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During this forced pause, wounds are being noticed. Without our usual distractions, pain is bubbling to the surface. With nowhere to run, we have to face our wounds. And, I believe God wants us to.

I believe God wants to reveal our deep-seated, internal wounds so He can heal us. He is beckoning us to go on a journey with Him, a journey of healing, one we can no longer avoid.

I am on a journey. Prompted by unexpected emotion, I have been thinking about time lately… how time and space do not confine God like they confine us. Here on earth, there are limits on what can be – on who and what fits into our sequential timeline, into periods and generations, based on time’s limitations.

Yet, in heaven, time does not control anything. God controls everything. All we have lost… the saints we have lost, continue living on, regardless of their duration or particular years on earth. Everything is as He created it, destined it, to be.

Deep within, I have felt a bubbling lately – a sense of maternal clinginess, even anger and loss… deep loss, deeper than the situation at hand. I feel a righteous anger, swelling up within me, to pray and to fight for children whose health has been messed with. I feel deep compassion for parents, who struggle, seeking wisdom and praying continually for answers. The intensity of this feeling is something I cannot shake. I sense God prompting me to pray and to intercede for others; yet, I sense He is also pointing to a deep wound within me.

The other day, experiencing such deep emotion, I asked God to show me what wound I conceal. He did. It is a very deep wound I conceal, and keep close to my heart, going back to Fall of 2011. The Lord showed me that, deep below the surface, I grieve a baby who would have just turned eight.

When this loss happened, I didn’t know how to grieve. I denied it was happening. I was desperately doing all I could think of to save this pregnancy, to fight for our child, after receiving a bad report: I called on every doctor who might help, every prayer warrior or evangelist who would pray, sought alternate opinions, took medication, did the tests, mustered every ounce of faith I could, asked others to intercede… I gave it all.

I remember seeing concern in others’ eyes. They wondered if I was okay. They wondered if I was grasping the finality of the situation… Perhaps I wasn’t; or, perhaps I was desperate. I kept fighting. I did every possible thing I could until all weapons failed, and… we just lost. When it was unmistakably over, I remember my mom saying, “Sarah, you don’t have a decision to make here. God has removed it from you. Rest in Him.”

During this time of personal mourning, other joyous family events were taking place. I did not want to upstage joy with grief. I wanted to support and celebrate our family. I was also learning that it is difficult for friends, family members, even the mom herself, to know how to respond to this loss… No one knows what to say. So, I tried to conceal the pain… Yet, I thank the Lord for the support of my mom, the love of my husband, and the laughter, brought on by our hilarious, little boy.

Time began to move. I sought medical and spiritual answers to understand why this had happened. I felt I had failed. I wanted to know why we had lost. We were not getting practical answers. But, more than this, I wanted spiritual answers: How could this happen? How did we lose? We were in faith. How could the enemy win? I remember sitting with a pastor friend of mine. He said to me, “God always wins.” He explained that, what the Lord created and intended, He is accomplishing in heaven, where sin does not taint or destruct.

Soon, grief gave way to a holy desperation within me. I knew the Holy Spirit was yet birthing something in me… continued vision for our family. He was showing me the puzzle was not yet complete. I needed to fight again! I needed to fight with the weapon of courage to put our hearts out there again. Though frightened beyond belief, the Lord poured out His grace, wisdom from our doctor, and holy desperation to move forward.

In February of 2012, we were flooded by God’s goodness. We conceived who would become my best, little, girl friend – our sweet, precious, rainbow baby, Madison Laine. God knew I needed her – exactly her. Our loving doctor was so giving of ultrasounds and opportunities to hear her heartbeat over and over, to give us peace and joy. And, on November 6th, 2012, during the presidential elections, that joy was fulfilled with the birth of our precious Madison Laine.

The love we have for our children is, again, best described as desperate. I have hugged and protected Maddie and Zane, also a miracle baby (!), desperately, beyond grateful for the two treasures God has used to build out a truly fulfilling, meaningful life for us. Understanding the earth’s confinement of time – that I could not have her preciousness and the baby who was lost – I have always felt a sense of deep gratitude for God’s infinite wisdom that He gave me her… our sweet, darling Madison Laine.

We have had a number of rough years along the way since; and, I have always said to God, “Oh, how you knew I needed the light and the joy, the kindness and the compassion, of this girl to get me through this!” And, I just so enjoy these two characters, called Zane and Maddie. (Thank you, Lord!)

It’s when we speak of heaven, at church, that I feel my wound being exposed. In these moments, I allow myself to get distracted to ignore the pain. Yet, in this time-out of life, more than eight years later, I know God is bringing me face-to-face with my wound. In this sensitive and vulnerable place, He is teaching me that He is there. He tends to it, He corrects it, He wins.

God is showing me that two, deeply complex emotions, two deeply complex situations, can happen simultaneously – one blessing on earth and another in heaven. It’s what my friend and pastor, Wes, calls “the tension.” Time does not confine heaven as it confines us.

In this time, as God gives me a deeper glimpse into my heart, where the wound resides, He reminds me it is okay. It is okay to open my heart to Him and to ask a few questions. After all, He seeks truth, desires to give us revelation and to impart healing.

In these times where the sacred things are being exposed, where the Lord is shaking the earth… the Lord wants us to seek Him. He wants to be found by us. He wants you to open your heart. Give yourself permission to seek Him in the deepest places.

Today, I ask, Lord, who is this baby? Will she look like my children? Was it a girl? Is she a girl? Is there a way to know? What was her name? What is her name? Perhaps I won’t know any of these answers here on earth; but, by going to the Lord, I can receive comfort, deep within, through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, who brings healing about in our hearts and souls. And, deep in my heart, I know I have treasure waiting for me in heaven, that nothing can corrode, nor anyone steal.

I encourage you to be brave with your heart, with your hurt… with your pain and your wounds, especially at this time. I know it hurts… I cannot imagine the wounds you have. Maybe your rainbow has yet to come. But, God knows. He sees your heart. He sees the wound.

You are precious to God. The Bible says He even bottles your tears. That is how precious your heart is to Him. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book… God is on my side” (Psalm 56:8-9).

If you have experienced loss, I encourage you to seek healing. And, you are not alone. Reach out to our team of pastors. They… we… want to pray with you: Prayer@GraceSTL.org.

A relationship with Jesus is not simply about emotion or feeling good. A relationship with Jesus involves you. And, just like any other committed relationship, you must make a choice, every day. To protect your intimacy, you must have the tough conversations, put your cards on the table, expose your insecurities and your truth.

If you are tired and your emotions aren’t cutting it, maybe doubt is creeping in, go ahead, move from emotion to logic. Look at His actions, and ask yourself these questions:

• Has He always been true?
• When I was a mess, did it ever scare Him away?
• Has He ever left me when I needed Him?
• When I have been in pain, has He comforted me?
• Does He put me before Himself?
• Can I trust Him… with my things, with my dreams, with my future …with my heart, with my kids?

See, we must bring our doubts and insecurities, and in honesty, leave them at the table like any relationship we commit to. Yet, unlike any other relationship, we will never come up empty-handed.

• He always brings.
• He always shows up.
• He always provides.
• He’s always there.

So, if your emotions are taxed, and you need logic, know that Jesus is still Jesus, and He is always Jesus, no matter how you look at Him, regardless of how you shift or how you feel.

Looking at His “track record” in your life, you will find Him more than good, more than loving, always loyal, forever committed, ever safe and caring. He’s also very, very patient.

What’s going on in the economy has just impacted my husband, so our family, too. We’ve been in very stressful situations before… perhaps more times than I can even count. One such experience taxed me beyond my ability to feel. In that situation, I learned this: When the odds feel stacked against me, and my emotions betray me, I have a choice to make.

Go ahead, ask yourself this question, too: Will I choose to put my faith into practice, into action, even when I’m not feeling it? Will I truly take God at His Word? When my emotions have failed me, unable to be trusted, will I make the daily choice to believe everything I said I believe when I felt good?

You must make that choice. For me, yes, always; because, I know God is always with me, His Holy Spirit helps me in my weakness, and I simply can do nothing alone. (I’ve learned that the hard way!)

When the odds seem stacked against you, you need God more. You need reinforcements. That’s what the Christian walk is all about: We are sinful, so we try going it alone. We trust our emotions and we trust our abilities, when we should not. We let ourselves, and the world lets us down, and we say, Now what…? Help! And Jesus comes to the rescue… Every time, no matter how many times that is.

So, if your feelings are taxed, and you don’t even want to hear yourself talk, simply utter that four-letter-word that will actually get you somewhere, Help! And He will come bail you out, scoop you up, comfort you, and bandage you time and time again. He has already done it so many times, proven Himself so many times.

Keep choosing Him, every day, and you will get through this. He makes His Word good, and that is what makes Him supernatural in a very natural world. We love you, Jesus!

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrew 10:23).

Under pressure, everything within us on high alert, we come face-to-face with our issues. As the pot begins to boil, our insecurities manifest themselves in various areas of our lives. And, very often, our reaction is to hide.

We do all we can to keep the pot from boiling over: We dissipate the smoke, cover the smell, clean it up, pretend it’s not there. We piece together fragments and patch together stories to guard our pride, to maintain a sense of control. As we do, we forfeit a piece of our souls.

Yet, the Bible teaches us there is another way – a way out of the pain, a way out of the hiding. It says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Healing comes from confession, from facing our issues head-on, exposing our pain, relinquishing our pride and trading it for wholeness.

Why do we settle for fragments when we could be whole?

What are you hiding? Is it the weakness you feel, the wrong you have done…? Is it the pain that has been inflicted upon you? What threat or lie has been cast so deeply into your soul, that it has taken root and feeds on darkness? What pain occurred, what wound left untreated?

Who is it? Who has you captive, sweet friend? Who is your perpetrator? Is it shame or guilt? Is it addiction or condemnation? Is pride choking you, trapping truth inside a rock-hard shell? Who is it that threatens to take you out, to remove you from the game?

You hide, sweet soul… Where have you gone? Are you trapped in your most painful moment, stuck within addiction, riddled by the guilt that leaves you hanging by a thread, threatening to take you out? Where are you?

The Bible tells us, “nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light” (Mark 4:22). The truth always comes to light. Is it time? Is it time to expose the dead within you that it might come to life?

The Lord wants to save you. He wants to remove the barrier that separates you, break you free from prison and the chains that bind you. He beckons you to come out from hiding so He might restore you. He calls to you, His beloved:

“I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land” (Jeremiah 29:14).

Release the prisoner. Unhinge the latch that keeps you hiding, that keeps you in shame, that locks you in fear, anxiety and isolation. Come out of hiding. Take a step. Step out of the darkness and into His glorious light.

Step into the light, where maggots die, and light gives way to breath, and breath gives way to life. The Lord is drawing you, calling you, out of darkness… come home. Jesus came to set captives free, to restore them from torment and return them to the arms of their Father.

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free” (Isaiah 61:1).

Step out of your death, and step into your life. Freedom has come.

Uncertainty. It’s the word slipping into our nervous systems, rattling around in our brains and falling from our lips these days. Just as you recognize an entire area of your life you must totally reprocess and replan, you learn another of life’s large buckets has been assigned a press conference by evening. The news doesn’t stop, neither do the texts, the death tolls are rising, and every person, family and community is regrouping at every turn.

For those who really need time to process, you don’t have it. For those who choose flight instead of fight, there’s no place you can run. For those who want to fight, you haven’t yet met your opponent – the issues are still too nebulous to grasp. Uncertainty. Unknowns. Total lack of control. Anxiety. Fear. Panic. Wonder.

Though many of our basic needs are vulnerable, yet floating, most of us are asking, Why?

The logical are attempting to use logic, looking for all of the controlled factors that could equate to this situation; so we can, perhaps, back our way out of this methodically.

The innovators are out front, searching for solutions, as quickly as they come to them, to help navigate possible ways out.

The businesspeople are attempting to climb past emotion to mitigate loss and find a baseline of economic ground to stand on.

The marketers observe, watching consumers, looking for behaviors, reading statistics, awaiting new case studies and attempting to regroup.

The pioneers look for new ways of doing things, with little additional loss at risk because everything is risk, and this is the time to pilot.

Those in the frontlines serve, showing us sacrificial beauty, to their own detriment, yet building their legacy along the way.

The parents ache. They wonder. They protect. They feed. They teach. They stress. They pray. They Zoom. [Let’s face it: We all Zoom.]

And, the kids… oh, how I wonder what is going on in their hearts and minds. Ultimately, I believe they miss their friends, their opportunities, their communities – their grandparents, cousins, classrooms, gymnastics teams and playmates. [I pray the Lord tends to these little hearts and softens the nerves of the caretakers.]

And, the spiritual are asking what God is doing here… Though I am included in a number of the above, this is my stop. So, what is God doing here?

I have often had people come to me for advice, solutions or answers. As a result, too often, I actually thought I had them. Yet, life has humbled me, and I know I have nothing without God. Still, this brain ever moves, my utterances continually go up to God, and I attempt to override fear with faith.

But Tuesday got to me.

I have so much – beyond words – to be grateful for. And I want to pause with extreme gratitude… Yet, for some reason Tuesday, I surpassed logic and fight, and I felt. Perhaps oddly, the straw that broke the camel’s back was realizing that my kids can’t play on playgrounds for countless weeks – even months – of their lives.

Of everything going on in our economy, I don’t know why this broke me. It might be because our son has A.D.H.D., and his “medication” is activity. Perhaps it dawned on me that our basic, daily rights have been worn down by an invisible predator. Maybe I just took a breath and realized the state of the world; and, clearly, like everyone else, I didn’t like it. Or, maybe I, myself, with A.D.H.D.-tendencies felt claustrophobic. All I know is, I felt mad. Panic set in, and I had the first panic attack I’ve had in a long time.

That night, when I tucked our kids into bed, we opened my son’s cartoon Bible. Our “hero profile,” as this Bible introduces its characters, was on Job. I won’t get into all of the history of Job, but I will just summarize it this way:

Job was a good guy. He was a rich guy, but his wealth didn’t impede his love and devotion to God.

The devil, the menacing piece of junk he is, told God that Job would not love Him or serve Him, if he didn’t have all the things and all the goodness. God said, he will.

The enemy tested Job in disgusting ways, not only tearing away wealth but taking his sons and then his health. Job stayed true in his devotion to God. But, when his friends said they wouldn’t blame him if he just died, he began losing hope and cursed the day he was born.

In Job’s wallowing and self-pity, God steps in to wake him up and give him perspective. God says, “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand” (Job 38:2-4).

What is happening here is, Job – mortal man – has questioned the God of the universe; and now God, creator of the universe, has some questions for Job: Does Job know the meaning of life and how the universe operates? [Read Job 38. Whoa.] It becomes clear, quickly, that Job does not; because Job is not God, he is mortal man. Only God knows the answers because God is God and Job is not. [Spoiler alert: Job humbles himself before the mighty hand of God, and God lifts Job up, giving him more than he had before.]

This was the perfect Bible passage for me Tuesday night. The words, “brace yourself” reminded me to snap out of it – out of the self-pity, out of the fear and the anger. After all, who am I?

God is God, and I am not. He reigns over the earth and has dominion above all things. Who am I to question or to make suggestions? I am so glad He is on the throne – that He is God, and I am not. Consider myself humbled.

Though we naturally grapple for control, all we need to do at this time is put our trust in God, as He does the work that God does, which far surpasses our understanding. All the other things are far “above my pay grade,” and I can breathe a deep sigh of relief. I can just focus on loving and serving, knowing He has – as I sang as a child – the whole world in His hands.

Time to find things to do to serve.

Why do we think we’re being punished? The things that are being revoked are man-made. If man can make it, man can revoke it; and, I don’t want to be a slave to man. But, that which God made, man cannot revoke. That which God made is tended to, fruitful and full of life.

“He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth: wine that gladdens human hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts. The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted. There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the junipers” (Psalm 104:14-18).

Exit your cocoons. Step outside. Look around. Smell the air. See the skies. The green approaches. If it’s raining, it’s God watering the mountains from His upper chambers. If the sun is shining, the Lord is looking down with favor.

Oh, don’t be confused, oh my soul. What man made, man can revoke. But what God made, not man nor the devil can shake!

All things are inferior and subject to the hand of God.

“Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poor will also cry out and not be answered” (Proverbs 21:13).

Less separates us than we think. And, at some point, we all need each other. This is that point.

I remember interviewing my grandpa for a paper in high school: His dad died when he was 10. There were four boys, and it was the Great Depression. They lived in the back of a post office and only had coffee grounds to eat sometimes. He would stand in the “relief line” for bread and eggs, while the boys from school taunted him.

I remember feeling heartbroken for him. Yet, it was sympathy, not empathy; because it felt like a distant land — nothing that would ever happen in my lifetime. But, here we are, folks: Bread, eggs, a roll of toilet paper… it will help “regular” people. Nothing separates us from each other right now.

If you have extra of anything, as basic or as limited as it is, don’t feel insecure about that gift. Don’t underestimate it. That is a lot right now. Look to your left and your right. Find that person who needs it. And, if you need something — bread, eggs, a roll of toilet paper… as small as the gift might be, don’t feel insecure about receiving it right now.

After all, we are all really the same. This becomes blaringly obvious to me in these times. We need each other. Let’s learn to be sensitive to each other. We are being given the opportunity to see one another in a different light. We are being given the opportunity to learn how to love in a new way, to shore up our differences. And, love is worth the lesson.

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy” (Psalm 94:19).

def. Consolation. the comfort received by a person after a loss or a disappointment.

I remember being a little girl, full of worry, hoping the best for my parents, the best for our family. Though I felt small and powerless to create change, I often assume a feeling of blame for the problems that existed. (Why? Because the enemy is a liar and tries to deceive us.)

But, greater than that, and far more powerful was the presence of of God — the presence of His Holy Spirit that comforted me from a very young age. I knew He was always with me. I would talk to Him, and I knew He was ministering to me, speaking to my heart. He was – and remains to this day – my best friend.

When alone and scared, I have often felt as though a big, safe dad was holding me. The Lord is intentional in His friendship, in His presence, and in comforting us.

All throughout His Word, He reminds us of His intentionality in comforting and consoling us in our pain and disappointment:

“The lowly He sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety” (Job 5:11).

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:13-14).

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

“¹May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

As hard as we try to shield our children from discouragement and pain in life, we may not always be successful. Yet, the best thing we can do for our children is introduce them to Jesus and nurture them in their personal relationship with Him.

Of all the gifts and opportunities my parents gave me, I’m most thankful for their gift of feeding and nurturing my faith — for every Sunday school service, church service, prayer service, and youth group meeting they took me to.

After all, parents, try as we might, we are not strong enough, wise enough, or present enough to be all that they need. Circumstances come and go; and, one day, we will go too; but the presence of the Lord never leaves us…. never leaves them. He always comforts and keeps watch on our children all of their lives. He is like a strong tower that they can run to and be safe.

I pray that the Holy Spirit comforts you, comforts us, and comforts our children, through this difficult time. And I pray that they learn so much more about the Lord’s presence, and a friendship with Jesus, through this. May our heritage be faith in and friendship with the Lord for generations to come, in Jesus’ Name.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

A friend likes to remind me that God is not sitting in heaven wondering, or fretting over, how He will supply for us. I don’t imagine He is carrying the two, sharpening His pencil or furrowing His brow. Everything we need, He has. And He doesn’t have to ask permission or wait for a signature. He is our full supply of everything.

My husband, Justin, and I have been together for nearly 18 years. We have had our ups, with excess, and we have had our downs – even to the point of limiting our flushing to conserve water. (Yes. It’s true!)

Over time, we have had moments of wondering how we would pay our mortgage, keep the lights on, pay the water bill or medical bill, put food on the table, or pay our team. Moments like these are part of the ups and downs of life, for nearly everyone at different points along their journey. But, God has truly always supplied. Always!

God sees all of our needs. He knows what we need, even before we do. He sees the concerns that creep up, that even live at the surface for seasons at times, and He tells us to shift the weight of those burdens over to Him. The Bible reminds us, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

King David, who had seen it all, said, “Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the Godly abandoned or their children begging for bread” (Psalm 37:25).

The Lord speaks to our hearts. He shows up through action. He even appeals to our logic, to remind us that He is our provider! He is reminding us that He sees us, He sees our need, He supplies for us, and that He wants to supply for us; because, He loves us.

[Here comes a tough assertion.] Unfortunately, our culture has turned this into, “If you don’t make me rich, you don’t love me.” I really wonder what this does to the heart of God, what kind of intimacy this removes, and what we are missing out on when we do that.

Let me ask, would you rather have a dad who sent a large check to you every month to satisfy His responsibility, or a dad who wants to do life with you all throughout the journey every, single day? God, our heavenly dad, wants to supply for our needs. If you take a look back, I thing we would all agree that He has more than proven Himself good on His word. Yet, He wants to supply so much more than that.

He wants to be here in the daily with us, to provide a sturdy foundation, to extend friendship and comfort, to protect us, to give us wisdom to help us make tough decisions. He wants to be a real dad to us in the daily. That is so much more than financial supply.

God wants to teach us through the journey. He wants to build spiritual muscle in us so we get stronger and calmer through the difficulties of life. He wants to help us grow to be solid, to begin to think beyond ourselves, to be able to mature and to partner with Him in the work He is doing.

I remember hitting milestones of maturity as a child, a teen and a young adult. As I did, my parents opened up more opportunities to me, because I was maturing, getting emotionally stronger, and proving to be trustworthy in those areas.

God is, and He wants to be, our supplier. Yet, there is even so much more beyond that baseline of financial provision. He is teaching us who He is, and who we are, through this. And, He is preparing us for greater Kingdom accomplishment through it all… Like the real dad that He is.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9).

Everyone handles catastrophe differently. Some fight. Some run. Some retreat inwardly. Others erupt outwardly.

No one wants a catastrophe. Most people want to just act like themselves. But our emotions, our adrenaline, our hormones and chemicals are altered in times of disaster. You almost surely will experience odd interactions — maybe a few shorter texts than usual, a blunt email or two, all caps or exclamation points.

I used to take these personally, thinking they were happening to me. But, after experiencing numerous good people under stress or in crisis, I learned I just happened to be the one there, hearing or reading what was coming out, what had finally erupted in the moment, or even the pain of radio-silence as they withdrew.

In these times of crisis, in calamity, we work to have patience with each other, to treat each other with love and friendship. But, we – the ones on the receiving side of strange interactions with good people – we too have the option to extend grace and compassion. We can refuse to take it personally, seeing they are struggling, recognizing we just happen to be there when their “moment” happened, or that we are safe enough to be trusted with their pain.

We have the opportunity to be peacemakers.

Over time, I have had to learn where others end and I begin, to not own their feeling or accept the blame – resulting in defense, or take it to heart. I have learned that I must relinquish some of my own insecurity and sensitivity to be a peacemaker, but it is so worth it!

I have also learned that, when I fail to relinquish my own insecurity, I can respond in such a way that extends the drama past the moment of crisis into real life, and that is so sad and not worth it.

I am not suggesting we get close to, or tolerate bad behavior, from “iffy” people. The Bible tells us, “do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” (Proverbs 22: 24). Instead, remembering, “a soft answer turns away wrath, but a hard word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Everyone is super stressed. Let’s be the soft answer, the peacemaker. Jesus calls us blessed when we do, and I would rather be blessed than be “right.”

The disciples were waiting to see what would come next. All they knew was that Jesus was leaving them, that He was crucified, and that they would need courage. They didn’t know where they were going or what would happen next in their lives. All they knew, in this moment, was loss.

What could possibly be next? What could compare to what they had seen, what they had done, what they had been a part of with Jesus at work – bringing the Kingdom of God to earth, and including them? Now, all they knew was that He had died; and, here they were. Would what He said come to pass?

What would they do with this time. How much time would they now have, and how would they spend it? Fishing again? Really? How could that compare to the work of Jesus to the people? And, reality – in the natural, that is – had set in that Jesus was now buried.

They waited, but they didn’t know they were waiting. They were mourning. They were in shock. They didn’t know what to do or where to go next… and, all of this pain and devastation by their “friend” who betrayed them. How could this happen with such devastating severity?

Then, suddenly, the Marys came. They were leaping with boundless energy and joy – the very same Marys whose battle – they thought – had been lost, whose hearts utterly shattered! What was this news? Go to Galilee? …Okay. Where else would they go? What else would they do?

So they went, and JESUS CAME. JESUS CAME. He came! He had RISEN from the dead! He would ascend to be with the Father, but He came here to them, with orders first. He came with vision, direction, a calling, a commission, a purpose for them – for us:

“Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, ’All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’” (Matthew 28: 16-20).

And, now they knew where they would go, and they knew what they would do! They wouldn’t be left behind but included in this Kingdom journey! We had not lost. They were not left behind. It was a new season, one that would change the entire world for eternity, and they would be included!

*If you are waiting on Jesus, it can be difficult to wait. At times you even wonder if you are waiting or if it is just all “over.” But when you meditate on Him – shocked, heart broken, confused and in pain – remember that JESUS CAME.*

In the waiting, know He is real, and that He has words to give you, to show you where you go next. Your direction is coming. Keep waiting for the news, for the direction. Seek Him.

He comes with vision, direction, a calling, a commission, and purpose, to those with courage and to those who are lacking. And, He stamps His authority on it, and places His Spirit on us to see it through.

Don’t give up.