devoted church elder and engaged member of their community.

He gave us all a good life, but he always said, “Don’t love something that can’t love you back.” He taught me so many short, memorable phrases about honoring God, people, and yourself, and lots of hilarious jokes. He wanted me to remember how much he loved me.

I got him for 30 years. The last thing he said to me before he went on to heaven was, “I love you more than your husband,” and chuckled. He just wanted to make sure he always held a piece of my heart when he moved on so I remembered I was always loved and never alone. I married someone just like him and have a marriage similar to my grandparents. Oh, how blessed I am for my Grandpa Jim.

I miss you, Pops. I’ll see you forever one day. Love, “Sissy”

On being reunited with loved ones…

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17).

The Weight of Trust

“I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you…” These are the first three lines of a worship song I was listening to yesterday by United Pursuit, a band I love. I just had the Pandora station on rotation, but hearing these lines stopped me in my tracks.

I’m not used to saying these words. I mean, how many people can you really say that to? Some people have a hard time saying, “I love you.” I don’t. I have always loved people. I love being around them. I gain energy from them. And I love encouraging them.

I grew up in a church with pastors who, when you ran into them at the mall, even after a long time, would always tell you they love you. And they truly meant it. Their kindness showed, and it felt like love radiating through them. They were an awesome example of loving others and always letting them know.

But trust… trusting people… oh my. I have some work to do there. Clearly some healing is needed. And oddly, when you come to learn that you can’t trust people you thought you could, you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust in your own discernment. And then a wall of protection forms. The problem is, that wall keeps the good out too.

As I hear the words, “I know that I can trust you,” I stop, I listen, and I feel. And I am saddened by the baggage I bring to new relationships, that it takes me so long and such depth of interaction to even slightly trust others. I have work and healing to do there. Maybe you do too.

Trust is weighty. Trust bares the responsibility of integrity with consistency. Trust bares the weight of care, to care more about me than about the interesting conversation you could have about me for 10 minutes with someone else.

For me, trust means being safe even when you are angry. It means loving me outside of what brand I’m representing, what amount of money I make or where I choose to place it. Trust means you assume the best about me even when you hear the worst. It means being who you said you were last year this year. And so it is hard to trust because, after all, people are people, full of hurt, pain, and trust issues of their own.

I hope one day I will trust people more, that I will go deeper quicker. I believe I will because God is a healing God. And lately He has introduced me to more people who deserve to be trusted. And wow, that is a gift. It has shown me that I need to heal, and people are worth pulling my wall down for.

But the truth is, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even the saints of us sin and fall because we bare human flesh. Others will let us down… those very close to us. And we will let ourselves down. As much as we want them to be trustworthy, we too will fail. It is hard for each of us is human after all.

Yet, we can fully and wholly trust God. He always has our best in mind. He always gives. And He never changes. His love towards us never changes. When we trust Him, we will never regret it.

God always overdelivers. He always gives us more love, more abundance, forgiveness and goodness than we deserve when we put our trust in Him. No one can ever talk Him out of loving us or even liking us.

We can trust Him – fully and wholly trust Him. He will always love us. He will never leave us. He always helps us, no matter what the topic or issue, large or small. We can trust Him because He knows all, His ways are best, and He always has our best at heart.

Prayer

I come to you, Lord, trusting you with all that I am and all that I have. Sometimes it feels like very little if only a hot mess. And I need your help… to have courage to put my heart back out there without a wall around it, to trust you for wisdom and discernment and protection and healing as I do, as I seek to go deeper with others.

I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… And that you will help me. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Finding Our Way Home

The Lord is always calling us back, reminding us of His great love for us. He is a just God, and He is a good God. He knows there must be atonement for sin, that our sin debt must be paid. Yet, He cannot handle, He cannot fathom, living apart from us. He grieves deeply when we walk away from Him, even when we wander. As our Creator, He knows we are created, even wired, to be in relationship with Him.

We as parents become desperate when our young child wanders away. They are looking for freedom, yet we know what lurks around the corner, and so we desperately desire to help them, to protect them, because we love them.

God feels this way about us: He loves us, wants to help us and protect us, because He sees the pitfalls and the pain that lies around the corner. He sees if our ways are leading to death, and He so desperately wants to intervene to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.

Yet, in His love for us, He has given us free will. He does not want to control us. He wants to love us and be in relationship with us. Yet, we have a choice: To walk hand-in-hand with Him or to set off on our own.

So, He calls out to us again and again. He speaks to us in a still, small voice, guiding us. He speaks to us through nature – His creation, through music, through others. He speaks to us so clearly and directly in His Word, the Bible. He ever desires to be in relationship with us, now and forever.

I’m reading the Bible, in the book of Hosea, about God’s people, the people of Israel, walking away from Him. After guiding, leading, protecting, providing for and loving them, they have walked away from God and chosen their own projects over Him – lifeless, silver idols. You see a desperate Father who sees His children are headed for death – the just consequences of their choices, but He cannot bare it, though they have turned their backs on a relationship with Him. Yet, He does not give up on them, and He never gives up on us.

Eternal death was their consequence for sin, and so this loving Father determines to conquer even death for them. He says, “I want to free them from the power of the grave. I want to reclaim them from death” (Hosea 13:14).

Instead of death, what they deserved – what we deserve for our sins, He says, “I will cure them of their unfaithfulness. I will love them freely… I will no longer be angry with them. I will be like the dew to the people of Israel. They will blossom like flowers” (Hosea 14:5).

As a just God, He knows their sin must be rectified, yet His loves leads over anger, and He brings a cure: The cure is love. And so, He sends love into the world to rectify wrong. Love conquers. Mercy triumphs over judgement.

God sent Jesus to conquer death, to take on the consequences of our sins in our place, so we could be made right with God and spend eternity with Him. And Jesus, God in the flesh, the light of the world, the very person called “Love,” in His love, laid down His life by death on a cross to restore our brokenness, to make us right with God.

This is love.

This is God.

This is Easter.

Love has a name. His name is JESUS.

Jesus is calling you. Your Father wants to spend eternity with you. He changed it all, conquered it all, with you in mind. In His love, Jesus, the one who IS Love, died for you, rose for you and lives for you today. Will you live for Him, with Him, for eternity? Not one thing separates you from this opportunity.

If you want to receive this gift, the removal of your sins and eternity with God in heaven, as well as His love, protection and guidance in this world, whisper (or shout) this prayer…

God, I admit I have sinned. I need you. I surrender my life to you. I can’t do this on my own. I cannot live this life as you desire. I pray that you would help me. Jesus, I acknowledge that you are Lord, that you are way – the only way to the Father. I receive you as the Savior of my life. Save me. I invite you into my heart and into my life. Please forgive me for my sins. Heal me. Please help me. I want to walk with you, God. Please show me how. Please heal me and guide me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Love more. Cancel less.

I have experienced a strange phenomenon in which good people – those who have sacrificed their time, talents and resources for the good of others – are villainized rather than appreciated, suddenly put at an arm’s length with no explanation. They are simply canceled, all good erased, as if they no longer exist.

To be on the receiving end of this behavior is incredibly confusing, painful and heartbreaking. Many of us have been on the receiving end, and it hurts. Likewise, most of us have been the perpetrator at some point, canceling a friend or family member with no warning, conversation or explanation. They are suddenly dropped.

Perhaps we have convinced ourselves no one is this nice, believing they must be “up to something”; strings must be attached. Perhaps their kindness or their talents threaten us. We assume they must be exerting their power over us or are out for something more that we have yet to see. Perhaps they don’t do things exactly as we do, have a friend we wouldn’t, or believe slightly differently on a topic; and one day we turn our nose up, deeming them to be a “them,” not an “us”.

I look back wondering if I have done this to well-meaning, good-hearted people. I am ashamed to find I have done so at times in my haste to weed out the bad or to be sure I am not taken for. Insecurity, inferiority, or paranoia can manifest itself as self-protection and lead us to draw quick, irrational conclusions that hurt others. This is sad, and it is wrong. We wound each other so deeply when we do this.

We need one another, and we need to honor one another. We need to take time to see others for who they truly are. I pray, even in this evil world, that we can still believe in and recognize the good in people, that we can still accept love without questioning motives, that we can see the good in people rather than quickly jumping to judgement.

Currently, so many things stop us:

Doubt. We doubt that anyone can be good.
Complacency. We have allowed our hearts to be dulled amid our conspiracies, and it keeps us from caring.
Fear. We fear being taken advantage of and missing a red flag. Haughtiness. We believe our time and feelings are superior to others.

I pray this phenomenon among us stops. Through the Lord’s help, we can use discernment without cutting everyone out and alienating others.

The Bible helps us weigh the truth about people so our perspectives can be more balanced. It tells us this: “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43-45).

We do not need to be skeptical of everyone and everything, especially those who have continued to share love and bare fruit in our lives. I personally want to repent for my skepticism, for allowing my baggage to hurt good people, for not taking the time to rightly judge a situation, for quickly putting on my lens of judgement instead of love.

If you too want to change, if you want your filter to be cleansed, join me in asking the Lord to help us. I want to see others through a correct lens, through God’s eyes, His perspective. We need His help to reveal the truth of others’ motives; to preserve and protect relationships, to guard meaningful relationships rather than cancelling for fear of the bad.

Let’s stop cancelling each other and putting one another at an arm’s length, especially those whom we love and those who love us, “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7), nor has He given us a spirit of haughtiness. Haughtiness and complacency come from our sinful nature.

My Prayer

Lord, would you cause your love to grow in us and abound towards others? Would you cause us to trust you more than we fear potential outcomes? Would you cause us to see others as you do? Would you remove the calluses and give us a clean heart? Help us think upon whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is admirable. Please help us put aside any haughtiness or insecurity that isolates others and isolates us. Help us to be more like you, in Jesus’ name, Amen.