Tag Archives: anxiety disorder

I have experienced a strange phenomenon in which good people – those who have sacrificed their time, talents and resources for the good of others – are villainized rather than appreciated, suddenly put at an arm’s length with no explanation. They are simply canceled, all good erased, as if they no longer exist.

To be on the receiving end of this behavior is incredibly confusing, painful and heartbreaking. Many of us have been on the receiving end, and it hurts. Likewise, most of us have been the perpetrator at some point, canceling a friend or family member with no warning, conversation or explanation. They are suddenly dropped.

Perhaps we have convinced ourselves no one is this nice, believing they must be “up to something”; strings must be attached. Perhaps their kindness or their talents threaten us. We assume they must be exerting their power over us or are out for something more that we have yet to see. Perhaps they don’t do things exactly as we do, have a friend we wouldn’t, or believe slightly differently on a topic; and one day we turn our nose up, deeming them to be a “them,” not an “us”.

I look back wondering if I have done this to well-meaning, good-hearted people. I am ashamed to find I have done so at times in my haste to weed out the bad or to be sure I am not taken for. Insecurity, inferiority, or paranoia can manifest itself as self-protection and lead us to draw quick, irrational conclusions that hurt others. This is sad, and it is wrong. We wound each other so deeply when we do this.

We need one another, and we need to honor one another. We need to take time to see others for who they truly are. I pray, even in this evil world, that we can still believe in and recognize the good in people, that we can still accept love without questioning motives, that we can see the good in people rather than quickly jumping to judgement.

Currently, so many things stop us:

Doubt. We doubt that anyone can be good.
Complacency. We have allowed our hearts to be dulled amid our conspiracies, and it keeps us from caring.
Fear. We fear being taken advantage of and missing a red flag. Haughtiness. We believe our time and feelings are superior to others.

I pray this phenomenon among us stops. Through the Lord’s help, we can use discernment without cutting everyone out and alienating others.

The Bible helps us weigh the truth about people so our perspectives can be more balanced. It tells us this: “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43-45).

We do not need to be skeptical of everyone and everything, especially those who have continued to share love and bare fruit in our lives. I personally want to repent for my skepticism, for allowing my baggage to hurt good people, for not taking the time to rightly judge a situation, for quickly putting on my lens of judgement instead of love.

If you too want to change, if you want your filter to be cleansed, join me in asking the Lord to help us. I want to see others through a correct lens, through God’s eyes, His perspective. We need His help to reveal the truth of others’ motives; to preserve and protect relationships, to guard meaningful relationships rather than cancelling for fear of the bad.

Let’s stop cancelling each other and putting one another at an arm’s length, especially those whom we love and those who love us, “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7), nor has He given us a spirit of haughtiness. Haughtiness and complacency come from our sinful nature.

My Prayer

Lord, would you cause your love to grow in us and abound towards others? Would you cause us to trust you more than we fear potential outcomes? Would you cause us to see others as you do? Would you remove the calluses and give us a clean heart? Help us think upon whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is admirable. Please help us put aside any haughtiness or insecurity that isolates others and isolates us. Help us to be more like you, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Anxiety. I have struggled with it along the way. Maybe you have too. Numerous friends and acquaintances are struggling with it these days as pressures and responsibilities mount with limited resources available to assist their families or boost their businesses. Many are feeling paralyzed by their fear of the unknown.

If you are someone who is experiencing fear or anxiety, I want to share some of the things I have learned over the years to hopefully help you realize 1) you are not alone, 2) you are not weird, 3) anxiety is not your demise, nor is it your friend. But your life does not stop because of anxiety. You can push through it and move forward!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Anxiety seems to hit you out of nowhere — when you finally have a moment to relax, ironically, or think you are totally fine. It feels like a shot of adrenaline has flooded your system, your heart nearly beating out of your chest, yet you feel weak. It can be very confusing and very scary. Though it feels like it’s come out of nowhere, I assure you it is coming from somewhere deep within.

During the day, on the go or in the hot seat before others, we often do what it takes to push through, portraying strength or stability. Yet, we often have emotions within the shuffle that we have stuffed down and ignored, taking no time to address.

As our bodies or minds begin to slow down, these emotions often surface, sending us into a tailspin. Perhaps you lay down only to find you are scared, shaky, your chest is tight or it’s hard to breath. In those moments, I have found it helpful to sit up and focus on two things on repeat:

1) Focus on Jesus. Imagining His eyes, we have a focal point for peace. Remembering He takes our yolk upon Him, we remember we aren’t alone.

2) Sitting up, focus on deep, cleansing breaths. It is not enough to tell yourself to “just breath” as you will freak yourself out more under pressure. Focus your mind, gently reminding yourself, “In through the nose (deep, cleansing, slow breaths), out through the mouth.”

3) Then think upon Jesus again. Ask Him to captivate your nervous system, to get your body in alignment with His word, and for the Holy Spirit to comfort you.

4) Focus on your breathing again… “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

Later, perhaps another day that week, when you are calm, alone and able to sit down and reflect, pinpoint the things or people that trigger you to be anxious, angry, or to feel frustrated or invisible. Write out the factors that have a habit of riling you up, then come up with a plan to rewrite the script.

Come up with a plan to get power back in your life:
[After all, it’s your life!]

• Flip off that station: Quit watching the news or reality TV.
• Say no to the “friends” or family members who berate you.
• Walk away from people who step over your boundaries.
• Remove yourself from the situations that choke you.
• Practice saying, “no,” and mean it.

Anxiety comes from feeling powerless. Yet, you are actually a giant with every super power when you have God living inside of you, His hand of protection over you and His angels surrounding you. Get your power back by surrendering your situation and relationships to God.

• Ask God for His help to identify the problems making you feel oppressed.
• Ask Him for wisdom and guidance on how to move away from those situations.
• Ask Him for the grace and favor to do it.

Subtract chaos from your life. Infuse fun into your life! Add in joy-filled, faith-filled components:

• Get a hobby. Take up painting, try sewing or dust off your bike.
• Get healthy friends around you.
• Journal your emotions. Don’t stuff them.
• Go for a daily walk to increase endorphins, your “happy” chemicals.
• Treat yourself. [Just watch your caffeine and sugar intake as these can increase your anxiety if overdone.]
• Turn on upbeat music and dance or lip sync.
• Get in nature. The beauty of God’s creation reminds us of His power, and our bodies love the fresh air He provides.

Take time to care of yourself! No one spends more time with you than you do. Be a good friend and caretaker. You matter. And, remember: You are not alone. You are not weird. Focus on Jesus. And, when in doubt, tell a friend.