Christ – Sarah Guldalian

The Weight of Trust

“I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you…” These are the first three lines of a worship song I was listening to yesterday by United Pursuit, a band I love. I just had the Pandora station on rotation, but hearing these lines stopped me in my tracks.

I’m not used to saying these words. I mean, how many people can you really say that to? Some people have a hard time saying, “I love you.” I don’t. I have always loved people. I love being around them. I gain energy from them. And I love encouraging them.

I grew up in a church with pastors who, when you ran into them at the mall, even after a long time, would always tell you they love you. And they truly meant it. Their kindness showed, and it felt like love radiating through them. They were an awesome example of loving others and always letting them know.

But trust… trusting people… oh my. I have some work to do there. Clearly some healing is needed. And oddly, when you come to learn that you can’t trust people you thought you could, you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust in your own discernment. And then a wall of protection forms. The problem is, that wall keeps the good out too.

As I hear the words, “I know that I can trust you,” I stop, I listen, and I feel. And I am saddened by the baggage I bring to new relationships, that it takes me so long and such depth of interaction to even slightly trust others. I have work and healing to do there. Maybe you do too.

Trust is weighty. Trust bares the responsibility of integrity with consistency. Trust bares the weight of care, to care more about me than about the interesting conversation you could have about me for 10 minutes with someone else.

For me, trust means being safe even when you are angry. It means loving me outside of what brand I’m representing, what amount of money I make or where I choose to place it. Trust means you assume the best about me even when you hear the worst. It means being who you said you were last year this year. And so it is hard to trust because, after all, people are people, full of hurt, pain, and trust issues of their own.

I hope one day I will trust people more, that I will go deeper quicker. I believe I will because God is a healing God. And lately He has introduced me to more people who deserve to be trusted. And wow, that is a gift. It has shown me that I need to heal, and people are worth pulling my wall down for.

But the truth is, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even the saints of us sin and fall because we bare human flesh. Others will let us down… those very close to us. And we will let ourselves down. As much as we want them to be trustworthy, we too will fail. It is hard for each of us is human after all.

Yet, we can fully and wholly trust God. He always has our best in mind. He always gives. And He never changes. His love towards us never changes. When we trust Him, we will never regret it.

God always overdelivers. He always gives us more love, more abundance, forgiveness and goodness than we deserve when we put our trust in Him. No one can ever talk Him out of loving us or even liking us.

We can trust Him – fully and wholly trust Him. He will always love us. He will never leave us. He always helps us, no matter what the topic or issue, large or small. We can trust Him because He knows all, His ways are best, and He always has our best at heart.

Prayer

I come to you, Lord, trusting you with all that I am and all that I have. Sometimes it feels like very little if only a hot mess. And I need your help… to have courage to put my heart back out there without a wall around it, to trust you for wisdom and discernment and protection and healing as I do, as I seek to go deeper with others.

I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… And that you will help me. In Jesus’s name, amen.

The Path Leading to Nowhere

Are you looking for God? Or are you looking for yourself?

If you are looking for yourself, apart from God, get ready for a painful and confusing ride. Let’s face it: Apart from Him, we have no idea who we are, and the exercise of “finding ourselves” is nothing more than a wild goose chase.

So many factors influence our thoughts and feelings daily from lack of sleep and fluctuating hormones, to more deeply-woven issues such as unforgiveness or pure selfishness, to fear influenced by powerful, external voices or the incessant drip of media.

For example:

Observing a beautiful person wearing a high-end outfit can be enough to change our whole course of existence, moving us to a wealth-motivated mentality, when viewed through a lens of jealousy.
Receiving a compliment from a person of clout could be enough to move us into an accomplishment, achiever mentality, where we begin putting tasks before people, when ego lies beneath the surface.
A raging desire to be known can convince us we are more talented or deserving than others, justifying us to push anyone out of our way, at any cost, to gain access to the lime light.
Unaddressed pain can move us into paranoia, chipping away at our view of those we can trust, altering how we relate to others and respond to situations, even how we view God.

If you are looking for yourself, you have joined me in a painful, embarrassing ride. Elevating self is a part of our sinful nature, yet it is a hollow journey that can lead to confusion, depression, and broken relationships. And my, how I continue to find myself in this position, even at my age. (Yeesh!)

Perhaps you are like me, and you have learned you cannot do this: You cannot “find yourself” apart from your creator. Apart from Him, I have no idea who I am or what I am supposed to do. I am like a reed blowing in the wind. Yet, when anchored in Christ, reading the Bible (God’s letter to us), we will no longer be confused by our own fickle, selfish nature, but we will know what is true, what is right, and how to accomplish every good work. [Check out 2 Timothy 3:16-17.]

If you are exhausted and found yourself caught in the midst of confusion (once again), quit trying to find yourself, and find God. What is He up to? Where is He leading you? How is He beckoning you into His work of redemption? Going where He goes and becoming a part of His movement is the place where we will find fulfillment, contentment, peace, and joy.

After all, we have been made in the likeness, in the image, of God, as His children. When we find Him, we find ourselves… we find our home, we find our calling, we find our peace.

Prayer

Dear Lord, I have done it again. I made it all about me. In my selfishness, insecurity, or ego, I made it all about me again. I went on a journey to find myself. Yet, I acknowledge I am nothing apart from you. Please help me follow you. Please help me know where to go and when. Help me to follow you in your work. Help me do my part – the part you created me to do. And please forgive me for trying to figure it out on my own. My ego is a problem, and I ask you to forgive me, correct me and put me back on course. Thank you for loving me through this journey and always. I love you, Lord, and I repent. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Forever Present

You were called by God to do the things God called you to do. You don’t always get to call it. And sometimes that is hard. And sometimes that is lonely. But I have found that Jesus is always there – wherever you are, even when you feel withdrawn and like you are nowhere at all. He is there.

And that is the thread… Jesus is the thread that weaves throughout our experiences, seasons and moments, that feel so painful, and joyful, and fragmented and robust. He is always there.

Whether you were called to be in your family, or you were called to a certain vocation, called to be the strong and silent, the loud and pioneering, or you were called to turn pain into compassion… the calling can feel lonely at times. But Jesus is always. Jesus is everywhere. Jesus is. He is with you, wherever you find yourself, plant yourself or end up by accident.

Look for Him. He is always there – wherever you are right now… in your lowest moment, your highest moment, in the darkness or in the light. Look for Him. He is omnipresent: present everywhere.

I feel a little low this week, but that is okay, because I know He is here. And His presence turns the low to high and the dark to light. Just knowing He is there makes anywhere okay.

Finding Our Way Home

The Lord is always calling us back, reminding us of His great love for us. He is a just God, and He is a good God. He knows there must be atonement for sin, that our sin debt must be paid. Yet, He cannot handle, He cannot fathom, living apart from us. He grieves deeply when we walk away from Him, even when we wander. As our Creator, He knows we are created, even wired, to be in relationship with Him.

We as parents become desperate when our young child wanders away. They are looking for freedom, yet we know what lurks around the corner, and so we desperately desire to help them, to protect them, because we love them.

God feels this way about us: He loves us, wants to help us and protect us, because He sees the pitfalls and the pain that lies around the corner. He sees if our ways are leading to death, and He so desperately wants to intervene to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.

Yet, in His love for us, He has given us free will. He does not want to control us. He wants to love us and be in relationship with us. Yet, we have a choice: To walk hand-in-hand with Him or to set off on our own.

So, He calls out to us again and again. He speaks to us in a still, small voice, guiding us. He speaks to us through nature – His creation, through music, through others. He speaks to us so clearly and directly in His Word, the Bible. He ever desires to be in relationship with us, now and forever.

I’m reading the Bible, in the book of Hosea, about God’s people, the people of Israel, walking away from Him. After guiding, leading, protecting, providing for and loving them, they have walked away from God and chosen their own projects over Him – lifeless, silver idols. You see a desperate Father who sees His children are headed for death – the just consequences of their choices, but He cannot bare it, though they have turned their backs on a relationship with Him. Yet, He does not give up on them, and He never gives up on us.

Eternal death was their consequence for sin, and so this loving Father determines to conquer even death for them. He says, “I want to free them from the power of the grave. I want to reclaim them from death” (Hosea 13:14).

Instead of death, what they deserved – what we deserve for our sins, He says, “I will cure them of their unfaithfulness. I will love them freely… I will no longer be angry with them. I will be like the dew to the people of Israel. They will blossom like flowers” (Hosea 14:5).

As a just God, He knows their sin must be rectified, yet His loves leads over anger, and He brings a cure: The cure is love. And so, He sends love into the world to rectify wrong. Love conquers. Mercy triumphs over judgement.

God sent Jesus to conquer death, to take on the consequences of our sins in our place, so we could be made right with God and spend eternity with Him. And Jesus, God in the flesh, the light of the world, the very person called “Love,” in His love, laid down His life by death on a cross to restore our brokenness, to make us right with God.

This is love.

This is God.

This is Easter.

Love has a name. His name is JESUS.

Jesus is calling you. Your Father wants to spend eternity with you. He changed it all, conquered it all, with you in mind. In His love, Jesus, the one who IS Love, died for you, rose for you and lives for you today. Will you live for Him, with Him, for eternity? Not one thing separates you from this opportunity.

If you want to receive this gift, the removal of your sins and eternity with God in heaven, as well as His love, protection and guidance in this world, whisper (or shout) this prayer…

God, I admit I have sinned. I need you. I surrender my life to you. I can’t do this on my own. I cannot live this life as you desire. I pray that you would help me. Jesus, I acknowledge that you are Lord, that you are way – the only way to the Father. I receive you as the Savior of my life. Save me. I invite you into my heart and into my life. Please forgive me for my sins. Heal me. Please help me. I want to walk with you, God. Please show me how. Please heal me and guide me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.