Tag Archives: healing

The Weight of Trust

“I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you…” These are the first three lines of a worship song I was listening to yesterday by United Pursuit, a band I love. I just had the Pandora station on rotation, but hearing these lines stopped me in my tracks.

I’m not used to saying these words. I mean, how many people can you really say that to? Some people have a hard time saying, “I love you.” I don’t. I have always loved people. I love being around them. I gain energy from them. And I love encouraging them.

I grew up in a church with pastors who, when you ran into them at the mall, even after a long time, would always tell you they love you. And they truly meant it. Their kindness showed, and it felt like love radiating through them. They were an awesome example of loving others and always letting them know.

But trust… trusting people… oh my. I have some work to do there. Clearly some healing is needed. And oddly, when you come to learn that you can’t trust people you thought you could, you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust in your own discernment. And then a wall of protection forms. The problem is, that wall keeps the good out too.

As I hear the words, “I know that I can trust you,” I stop, I listen, and I feel. And I am saddened by the baggage I bring to new relationships, that it takes me so long and such depth of interaction to even slightly trust others. I have work and healing to do there. Maybe you do too.

Trust is weighty. Trust bares the responsibility of integrity with consistency. Trust bares the weight of care, to care more about me than about the interesting conversation you could have about me for 10 minutes with someone else.

For me, trust means being safe even when you are angry. It means loving me outside of what brand I’m representing, what amount of money I make or where I choose to place it. Trust means you assume the best about me even when you hear the worst. It means being who you said you were last year this year. And so it is hard to trust because, after all, people are people, full of hurt, pain, and trust issues of their own.

I hope one day I will trust people more, that I will go deeper quicker. I believe I will because God is a healing God. And lately He has introduced me to more people who deserve to be trusted. And wow, that is a gift. It has shown me that I need to heal, and people are worth pulling my wall down for.

But the truth is, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even the saints of us sin and fall because we bare human flesh. Others will let us down… those very close to us. And we will let ourselves down. As much as we want them to be trustworthy, we too will fail. It is hard for each of us is human after all.

Yet, we can fully and wholly trust God. He always has our best in mind. He always gives. And He never changes. His love towards us never changes. When we trust Him, we will never regret it.

God always overdelivers. He always gives us more love, more abundance, forgiveness and goodness than we deserve when we put our trust in Him. No one can ever talk Him out of loving us or even liking us.

We can trust Him – fully and wholly trust Him. He will always love us. He will never leave us. He always helps us, no matter what the topic or issue, large or small. We can trust Him because He knows all, His ways are best, and He always has our best at heart.

Prayer

I come to you, Lord, trusting you with all that I am and all that I have. Sometimes it feels like very little if only a hot mess. And I need your help… to have courage to put my heart back out there without a wall around it, to trust you for wisdom and discernment and protection and healing as I do, as I seek to go deeper with others.

I know that I can trust you… I know that I can trust you… And that you will help me. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Finding Our Way Home

The Lord is always calling us back, reminding us of His great love for us. He is a just God, and He is a good God. He knows there must be atonement for sin, that our sin debt must be paid. Yet, He cannot handle, He cannot fathom, living apart from us. He grieves deeply when we walk away from Him, even when we wander. As our Creator, He knows we are created, even wired, to be in relationship with Him.

We as parents become desperate when our young child wanders away. They are looking for freedom, yet we know what lurks around the corner, and so we desperately desire to help them, to protect them, because we love them.

God feels this way about us: He loves us, wants to help us and protect us, because He sees the pitfalls and the pain that lies around the corner. He sees if our ways are leading to death, and He so desperately wants to intervene to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.

Yet, in His love for us, He has given us free will. He does not want to control us. He wants to love us and be in relationship with us. Yet, we have a choice: To walk hand-in-hand with Him or to set off on our own.

So, He calls out to us again and again. He speaks to us in a still, small voice, guiding us. He speaks to us through nature – His creation, through music, through others. He speaks to us so clearly and directly in His Word, the Bible. He ever desires to be in relationship with us, now and forever.

I’m reading the Bible, in the book of Hosea, about God’s people, the people of Israel, walking away from Him. After guiding, leading, protecting, providing for and loving them, they have walked away from God and chosen their own projects over Him – lifeless, silver idols. You see a desperate Father who sees His children are headed for death – the just consequences of their choices, but He cannot bare it, though they have turned their backs on a relationship with Him. Yet, He does not give up on them, and He never gives up on us.

Eternal death was their consequence for sin, and so this loving Father determines to conquer even death for them. He says, “I want to free them from the power of the grave. I want to reclaim them from death” (Hosea 13:14).

Instead of death, what they deserved – what we deserve for our sins, He says, “I will cure them of their unfaithfulness. I will love them freely… I will no longer be angry with them. I will be like the dew to the people of Israel. They will blossom like flowers” (Hosea 14:5).

As a just God, He knows their sin must be rectified, yet His loves leads over anger, and He brings a cure: The cure is love. And so, He sends love into the world to rectify wrong. Love conquers. Mercy triumphs over judgement.

God sent Jesus to conquer death, to take on the consequences of our sins in our place, so we could be made right with God and spend eternity with Him. And Jesus, God in the flesh, the light of the world, the very person called “Love,” in His love, laid down His life by death on a cross to restore our brokenness, to make us right with God.

This is love.

This is God.

This is Easter.

Love has a name. His name is JESUS.

Jesus is calling you. Your Father wants to spend eternity with you. He changed it all, conquered it all, with you in mind. In His love, Jesus, the one who IS Love, died for you, rose for you and lives for you today. Will you live for Him, with Him, for eternity? Not one thing separates you from this opportunity.

If you want to receive this gift, the removal of your sins and eternity with God in heaven, as well as His love, protection and guidance in this world, whisper (or shout) this prayer…

God, I admit I have sinned. I need you. I surrender my life to you. I can’t do this on my own. I cannot live this life as you desire. I pray that you would help me. Jesus, I acknowledge that you are Lord, that you are way – the only way to the Father. I receive you as the Savior of my life. Save me. I invite you into my heart and into my life. Please forgive me for my sins. Heal me. Please help me. I want to walk with you, God. Please show me how. Please heal me and guide me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Love more. Cancel less.

I have experienced a strange phenomenon in which good people – those who have sacrificed their time, talents and resources for the good of others – are villainized rather than appreciated, suddenly put at an arm’s length with no explanation. They are simply canceled, all good erased, as if they no longer exist.

To be on the receiving end of this behavior is incredibly confusing, painful and heartbreaking. Many of us have been on the receiving end, and it hurts. Likewise, most of us have been the perpetrator at some point, canceling a friend or family member with no warning, conversation or explanation. They are suddenly dropped.

Perhaps we have convinced ourselves no one is this nice, believing they must be “up to something”; strings must be attached. Perhaps their kindness or their talents threaten us. We assume they must be exerting their power over us or are out for something more that we have yet to see. Perhaps they don’t do things exactly as we do, have a friend we wouldn’t, or believe slightly differently on a topic; and one day we turn our nose up, deeming them to be a “them,” not an “us”.

I look back wondering if I have done this to well-meaning, good-hearted people. I am ashamed to find I have done so at times in my haste to weed out the bad or to be sure I am not taken for. Insecurity, inferiority, or paranoia can manifest itself as self-protection and lead us to draw quick, irrational conclusions that hurt others. This is sad, and it is wrong. We wound each other so deeply when we do this.

We need one another, and we need to honor one another. We need to take time to see others for who they truly are. I pray, even in this evil world, that we can still believe in and recognize the good in people, that we can still accept love without questioning motives, that we can see the good in people rather than quickly jumping to judgement.

Currently, so many things stop us:

Doubt. We doubt that anyone can be good.
Complacency. We have allowed our hearts to be dulled amid our conspiracies, and it keeps us from caring.
Fear. We fear being taken advantage of and missing a red flag. Haughtiness. We believe our time and feelings are superior to others.

I pray this phenomenon among us stops. Through the Lord’s help, we can use discernment without cutting everyone out and alienating others.

The Bible helps us weigh the truth about people so our perspectives can be more balanced. It tells us this: “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43-45).

We do not need to be skeptical of everyone and everything, especially those who have continued to share love and bare fruit in our lives. I personally want to repent for my skepticism, for allowing my baggage to hurt good people, for not taking the time to rightly judge a situation, for quickly putting on my lens of judgement instead of love.

If you too want to change, if you want your filter to be cleansed, join me in asking the Lord to help us. I want to see others through a correct lens, through God’s eyes, His perspective. We need His help to reveal the truth of others’ motives; to preserve and protect relationships, to guard meaningful relationships rather than cancelling for fear of the bad.

Let’s stop cancelling each other and putting one another at an arm’s length, especially those whom we love and those who love us, “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7), nor has He given us a spirit of haughtiness. Haughtiness and complacency come from our sinful nature.

My Prayer

Lord, would you cause your love to grow in us and abound towards others? Would you cause us to trust you more than we fear potential outcomes? Would you cause us to see others as you do? Would you remove the calluses and give us a clean heart? Help us think upon whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is admirable. Please help us put aside any haughtiness or insecurity that isolates others and isolates us. Help us to be more like you, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Controlling Anxiety

Anxiety. I have struggled with it along the way. Maybe you have too. Numerous friends and acquaintances are struggling with it these days as pressures and responsibilities mount with limited resources available to assist their families or boost their businesses. Many are feeling paralyzed by their fear of the unknown.

If you are someone who is experiencing fear or anxiety, I want to share some of the things I have learned over the years to hopefully help you realize 1) you are not alone, 2) you are not weird, 3) anxiety is not your demise, nor is it your friend. But your life does not stop because of anxiety. You can push through it and move forward!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Anxiety seems to hit you out of nowhere — when you finally have a moment to relax, ironically, or think you are totally fine. It feels like a shot of adrenaline has flooded your system, your heart nearly beating out of your chest, yet you feel weak. It can be very confusing and very scary. Though it feels like it’s come out of nowhere, I assure you it is coming from somewhere deep within.

During the day, on the go or in the hot seat before others, we often do what it takes to push through, portraying strength or stability. Yet, we often have emotions within the shuffle that we have stuffed down and ignored, taking no time to address.

As our bodies or minds begin to slow down, these emotions often surface, sending us into a tailspin. Perhaps you lay down only to find you are scared, shaky, your chest is tight or it’s hard to breath. In those moments, I have found it helpful to sit up and focus on two things on repeat:

1) Focus on Jesus. Imagining His eyes, we have a focal point for peace. Remembering He takes our yolk upon Him, we remember we aren’t alone.

2) Sitting up, focus on deep, cleansing breaths. It is not enough to tell yourself to “just breath” as you will freak yourself out more under pressure. Focus your mind, gently reminding yourself, “In through the nose (deep, cleansing, slow breaths), out through the mouth.”

3) Then think upon Jesus again. Ask Him to captivate your nervous system, to get your body in alignment with His word, and for the Holy Spirit to comfort you.

4) Focus on your breathing again… “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

Later, perhaps another day that week, when you are calm, alone and able to sit down and reflect, pinpoint the things or people that trigger you to be anxious, angry, or to feel frustrated or invisible. Write out the factors that have a habit of riling you up, then come up with a plan to rewrite the script.

Come up with a plan to get power back in your life:
[After all, it’s your life!]

  • Flip off that station: Quit watching the news or reality TV.
  • Say no to the “friends” or family members who berate you.
  • Walk away from people who step over your boundaries.
  • Remove yourself from the situations that choke you.
  • Practice saying, “no,” and mean it.

Anxiety comes from feeling powerless. Yet, you are actually a giant with every super power when you have God living inside of you, His hand of protection over you and His angels surrounding you. Get your power back by surrendering your situation and relationships to God.

  • Ask God for His help to identify the problems making you feel oppressed.
  • Ask Him for wisdom and guidance on how to move away from those situations.
  • Ask Him for the grace and favor to do it.

Subtract chaos from your life. Infuse fun into your life! Add in joy-filled, faith-filled components:

  • Get a hobby. Take up painting, try sewing or dust off your bike.
  • Get healthy friends around you.
  • Journal your emotions. Don’t stuff them.
  • Go for a daily walk to increase endorphins, your “happy” chemicals.
  • Treat yourself. [Just watch your caffeine and sugar intake as these can increase your anxiety if overdone.]
  • Turn on upbeat music and dance or lip sync.
  • Get in nature. The beauty of God’s creation reminds us of His power, and our bodies love the fresh air He provides.

Take time to care of yourself! No one spends more time with you than you do. Be a good friend and caretaker. You matter. And, remember: You are not alone. You are not weird. Focus on Jesus. And, when in doubt, tell a friend.