anxiety – Sarah Guldalian

You Have Issues.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, even saying, “I have issues”?

The truth is, we all have issues. There are no people who have no issues. (Yes, you read that right.) The people who seemingly have no (or less) issues have either put in the time and work to get to the other side of (some of) them; or they exert great energy to keep them from surfacing. Why would ~~they~~ we do that?

As someone who has had lots of issues over the decades, let me name some of the reasons we exert such great effort to conceal them:

To simply function.
To feel some semblance of control.
To feel accepted by society.
To avoid “bothering” others.
Because of stubbornness or pride.
Because of fear.

Now that I have named reasons we conceal our issues, let me also label the above as things that will keep us from being healed if we don’t release them.

I am sometimes on the other side of (at least the majority of) my issues, and sometimes I am smack-dab in the hot, sticky mess of issues. Sometimes I played a role in the creation of those issues, but a lot of times, they came out of nowhere from truly unexpected people and places.

When I am doing well, people ask how I got victory over those insanely crazy things. Let me first say, never did stuffing or concealing heal me. I once took pride in the fact that I didn’t cry for a decade, especially considering my experiences in that decade. But I won no trophies. Instead, my emotions came out as (lots and lots of) panic attacks and anorexia.

For each of the issues I have (to some extent) overcome, there is one common thread — I put in the time and really uncomfortable work to acknowledge and address those issues. And I never did it alone.

I have learned that healing takes time, but it’s not the kind of time people talk about, like “Time heals all wounds.” Time itself does not heal all wounds, especially if you marinated in a chaotic environment that created issues within you since childhood. Likewise, it’s not like living two years past a horrible trauma can suddenly – poof! – make you better. Clocks don’t do that.

The way time heals us is when we invest time in our healing. When we quit running around like a chicken with our heads cut off (avoidance) and set aside time to address issues, to get to the root of them, and deal with them, then time helps heal us.

There are some very precious people and actions that can aid in our time of healing. If you are looking to heal, to work on some of the issues that plague your thinking, rob you of peace, and attack your nervous system, you can!

Let me first say, I am no counselor. I am not a pastor. I am a mess. But I am a mess who is constantly being redeemed and refined by the grace of God. (And like any true mom, when I find something that works, I am telling the world!) So let me share the actions and people who have (and do) help(ed) me.

People We Need

The Holy Spirit!

There is no lasting healing without the Lord. Period. We are too tangled and locked up for any human alone to heal us. But Jesus left His precious Holy Spirit with us when He ascended as “the Comforter” to bring us comfort, wisdom, and peace that surpasses our ability to understand.
Friends – actual friends (You know what I’m talking about.)

If you have a friend who repeats what you say in confidence or judges you when you are truly yourself, that is counterproductive. This is not the friend I am talking about, no matter how long you have been friends.

Connect with a friend who you know your heart is safe with, who you truly know wants to see you walking in joy and freedom, even if they are decades older or five years younger.
A Counselor

Counselors know how nervous systems work. They know how trauma works – how it impacts our brains, our bodies, and our relationships. They have tactics to help us move past the hurdles that keep us from healing to keep moving towards healing.
Community

We can’t heal alone! We need to talk to people. We need a hug! We need understanding. We need empathy. I don’t care how independent you are, you need this. We were wired to be in fellowship with others. It’s how God made us.

Actions We Can Take

1. Be willing to go “there” with your friend – to let down the façade and show them who you really are and what you are really experiencing. We all innately desire to be known, but we will never be known unless we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

2. Be willing to look weak, to even have hand tremors, by talking about the scary things that need light shone on them. Don’t be afraid of your own fear. Keep pushing ahead!

3. Be willing to have triggers.

Drive down that particular road to get to the place you need to go to get help. Be willing to go to that restaurant that reminds you of that experience if it helps you get through it. Push through!

4. Invest the time and money to go to counseling.

If they don’t take insurance but you have the money, do it! Your peace for the rest of your life – shoot, even for today – is worth the investment! Or, if you don’t have the money (been there), ask if they have a special program or know of one, they can refer you to.

I have been investing the time in all of the above – these relationships and these actions; and I can honestly say they have helped me so much. Not all of my issues are resolved. (In fact, I just laughed out loud at that notion.) Some issues may never be until heaven. I have gained so much, though.

I have truly experienced full freedom in some of them, developed rich relationships in the process, gained coping tactics for some that stick, and I have gained a lot more courage and fight in me by acknowledging and addressing these issues. And, honestly, I feel more loved — because I have learned so much about God and myself in the process. I have also given others a chance to truly know me, and so I know their love for me is genuine. That is a real gift from it.

Yes, it takes time, emotion, energy, and maybe even money, to heal from issues, but you deserve freedom! Invest in your healing. You are worth it. You will truly feel proud of yourself for being a good friend to yourself in the process. And that alone has truly helped me hold my head up high.

Sending you love, Sarah

Shapeless

Shapeless – the word I recently used to describe my life lately: Toggling back and forth so quickly I can’t keep up… Striving to serve others yet feeling invisible in the process… Constantly learning how to support so many and all at one time… Flowing from old-hat skills to the entirely new and back again in seconds with no time to process… Not feeling stellar at anything.

The sheer number of things coming my way, expectations on me (both given and internal) and the level of responsibility pulling at me… they seem constant. With ever-changing schedules and roles, I have found myself emotionally and spiritually exhausted. My heart desires to give more than I am able, and that hurts. Perhaps you have found yourself in a similar place?

I am a proponent for schedules – tight and clear ones, roles with clarified lanes and responsibilities, and boundaries – honoring where I end and others begin. In doing so, I usually feel – at least in some measure – in control of my life. Boundaries give me leverage to manufacture margin. This allows me to put my time where my heart is. Lately, I have felt as though my margin is cloudy. And so I know there are areas where I need revelation, clarity, and healing to move into the future with effectiveness, spiritually and emotionally.

It is important we self-manage. It is important to us all. After all, we will be held responsible for where our time, resources, and gifts go. Though we may feel a victim to expectations, we will be held responsible for outcomes… And so, we must do what it takes to once again put shape to our lives, to manage and steward them well, even as we protect our relationships. I have learned this in difficult ways in times past. And I have since done the work to get there, to manage my life. It took a lot of work but resulted in fruit. I can tell I need to do the work once again.

My personality profiles reveal I am an extroverted introvert. I am individualistic, with a need to unpack, process, and dream on my own for a bit. Yet, side-by-side is a desire to belong to a tribe moving effectively together into that future, doing hard things together. And that may be most difficult of all at this time: Relationships have changed, and I often feel like I am doing hard things alone.

I have lost a relationship in my life that has meant more to me than I could describe, and it breaks my heart. I pray God redeems it. In the meantime, I often ache over it and simply don’t know what to do. Have you ever experienced that? Helplessness and loss? I often find myself confused, knowing the enemy has meddled for years causing chaos and confusion. Yet, in my own strength, I don’t know how to clarify, to purify things. Shapeless. Confusing. Heart breaking.

And, unfortunately, in the midst of it all, in this season called “The Sandwich Generation,” friends have fallen away. I know this can happen in this season, where we strive to help aging parents and children and manage our careers, yet I still find it strange and sad, especially as I care about each one. So I ache in that gap. Have you ever been here? Some of you are there right now.

But here is where I must pause… as a person who has seen the Lord do good and overcome in surprising ways in my life again and again. Here I must rebuke the enemy, that liar, the devil. He would love to convince me, to convince any of us, that we are alone. The Bible says he has made it his job to meddle in the earth, amongst us, to “kill, steal, and destroy.” The enemy clouds our thinking, blocking our view of the multitude of blessings, and creating a fixation in us on the point of pain.

Yet, I am a follower of Jesus… Jesus, the Savior, who tells us, “I came to give life—life in all its fullness” (John 10:10). And His Word is true. Everything He has said will be. Everything He offered in the Bible is available today, for He never changes. That full life, that abundant life, is right here, in our grasp, right in front of us.

Life is confusing. It can be painful. Loneliness knocks at our door. People hurt us. We hurt and sabotage ourselves. News headlines frighten us. Situations turn out differently than we expected, and we wonder why… Was it them? Or was it me? Will it change? Will I? We all do it. We all ache, and we all ponder. But we must not settle into the ache.

Jesus has an outstretched arm, extending a full and abundant life to us, even now, even in the midst of pain. And He has won. Jesus has the victory over darkness, over loneliness, over confusion, and over heartbreak. He has the victory in the world and within us, when we invite Him in.

We who put our faith in Jesus will have the victory. That victory doesn’t come when all of the broken situations are perfectly fixed. Some situations, even relationships, may just float away, as hard as that is. We may never get the apology or reconciliation we long for. Yet, we can still heal, and still overcome, by leaning into Jesus in these moments of trial – in all moments. “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). We can overcome it all… the exhaustion and weariness, for we are of God, and He is greater than it all.

If you too have been aching in this season, please remember this – it may be most important of all: You are not alone. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He has been there for me through thick and thin, pulling me out of despair, replacing ashes with beauty, and depression with joy. And He will do it again. He is doing it now.

What can we do during difficult seasons?

Talk to Jesus.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8).

Literally, where you are, just start talking to Jesus. He is real. He is there. He cares about the smallest thing and the biggest thing, and He will respond by bringing peace and clarity in your spirit.
Catch and release.

“We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

If a thought enters that is painful, condemning, depressing or hopeless, catch it and throw it out. We may not have control of every thought that pops into our heads, but we can control how long they stay there.
Find a friend.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Meet a friend for lunch, or coffee, or on Zoom. Talk about what you are going through and hear what they are experiencing. Share friendship.

If you have recently lost friends, find a new friend and invest in that person. We all need friends. Many of us feel lonely. Put yourself out there. It will bless you and them.
Find a counselor.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail” (James 5:16).

Find a counselor, someone who understands the importance of spiritual healing (from the Holy Spirit of God). Tell them everything. We all need a safe place to fully unload and fully process our burdens. Just getting it all out can be incredibly freeing. The enemy feeds on us in isolation, when we are alone and seemingly in the dark. But the Holy Spirit brings in fresh air and healing when we reveal what was in the dark in the light.
Receive prayer.

“Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord” (James 5:14).

Find a church. Ask for prayer. If you are experiencing a spirit of rejection, oppression, physical or emotional pain, ask them to lay hands on you and pray for you to be released of that. You deserve to walk in freedom, whether that is emotional or physical healing. Jesus died for you to be free.
Read the Bible.

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Admission: It can be hard for me to read an entire book of the Bible. That’s me. But I NEED THE WORD. I need truth! I need to know what God says to combat the lies of the enemy. I need to have the power and weapon of His truth ready to fight off the enemy. So I open my Bible app in the morning and read a few verses at a time. It is life-giving.
Go for a walk. Get sleep. Drink water.

We have physiological needs that must be fulfilled to feel our best. We are meant to move and to sleep. Exercising is something that helps me, yet I do not do it enough. With the cool, crisp air of fall, I am going to make it a point to go out and enjoy myself this fall.
Do something nice for yourself.

Buy the pumpkin latte. Go for a walk through the mall. Visit the restaurant you’ve been meaning to try. Take a hike in that beautiful park. Get your nails done. Go for a bike ride. Get a fresh notebook. Take your spouse somewhere special.

We matter. God’s love for us abounds. He has good for us. The situations we are in will change. There is always hope for change. He is working behind the scenes on our behalf. His Word tells us again and again.

If you have been struggling like I have, join me in praying this out loud…

Prayer

God, I need you. I cannot do any of this on my own. I confess I have sins I hide and pain I protect. I pray that you would remove these burdens from me in Jesus’ name. They are too heavy for me, I confess, and I need your help.

Jesus, I need you. I need saving. I cannot figure my way out of this on my own. I am in over my head. Thank you for dying in my place, to pay the price for my sin and to give me fullness and freedom of life. Please save me and give me hope. I receive your hope, I receive your wholeness, in Jesus’ name.

I pray that you would direct my path. I don’t know what I am doing. Show me where to go and when, what to say “no” to and how, what relationships to invest in, and where I need to forgive. Please help me forgive others and myself.

I give it all to you. Please have your way in my life, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Love more. Cancel less.

I have experienced a strange phenomenon in which good people – those who have sacrificed their time, talents and resources for the good of others – are villainized rather than appreciated, suddenly put at an arm’s length with no explanation. They are simply canceled, all good erased, as if they no longer exist.

To be on the receiving end of this behavior is incredibly confusing, painful and heartbreaking. Many of us have been on the receiving end, and it hurts. Likewise, most of us have been the perpetrator at some point, canceling a friend or family member with no warning, conversation or explanation. They are suddenly dropped.

Perhaps we have convinced ourselves no one is this nice, believing they must be “up to something”; strings must be attached. Perhaps their kindness or their talents threaten us. We assume they must be exerting their power over us or are out for something more that we have yet to see. Perhaps they don’t do things exactly as we do, have a friend we wouldn’t, or believe slightly differently on a topic; and one day we turn our nose up, deeming them to be a “them,” not an “us”.

I look back wondering if I have done this to well-meaning, good-hearted people. I am ashamed to find I have done so at times in my haste to weed out the bad or to be sure I am not taken for. Insecurity, inferiority, or paranoia can manifest itself as self-protection and lead us to draw quick, irrational conclusions that hurt others. This is sad, and it is wrong. We wound each other so deeply when we do this.

We need one another, and we need to honor one another. We need to take time to see others for who they truly are. I pray, even in this evil world, that we can still believe in and recognize the good in people, that we can still accept love without questioning motives, that we can see the good in people rather than quickly jumping to judgement.

Currently, so many things stop us:

Doubt. We doubt that anyone can be good.
Complacency. We have allowed our hearts to be dulled amid our conspiracies, and it keeps us from caring.
Fear. We fear being taken advantage of and missing a red flag. Haughtiness. We believe our time and feelings are superior to others.

I pray this phenomenon among us stops. Through the Lord’s help, we can use discernment without cutting everyone out and alienating others.

The Bible helps us weigh the truth about people so our perspectives can be more balanced. It tells us this: “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43-45).

We do not need to be skeptical of everyone and everything, especially those who have continued to share love and bare fruit in our lives. I personally want to repent for my skepticism, for allowing my baggage to hurt good people, for not taking the time to rightly judge a situation, for quickly putting on my lens of judgement instead of love.

If you too want to change, if you want your filter to be cleansed, join me in asking the Lord to help us. I want to see others through a correct lens, through God’s eyes, His perspective. We need His help to reveal the truth of others’ motives; to preserve and protect relationships, to guard meaningful relationships rather than cancelling for fear of the bad.

Let’s stop cancelling each other and putting one another at an arm’s length, especially those whom we love and those who love us, “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7), nor has He given us a spirit of haughtiness. Haughtiness and complacency come from our sinful nature.

My Prayer

Lord, would you cause your love to grow in us and abound towards others? Would you cause us to trust you more than we fear potential outcomes? Would you cause us to see others as you do? Would you remove the calluses and give us a clean heart? Help us think upon whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is admirable. Please help us put aside any haughtiness or insecurity that isolates others and isolates us. Help us to be more like you, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Controlling Anxiety

Anxiety. I have struggled with it along the way. Maybe you have too. Numerous friends and acquaintances are struggling with it these days as pressures and responsibilities mount with limited resources available to assist their families or boost their businesses. Many are feeling paralyzed by their fear of the unknown.

If you are someone who is experiencing fear or anxiety, I want to share some of the things I have learned over the years to hopefully help you realize 1) you are not alone, 2) you are not weird, 3) anxiety is not your demise, nor is it your friend. But your life does not stop because of anxiety. You can push through it and move forward!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Anxiety seems to hit you out of nowhere — when you finally have a moment to relax, ironically, or think you are totally fine. It feels like a shot of adrenaline has flooded your system, your heart nearly beating out of your chest, yet you feel weak. It can be very confusing and very scary. Though it feels like it’s come out of nowhere, I assure you it is coming from somewhere deep within.

During the day, on the go or in the hot seat before others, we often do what it takes to push through, portraying strength or stability. Yet, we often have emotions within the shuffle that we have stuffed down and ignored, taking no time to address.

As our bodies or minds begin to slow down, these emotions often surface, sending us into a tailspin. Perhaps you lay down only to find you are scared, shaky, your chest is tight or it’s hard to breath. In those moments, I have found it helpful to sit up and focus on two things on repeat:

1) Focus on Jesus. Imagining His eyes, we have a focal point for peace. Remembering He takes our yolk upon Him, we remember we aren’t alone.

2) Sitting up, focus on deep, cleansing breaths. It is not enough to tell yourself to “just breath” as you will freak yourself out more under pressure. Focus your mind, gently reminding yourself, “In through the nose (deep, cleansing, slow breaths), out through the mouth.”

3) Then think upon Jesus again. Ask Him to captivate your nervous system, to get your body in alignment with His word, and for the Holy Spirit to comfort you.

4) Focus on your breathing again… “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

Later, perhaps another day that week, when you are calm, alone and able to sit down and reflect, pinpoint the things or people that trigger you to be anxious, angry, or to feel frustrated or invisible. Write out the factors that have a habit of riling you up, then come up with a plan to rewrite the script.

Come up with a plan to get power back in your life:
[After all, it’s your life!]

Flip off that station: Quit watching the news or reality TV.
Say no to the “friends” or family members who berate you.
Walk away from people who step over your boundaries.
Remove yourself from the situations that choke you.
Practice saying, “no,” and mean it.

Anxiety comes from feeling powerless. Yet, you are actually a giant with every super power when you have God living inside of you, His hand of protection over you and His angels surrounding you. Get your power back by surrendering your situation and relationships to God.

Ask God for His help to identify the problems making you feel oppressed.
Ask Him for wisdom and guidance on how to move away from those situations.
Ask Him for the grace and favor to do it.

Subtract chaos from your life. Infuse fun into your life! Add in joy-filled, faith-filled components:

Get a hobby. Take up painting, try sewing or dust off your bike.
Get healthy friends around you.
Journal your emotions. Don’t stuff them.
Go for a daily walk to increase endorphins, your “happy” chemicals.
Treat yourself. [Just watch your caffeine and sugar intake as these can increase your anxiety if overdone.]
Turn on upbeat music and dance or lip sync.
Get in nature. The beauty of God’s creation reminds us of His power, and our bodies love the fresh air He provides.

Take time to care of yourself! No one spends more time with you than you do. Be a good friend and caretaker. You matter. And, remember: You are not alone. You are not weird. Focus on Jesus. And, when in doubt, tell a friend.