The Lost Coin

I was utterly lost and confused. I had come out of the gate running, full of faith, full of the Word, full of innovation, energy, and passion. Yet, the road had been fast, intense, and bumpy, and I had lost myself along the way. I had lost my path, my energy, my enthusiasm, my joy. I had lost myself.

I was in a season of lament, asking, “Where did I take the wrong direction? I thought it was you, God. How could something that seemed so good turn out to be so bad?” And here I found myself utterly lost and confused, a walking shell, comprised of endless obligations without margin or peace.

Though I felt numb most days, a smile was painted on my face as a mask. Inside of this large persona, I felt tiny, even miniscule. I felt like I was trapped in the belly of the whale. I felt lifeless, used, misunderstood, and treated poorly. I felt lost. And all the noise in my life, mainly fear, seemed to be drowning out the voice of God – or at least my ability to hear Him. Instead, my mind was racing, filled with unhealthy, recycled thoughts. I needed a way out of this place, but then again, this place I had found myself in was unfamiliar. Unacquainted with where I was, it was hard to know what direction to go to get out.

One day, I brought our children to our favorite park, one where we had experienced carefree days before. The sun was out, and the surrounding trees provided shade and a delightful breeze. It was gorgeous. It was peaceful. Peace was a rare commodity those days. It felt familiar, yet from earlier days. It was here that I heard from God. He broke through my pride, my fear, and my frozenness. He spoke words of life.

I felt the Lord say to me, “What do you do when you lose something?… You retrace your steps. You go back to where you left it, and you reclaim it. Then you call your friends to celebrate.”

This was LIFE giving! I knew it was the Lord speaking within me, guiding me to the beginning of a journey towards healing, by taking me back to the place I had lost myself. Though I had known I was missing something, I hadn’t been able to put my finger on what I was missing and didn’t know if I would ever find it until this point. (I think of a verse from a John Mayer song that says, “Something’s missing, And I don’t know how to fix it… And I don’t know what it is.” I had been in this place for awhile.)

The Lord knew what was wrong, what eluded me, what was missing. He always knows. And, in His loving kindness, He pointed me to Luke 15:8-10 that day and showed me I was the lost coin.

“…Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

I had lost myself along the way – lost myself to pride and fear of man. God wanted to bring me back to the beginning to remind me who I am, who He created me to be. He wanted me to surrender, to lay down my brokenness, and to repent for trying to go it on my own, so I could walk on the path He has paved for me – not the path paved by man, or success or myself, but the path He had carved out for me. After all, it is only when we are walking on the path He has laid for us that we will truly be who we were created to be and find fulfillment. His plans for us are far better than our creative brains could imagine.

Does this resonate with you? Have you lost yourself? If you have, I suggest you start looking. Look to God to show you the way. Ask Him what you lost. Ask Him to help you retrace your steps to find out what you left behind, where you took the wrong fork in the road, and to help you reclaim it.

When you lay down your garbled, twisted road map, surrendering to Him, it is amazing to see how He provides clarity, revelation, and a way out! He sweeps us up in His arms, bandages us, heals us, and sets us back on the right path, the one He had established for us.

I pray that, as you journey towards healing, the Lord shows you where you lost yourself and reclaims you for His purposes to come to pass in your life!