“I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you…” These are the first three lines of a worship song I was listening to yesterday by United Pursuit, a band I love. I just had the Pandora station on rotation, but hearing these lines stopped me in my tracks.
I’m not used to saying these words. I mean, how many people can you really say that to? Some people have a hard time saying, “I love you.” I don’t. I have always loved people. I love being around them. I gain energy from them. And I love encouraging them.
I grew up in a church with pastors who, when you ran into them at the mall, even after a long time, would always tell you they love you. And they truly meant it. Their kindness showed, and it felt like love radiating through them. They were an awesome example of loving others and always letting them know.
But trust… trusting people… oh my. I have some work to do there. Clearly some healing is needed. And oddly, when you come to learn that you can’t trust people you thought you could, you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust in your own discernment. And then a wall of protection forms. The problem is, that wall keeps the good out too.
As I hear the words, “I know that I can trust you,” I stop, I listen, and I feel. And I am saddened by the baggage I bring to new relationships, that it takes me so long and such depth of interaction to even slightly trust others. I have work and healing to do there. Maybe you do too.
Trust is weighty. Trust bares the responsibility of integrity with consistency. Trust bares the weight of care, to care more about me than about the interesting conversation you could have about me for 10 minutes with someone else.
For me, trust means being safe even when you are angry. It means loving me outside of what brand I’m representing, what amount of money I make or where I choose to place it. Trust means you assume the best about me even when you hear the worst. It means being who you said you were last year this year. And so it is hard to trust because, after all, people are people, full of hurt, pain, and trust issues of their own.
I hope one day I will trust people more, that I will go deeper quicker. I believe I will because God is a healing God. And lately He has introduced me to more people who deserve to be trusted. And wow, that is a gift. It has shown me that I need to heal, and people are worth pulling my wall down for.
But the truth is, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even the saints of us sin and fall because we bare human flesh. Others will let us down… those very close to us. And we will let ourselves down. As much as we want them to be trustworthy, we too will fail. It is hard for each of us is human after all.
Yet, we can fully and wholly trust God. He always has our best in mind. He always gives. And He never changes. His love towards us never changes. When we trust Him, we will never regret it.
God always overdelivers. He always gives us more love, more abundance, forgiveness and goodness than we deserve when we put our trust in Him. No one can ever talk Him out of loving us or even liking us.
We can trust Him – fully and wholly trust Him. He will always love us. He will never leave us. He always helps us, no matter what the topic or issue, large or small. We can trust Him because He knows all, His ways are best, and He always has our best at heart.
Prayer
I come to you, Lord, trusting you with all that I am and all that I have. Sometimes it feels like very little if only a hot mess. And I need your help… to have courage to put my heart back out there without a wall around it, to trust you for wisdom and discernment and protection and healing as I do, as I seek to go deeper with others.
I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… And that you will help me. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Sarah Guldalian 