God – Page 6 – Sarah Guldalian

You Have Issues.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, even saying, “I have issues”?

The truth is, we all have issues. There are no people who have no issues. (Yes, you read that right.) The people who seemingly have no (or less) issues have either put in the time and work to get to the other side of (some of) them; or they exert great energy to keep them from surfacing. Why would ~~they~~ we do that?

As someone who has had lots of issues over the decades, let me name some of the reasons we exert such great effort to conceal them:

To simply function.
To feel some semblance of control.
To feel accepted by society.
To avoid “bothering” others.
Because of stubbornness or pride.
Because of fear.

Now that I have named reasons we conceal our issues, let me also label the above as things that will keep us from being healed if we don’t release them.

I am sometimes on the other side of (at least the majority of) my issues, and sometimes I am smack-dab in the hot, sticky mess of issues. Sometimes I played a role in the creation of those issues, but a lot of times, they came out of nowhere from truly unexpected people and places.

When I am doing well, people ask how I got victory over those insanely crazy things. Let me first say, never did stuffing or concealing heal me. I once took pride in the fact that I didn’t cry for a decade, especially considering my experiences in that decade. But I won no trophies. Instead, my emotions came out as (lots and lots of) panic attacks and anorexia.

For each of the issues I have (to some extent) overcome, there is one common thread — I put in the time and really uncomfortable work to acknowledge and address those issues. And I never did it alone.

I have learned that healing takes time, but it’s not the kind of time people talk about, like “Time heals all wounds.” Time itself does not heal all wounds, especially if you marinated in a chaotic environment that created issues within you since childhood. Likewise, it’s not like living two years past a horrible trauma can suddenly – poof! – make you better. Clocks don’t do that.

The way time heals us is when we invest time in our healing. When we quit running around like a chicken with our heads cut off (avoidance) and set aside time to address issues, to get to the root of them, and deal with them, then time helps heal us.

There are some very precious people and actions that can aid in our time of healing. If you are looking to heal, to work on some of the issues that plague your thinking, rob you of peace, and attack your nervous system, you can!

Let me first say, I am no counselor. I am not a pastor. I am a mess. But I am a mess who is constantly being redeemed and refined by the grace of God. (And like any true mom, when I find something that works, I am telling the world!) So let me share the actions and people who have (and do) help(ed) me.

People We Need

The Holy Spirit!

There is no lasting healing without the Lord. Period. We are too tangled and locked up for any human alone to heal us. But Jesus left His precious Holy Spirit with us when He ascended as “the Comforter” to bring us comfort, wisdom, and peace that surpasses our ability to understand.
Friends – actual friends (You know what I’m talking about.)

If you have a friend who repeats what you say in confidence or judges you when you are truly yourself, that is counterproductive. This is not the friend I am talking about, no matter how long you have been friends.

Connect with a friend who you know your heart is safe with, who you truly know wants to see you walking in joy and freedom, even if they are decades older or five years younger.
A Counselor

Counselors know how nervous systems work. They know how trauma works – how it impacts our brains, our bodies, and our relationships. They have tactics to help us move past the hurdles that keep us from healing to keep moving towards healing.
Community

We can’t heal alone! We need to talk to people. We need a hug! We need understanding. We need empathy. I don’t care how independent you are, you need this. We were wired to be in fellowship with others. It’s how God made us.

Actions We Can Take

1. Be willing to go “there” with your friend – to let down the façade and show them who you really are and what you are really experiencing. We all innately desire to be known, but we will never be known unless we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

2. Be willing to look weak, to even have hand tremors, by talking about the scary things that need light shone on them. Don’t be afraid of your own fear. Keep pushing ahead!

3. Be willing to have triggers.

Drive down that particular road to get to the place you need to go to get help. Be willing to go to that restaurant that reminds you of that experience if it helps you get through it. Push through!

4. Invest the time and money to go to counseling.

If they don’t take insurance but you have the money, do it! Your peace for the rest of your life – shoot, even for today – is worth the investment! Or, if you don’t have the money (been there), ask if they have a special program or know of one, they can refer you to.

I have been investing the time in all of the above – these relationships and these actions; and I can honestly say they have helped me so much. Not all of my issues are resolved. (In fact, I just laughed out loud at that notion.) Some issues may never be until heaven. I have gained so much, though.

I have truly experienced full freedom in some of them, developed rich relationships in the process, gained coping tactics for some that stick, and I have gained a lot more courage and fight in me by acknowledging and addressing these issues. And, honestly, I feel more loved — because I have learned so much about God and myself in the process. I have also given others a chance to truly know me, and so I know their love for me is genuine. That is a real gift from it.

Yes, it takes time, emotion, energy, and maybe even money, to heal from issues, but you deserve freedom! Invest in your healing. You are worth it. You will truly feel proud of yourself for being a good friend to yourself in the process. And that alone has truly helped me hold my head up high.

Sending you love, Sarah

Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever felt like God didn’t hear your prayer? Have you felt like your prayers, in one particular area, simply ricocheted against a wall?

Throughout my life, I have seen life-changing miracles – goosebump-producing breakthroughs and truly unexpected healings. Yet, in one particular area – an area where I exerted daily energy, efforts and prayer – I didn’t see breakthrough. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break or come up for air. Instead of breakthrough, the roller coaster of pain and confusion escalated – more disappointment, heartbreak, and fear – no matter what I did. I wondered why the Lord wasn’t hearing my prayer for breakthrough in this prominent area of my life.

This past week at a Bible Study, Dr. Richard Blackaby said, “God has eternity in view.” This is exactly right. This is why He doesn’t answer our prayers the way our finite minds and fickle emotions call them. God has eternity in view. God’s ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Simply put, He knows more than we know, and His plans for our future are good.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Father God sees all things. He sees before and behind. He sees above and below. He sees the inside of a situation – not just the outside, our view.

God knew us – He planned us – before we were conceived. He knows the purpose He has placed in each one of us. He knows the calling He has on our life. He put it there. God knows what He has planned for us to accomplish in our time on this earth. He knows what He has in store for us for eternity.

There is an absolute reason God placed each one of us here. And He knows we will not be fulfilled until we are walking in the calling He has placed in our lives. He is the missing puzzle piece in any area we feel lack. There is no replacement for God’s presence or direction in our lives!

To live out the call God has placed on us, we must walk with Him. We must hear His voice. That means the sirens of life must die down. If we will not turn them down and we continue to run to their beckon call, we will run aimlessly through our days. Instead of living on mission, we will never find fulfillment. So, our Father – loving and gracious as He is – steps in. While we cling tightly to the familiar, just asking for a quick fix, Father God knows there is complete healing available in the release.

And our loving Father knows His children. He knows when we will not let go. He knows when we will not leave. So, instead of breakthrough – instead of opening the door we asked Him to open – His loving response is to give us an evacuation plan. He knows the best thing for us is to pluck us out of a situation. God knows that healing in this situation is not another band-aid but being removed from it altogether.

It can be heartbreaking – absolutely gut-wrenching – especially when it is all we know and our lives have been so intertwined with this situation. But some situations, some relationships, are a distraction. They threaten to pull us off course from God’s direction for our lives. They threaten to remove us from our calling altogether.

As God-fearing people who confess Jesus as Lord, we are to have no other gods – no other thing we cling to but Him. We, in our desperation, just want to satiate momentary heartbreak, so we run to others in the place of God. But God will not share His seat with another. We are not to put people on a pedestal. Only God is on the throne, and He will not share His glory with another. “I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not yield my glory to another or my praise to idols” (Isaiah 42:8).

To those who have submitted to His Lordship, He will stop us from running into the fire and destroying ourselves completely. This is all because of His merciful love towards us. In His love, He does not give us the finite answer we asked for in a complex situation, because He knows it holds spiritual and eternal consequences. Therefore, in our finite view, we sometimes see His answer as a “no,” but He is saying “yes” to full and complete healing for our lives. He doesn’t want us to settle or to lose it all.

What I have been learning is that there are natural consequences for sin. We cannot let people’s sin, including our own, change our view of God. God is always good and just. He, as a loving Father, will not spare us of correction, like insulant, spoiled children. He cares about us far more than that. He wants good for our lives and for eternity.

Father God knows who we truly are and where we are headed. He knows when we need a course-correction. He even knows when we will continue in the wrong direction for a lifetime. He sees that we are headed right into traffic where we are going to be taken out. So, as a loving Father, He picks us up and moves us out of the way.

When we find ourselves in silence, out of the commotion and chaos we are so accustomed, we may feel loss – the loss of the familiar. But God is here to replace our lack with His love, and He is ready to start the healing process within us towards wholeness.

Lastly, I think of the lame man in the Bible from John 5. He lived His life on a mat, in pain, carried around by his friends. One day, his friends carry him to the house where Jesus is. He has an encounter with Jesus. Jesus wants to bring him healing, but the mat must go. It cannot go into this next season with him, as it has with all of his seasons so far.

As we sit from the outside looking in, we get excited that this man is about to be healed by Jesus Himself. Yet, if you were the lame man in that moment, so physically hindered that your whole life has been confined to this mat, you might feel devastated if it is one day taken away.

Jesus says to him, “’Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.’ At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked” (John 5:8-19). In one moment, his band-aid – his immediate fix – has been taken away, but it has been replaced with total healing and freedom. I believe God is answering some of our prayers today with these words, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

I pray today, that as you process through the changes in your life that may feel like loss, that you would lean on the Lord to fill all that feels like lack. I pray that He gives you fresh vision and fresh anointing for this next season of freedom for you and for your life.

I pray that the Lord surrounds you with His comfort, His love and His wisdom. I pray that He shows you how to move ahead and how it is for your good. I pray that He surrounds you with Godly friends and influences. I pray that you learn to hear His voice above all else. And I pray that His Holy Spirit does a healing work in you internally as He has been doing in me. In Jesus’ name.

Sending you love, Sarah

The Goodness of God

I was recently asked to speak about the goodness of God. Oh my, this was the easiest topic to share about, because God is so good.

God in His very nature is good. He Himself is the definition of good. Just as Jesus is synonymous with the Word — “The Word became flesh and dwelled among us” (John 1:14) – so is God synonymous good. His goodness compares to none. Even Jesus, during His earthly ministry, said He himself had not attained goodness. [When called “Good Teacher”, Jesus responded, “Why do you call me good?… No one is good—except God alone” (Mark 10:18).] True goodness is God.

In “The Great Divorce,” C.S. Lewis said it well – “There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.” When we look to God, we are in the light, and we too are good: “If we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). When we turn away, we are in darkness.

Yet, though we turn away from God, He does not turn away from us. He is not like us. Even in our sin, our Heavenly Father pursues us in love: “Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6). His desire is to be with us, to lavish love on us, forever. In fact, He runs after us with an unfailing love and so many precious gifts of His goodness.

Here are a few of the good – more than that, the great – things of God towards us!

1) His Love towards us

His love is far greater than our sin.
- “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:11-12).
Nothing can separate us from His love. Abba never stops loving us.
- “Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).

2) His Presence in our lives

He is always present.
- “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging” (Psalm 46:1).
Therefore, we can take refuge – we can hide – in Him.
- “Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1).

3) His Promises are precious.

He always keeps His word.
- “God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” (Numbers 23:19).
God never abandons us.
- “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
Therefore, we can trust Him.

4) His Protection & Plans

Because He is good, my future is secure.
- Here and for eternity!
Therefore, I am good!
- I am set. My feet are on solid rock.

5) His Healing
Physically, mentally, emotionally, & spiritually

He redeems! “And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness— secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name” (Isaiah 45:3).
He restores! “For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” (Romans 8:15)

6) How Great Is His Call to Us Who Love & Follow Him

Because He lives in me, I can do good.

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased” (Hebrews 13:16).
Because He comforts me in times of trouble, I can comfort others.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ” (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
Because He is good and has good for me, I can smile at the days ahead.

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25).
His goodness extends for eternity – not simply the here or now, but forever when we trust in Him.

Because God is good and He loves me, I know I am good, and I can do good to others! We cannot out run His love!

You Don’t Need Permission.

You don’t owe them an explanation for where you ended up.

Have you been playing and replaying scenarios in your mind to feel clearance or permission to step into your future – to step out where you know God is calling you? Some of us have selective hearing for fear of what others may think. (A person’s face may even come to mind.)

Don’t look backwards for some imaginary permission. Your life belongs to no one but God and to you. And He is merciful, forgiving, empowering, and emboldening.

You owe no one a signature to sign off on your life or moving ahead in your calling. The more tethered you feel – the more obligated, the more determined you must be to rise above, to keep on going, and to run YOUR race set out before YOU. Keep running!

About Jesus, they said, “Does any GOOD come from Nazareth?” (The irony of it is, Jesus Himself was the human expression of good.) And look at His example: He did not need their permission to live out His mission, to take the steps needed to accomplish His goal. He didn’t have their permission, and He didn’t need it. He kept on course. He went from town to town, doing GOOD and healing all who were oppressed by the devil. Jesus faced opposition, and He kept doing good.

Jesus was wise. He didn’t chart His own path. He didn’t lean on His own goodness. When called “The Good Teacher,” He said, “Why do you call me good? Only God is truly good” (Jesus’ words from Luke 18:19). He did as His Father told Him: “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does” (Jesus’ words from John 5:19).

Jesus went where He was told, and He left when He was told, saying “For my time has not yet come.” He came to do good and to accomplish GOOD. And He was going to use the wisdom coupled with the innocence He called His disciples to when He sent them out, being “wise as a serpent, innocent as a dove” (Jesus’ words from Matthew 10:16).

You do not need permission from those in your past to step into the good future God has called you to. To be like Jesus, you only need Father God’s voice guiding you, telling you where to go and when to leave. To do the good He is calling you to, you need only HIS permission. We need a sensitivity to hear His voice above all the rest and COURAGE to live in boldness, like the Lion of Judah, balanced with the humility to be like the Lamb, Jesus, as HE leads.

Go and do good. Go and do the good God has set apart for your life, for your future!

One Little Word – A Whole Lot of Power

I think we underestimate just how real and how deep the internal struggle has become.

We used to hide behind physical walls, but in this decade, with the opposition and polarity we have encountered, we have withdrawn layers further internally than before. And though we walk the streets and halls in public again, that internal isolation has traveled with us as we walk.

But, do you know that you – a total and complete stranger – have the power to help pull someone out from isolation with a single word? It’s true.

Just saying “hello,” making eye contact, and sharing a smile, reminds a person they are here, they are alive, they are part of a community, and they are seen. This reminds them there is still good in the world, and it is still worth engaging in.

Never would I ever have believed a smile was a risk. But it is in this current world. When you show another human, a stranger, you are willing to take a risk for them, ever so slight as it is, it changes everything. You may as well have stuck your hand into the pit to pull a fellow human out.

Say “hello.” It may encourage a fellow human to hop back into life.

The Christmas Blues: From Joy to Grief & Back Again

As parents – and women, especially – we are natural nurturers. It is how God wired us. This is what motivates us to feed our children, to protect them, keep them safe, healthy, and warm. It also places us smack-dab in the middle of Christmas planning, and dreaming, and shopping, cooking, cleaning, inviting, and… hurting.

Our nurturing spirits say, “Let’s come together. Let’s be together. Is everyone good?” And this is where Christmas, the holidays, can hurt… Because not everything is good. Some are even missing from the table entirely.

Our minds seem to wander back to our childhood, and then the decades between – imagining Christmas trees, and Christmas meals, laughter — even arguments. Our memories are sweet, and they are difficult. As we experience conflicting emotions, it is easy to become perplexed and fatigued.

Our Christmas memories can be good… I see my grandpa’s face, and my grandparents flirting in the kitchen… My grandma hustling and bustling about on Christmas Eve, with matching gifts and stockings for the grandkids, full of popcorn balls, McDonald’s “money”, and real money she ironed before inserting into cards. And I remember Christmas Day at noon when my best friend and I, who lived around the corner, would joyfully swap gift lists over the telephone (with the curly cord), excited because we shared everything. Joyful memories.

Christmas memories can be beautiful, and they can be disappointing. I remember the difficult times in my household, when my parents struggled, and so we all did. As I think back on Christmases of the past, I see people there who I won’t see again this side of heaven, either because they are already there, or because of brokenness within family. And it can hurt, because things have changed.

Maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you see faces there too. Maybe you have lost someone, who has passed on, or miss someone you are now living separately from. Maybe you are grieving the loss of a dream or vision you once had of a spouse or having a child, and it hurts.

And so, this joyful time – adorned with greens & reds, gold & silver, gifts, treats, parties, and the joy of creating memories for our littles – they excite our heads and hearts. And yet, we feel the tension, maybe even manic in moments, at the pain and the joy at play at once.

But here, under the pressure, in the merry-go-round of ups and downs, between joy and grief, we can stop. We can lift our faces to heaven. We can open our arms and our chest to the sky, and we can cry out to God, in surrender, for His help. And, He is there. He is here. He is the center.

Jesus is the center. HE is the real thing. HE is the reason. Amidst the emotional chaos, all things can fall away, fall off. And we can focus on the one thing this season is about, who this life is about – the reason for this season, the reason we are here – Jesus. And He is with us: Immanuel, God with us. Always.As you stop and process, pray and laugh, and even hurt, here is truth we can cling to:

When all of the things have changed, Jesus has not. He never changes.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
And He never leaves us – not ever. He has always been. He will always be.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

When we feel alone in our memories, we can know: We are not alone now, and we were notalone then… I was not alone. My parents were not alone in the pressure. And you were not alone in that moment… in that very moment, because God transcends time. As He is with you now, He was with you then.

“Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.’” (John 8:58)

And so, as we prepare for Christmas – in this day, in this moment, throughout the week – we can have hope, because He is with us, Immanuel. He was with us then. He never changes. He never leaves. And He never will.

So, we can surrender all to Him – All that overwhelms: The past – the things, the people, the relationships lost… Even the present – the expectations, the successes, our failures…We can surrender them all, and fix our eyes on Him – on the baby in the manger, who surrendered His throne to be born in wood from a barn, in a body confined. He came to release us from the pieces, and the confinements of our minds and our lives. He came that we would be free, free from emotional and spiritual pain, free from the curse of death.

And we can even feel peace when our minds wander backwards, knowing He was with us then, as well. We were in His care then; we are now; and we forevermore will be, when we place our trust in Him.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

The Weight of Trust

“I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you…” These are the first three lines of a worship song I was listening to yesterday by United Pursuit, a band I love. I just had the Pandora station on rotation, but hearing these lines stopped me in my tracks.

I’m not used to saying these words. I mean, how many people can you really say that to? Some people have a hard time saying, “I love you.” I don’t. I have always loved people. I love being around them. I gain energy from them. And I love encouraging them.

I grew up in a church with pastors who, when you ran into them at the mall, even after a long time, would always tell you they love you. And they truly meant it. Their kindness showed, and it felt like love radiating through them. They were an awesome example of loving others and always letting them know.

But trust… trusting people… oh my. I have some work to do there. Clearly some healing is needed. And oddly, when you come to learn that you can’t trust people you thought you could, you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust in your own discernment. And then a wall of protection forms. The problem is, that wall keeps the good out too.

As I hear the words, “I know that I can trust you,” I stop, I listen, and I feel. And I am saddened by the baggage I bring to new relationships, that it takes me so long and such depth of interaction to even slightly trust others. I have work and healing to do there. Maybe you do too.

Trust is weighty. Trust bares the responsibility of integrity with consistency. Trust bares the weight of care, to care more about me than about the interesting conversation you could have about me for 10 minutes with someone else.

For me, trust means being safe even when you are angry. It means loving me outside of what brand I’m representing, what amount of money I make or where I choose to place it. Trust means you assume the best about me even when you hear the worst. It means being who you said you were last year this year. And so it is hard to trust because, after all, people are people, full of hurt, pain, and trust issues of their own.

I hope one day I will trust people more, that I will go deeper quicker. I believe I will because God is a healing God. And lately He has introduced me to more people who deserve to be trusted. And wow, that is a gift. It has shown me that I need to heal, and people are worth pulling my wall down for.

But the truth is, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even the saints of us sin and fall because we bare human flesh. Others will let us down… those very close to us. And we will let ourselves down. As much as we want them to be trustworthy, we too will fail. It is hard for each of us is human after all.

Yet, we can fully and wholly trust God. He always has our best in mind. He always gives. And He never changes. His love towards us never changes. When we trust Him, we will never regret it.

God always overdelivers. He always gives us more love, more abundance, forgiveness and goodness than we deserve when we put our trust in Him. No one can ever talk Him out of loving us or even liking us.

We can trust Him – fully and wholly trust Him. He will always love us. He will never leave us. He always helps us, no matter what the topic or issue, large or small. We can trust Him because He knows all, His ways are best, and He always has our best at heart.

Prayer

I come to you, Lord, trusting you with all that I am and all that I have. Sometimes it feels like very little if only a hot mess. And I need your help… to have courage to put my heart back out there without a wall around it, to trust you for wisdom and discernment and protection and healing as I do, as I seek to go deeper with others.

I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… And that you will help me. In Jesus’s name, amen.

The Path Leading to Nowhere

Are you looking for God? Or are you looking for yourself?

If you are looking for yourself, apart from God, get ready for a painful and confusing ride. Let’s face it: Apart from Him, we have no idea who we are, and the exercise of “finding ourselves” is nothing more than a wild goose chase.

So many factors influence our thoughts and feelings daily from lack of sleep and fluctuating hormones, to more deeply-woven issues such as unforgiveness or pure selfishness, to fear influenced by powerful, external voices or the incessant drip of media.

For example:

Observing a beautiful person wearing a high-end outfit can be enough to change our whole course of existence, moving us to a wealth-motivated mentality, when viewed through a lens of jealousy.
Receiving a compliment from a person of clout could be enough to move us into an accomplishment, achiever mentality, where we begin putting tasks before people, when ego lies beneath the surface.
A raging desire to be known can convince us we are more talented or deserving than others, justifying us to push anyone out of our way, at any cost, to gain access to the lime light.
Unaddressed pain can move us into paranoia, chipping away at our view of those we can trust, altering how we relate to others and respond to situations, even how we view God.

If you are looking for yourself, you have joined me in a painful, embarrassing ride. Elevating self is a part of our sinful nature, yet it is a hollow journey that can lead to confusion, depression, and broken relationships. And my, how I continue to find myself in this position, even at my age. (Yeesh!)

Perhaps you are like me, and you have learned you cannot do this: You cannot “find yourself” apart from your creator. Apart from Him, I have no idea who I am or what I am supposed to do. I am like a reed blowing in the wind. Yet, when anchored in Christ, reading the Bible (God’s letter to us), we will no longer be confused by our own fickle, selfish nature, but we will know what is true, what is right, and how to accomplish every good work. [Check out 2 Timothy 3:16-17.]

If you are exhausted and found yourself caught in the midst of confusion (once again), quit trying to find yourself, and find God. What is He up to? Where is He leading you? How is He beckoning you into His work of redemption? Going where He goes and becoming a part of His movement is the place where we will find fulfillment, contentment, peace, and joy.

After all, we have been made in the likeness, in the image, of God, as His children. When we find Him, we find ourselves… we find our home, we find our calling, we find our peace.

Prayer

Dear Lord, I have done it again. I made it all about me. In my selfishness, insecurity, or ego, I made it all about me again. I went on a journey to find myself. Yet, I acknowledge I am nothing apart from you. Please help me follow you. Please help me know where to go and when. Help me to follow you in your work. Help me do my part – the part you created me to do. And please forgive me for trying to figure it out on my own. My ego is a problem, and I ask you to forgive me, correct me and put me back on course. Thank you for loving me through this journey and always. I love you, Lord, and I repent. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Forever Present

You were called by God to do the things God called you to do. You don’t always get to call it. And sometimes that is hard. And sometimes that is lonely. But I have found that Jesus is always there – wherever you are, even when you feel withdrawn and like you are nowhere at all. He is there.

And that is the thread… Jesus is the thread that weaves throughout our experiences, seasons and moments, that feel so painful, and joyful, and fragmented and robust. He is always there.

Whether you were called to be in your family, or you were called to a certain vocation, called to be the strong and silent, the loud and pioneering, or you were called to turn pain into compassion… the calling can feel lonely at times. But Jesus is always. Jesus is everywhere. Jesus is. He is with you, wherever you find yourself, plant yourself or end up by accident.

Look for Him. He is always there – wherever you are right now… in your lowest moment, your highest moment, in the darkness or in the light. Look for Him. He is omnipresent: present everywhere.

I feel a little low this week, but that is okay, because I know He is here. And His presence turns the low to high and the dark to light. Just knowing He is there makes anywhere okay.

Finding Our Way Home

The Lord is always calling us back, reminding us of His great love for us. He is a just God, and He is a good God. He knows there must be atonement for sin, that our sin debt must be paid. Yet, He cannot handle, He cannot fathom, living apart from us. He grieves deeply when we walk away from Him, even when we wander. As our Creator, He knows we are created, even wired, to be in relationship with Him.

We as parents become desperate when our young child wanders away. They are looking for freedom, yet we know what lurks around the corner, and so we desperately desire to help them, to protect them, because we love them.

God feels this way about us: He loves us, wants to help us and protect us, because He sees the pitfalls and the pain that lies around the corner. He sees if our ways are leading to death, and He so desperately wants to intervene to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.

Yet, in His love for us, He has given us free will. He does not want to control us. He wants to love us and be in relationship with us. Yet, we have a choice: To walk hand-in-hand with Him or to set off on our own.

So, He calls out to us again and again. He speaks to us in a still, small voice, guiding us. He speaks to us through nature – His creation, through music, through others. He speaks to us so clearly and directly in His Word, the Bible. He ever desires to be in relationship with us, now and forever.

I’m reading the Bible, in the book of Hosea, about God’s people, the people of Israel, walking away from Him. After guiding, leading, protecting, providing for and loving them, they have walked away from God and chosen their own projects over Him – lifeless, silver idols. You see a desperate Father who sees His children are headed for death – the just consequences of their choices, but He cannot bare it, though they have turned their backs on a relationship with Him. Yet, He does not give up on them, and He never gives up on us.

Eternal death was their consequence for sin, and so this loving Father determines to conquer even death for them. He says, “I want to free them from the power of the grave. I want to reclaim them from death” (Hosea 13:14).

Instead of death, what they deserved – what we deserve for our sins, He says, “I will cure them of their unfaithfulness. I will love them freely… I will no longer be angry with them. I will be like the dew to the people of Israel. They will blossom like flowers” (Hosea 14:5).

As a just God, He knows their sin must be rectified, yet His loves leads over anger, and He brings a cure: The cure is love. And so, He sends love into the world to rectify wrong. Love conquers. Mercy triumphs over judgement.

God sent Jesus to conquer death, to take on the consequences of our sins in our place, so we could be made right with God and spend eternity with Him. And Jesus, God in the flesh, the light of the world, the very person called “Love,” in His love, laid down His life by death on a cross to restore our brokenness, to make us right with God.

This is love.

This is God.

This is Easter.

Love has a name. His name is JESUS.

Jesus is calling you. Your Father wants to spend eternity with you. He changed it all, conquered it all, with you in mind. In His love, Jesus, the one who IS Love, died for you, rose for you and lives for you today. Will you live for Him, with Him, for eternity? Not one thing separates you from this opportunity.

If you want to receive this gift, the removal of your sins and eternity with God in heaven, as well as His love, protection and guidance in this world, whisper (or shout) this prayer…

God, I admit I have sinned. I need you. I surrender my life to you. I can’t do this on my own. I cannot live this life as you desire. I pray that you would help me. Jesus, I acknowledge that you are Lord, that you are way – the only way to the Father. I receive you as the Savior of my life. Save me. I invite you into my heart and into my life. Please forgive me for my sins. Heal me. Please help me. I want to walk with you, God. Please show me how. Please heal me and guide me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.