Sarah Guldalian

Love more. Cancel less.

I have experienced a strange phenomenon in which good people – those who have sacrificed their time, talents and resources for the good of others – are villainized rather than appreciated, suddenly put at an arm’s length with no explanation. They are simply canceled, all good erased, as if they no longer exist.

To be on the receiving end of this behavior is incredibly confusing, painful and heartbreaking. Many of us have been on the receiving end, and it hurts. Likewise, most of us have been the perpetrator at some point, canceling a friend or family member with no warning, conversation or explanation. They are suddenly dropped.

Perhaps we have convinced ourselves no one is this nice, believing they must be “up to something”; strings must be attached. Perhaps their kindness or their talents threaten us. We assume they must be exerting their power over us or are out for something more that we have yet to see. Perhaps they don’t do things exactly as we do, have a friend we wouldn’t, or believe slightly differently on a topic; and one day we turn our nose up, deeming them to be a “them,” not an “us”.

I look back wondering if I have done this to well-meaning, good-hearted people. I am ashamed to find I have done so at times in my haste to weed out the bad or to be sure I am not taken for. Insecurity, inferiority, or paranoia can manifest itself as self-protection and lead us to draw quick, irrational conclusions that hurt others. This is sad, and it is wrong. We wound each other so deeply when we do this.

We need one another, and we need to honor one another. We need to take time to see others for who they truly are. I pray, even in this evil world, that we can still believe in and recognize the good in people, that we can still accept love without questioning motives, that we can see the good in people rather than quickly jumping to judgement.

Currently, so many things stop us:

Doubt. We doubt that anyone can be good.
Complacency. We have allowed our hearts to be dulled amid our conspiracies, and it keeps us from caring.
Fear. We fear being taken advantage of and missing a red flag. Haughtiness. We believe our time and feelings are superior to others.

I pray this phenomenon among us stops. Through the Lord’s help, we can use discernment without cutting everyone out and alienating others.

The Bible helps us weigh the truth about people so our perspectives can be more balanced. It tells us this: “For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:43-45).

We do not need to be skeptical of everyone and everything, especially those who have continued to share love and bare fruit in our lives. I personally want to repent for my skepticism, for allowing my baggage to hurt good people, for not taking the time to rightly judge a situation, for quickly putting on my lens of judgement instead of love.

If you too want to change, if you want your filter to be cleansed, join me in asking the Lord to help us. I want to see others through a correct lens, through God’s eyes, His perspective. We need His help to reveal the truth of others’ motives; to preserve and protect relationships, to guard meaningful relationships rather than cancelling for fear of the bad.

Let’s stop cancelling each other and putting one another at an arm’s length, especially those whom we love and those who love us, “for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7), nor has He given us a spirit of haughtiness. Haughtiness and complacency come from our sinful nature.

My Prayer

Lord, would you cause your love to grow in us and abound towards others? Would you cause us to trust you more than we fear potential outcomes? Would you cause us to see others as you do? Would you remove the calluses and give us a clean heart? Help us think upon whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is admirable. Please help us put aside any haughtiness or insecurity that isolates others and isolates us. Help us to be more like you, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Controlling Anxiety

Anxiety. I have struggled with it along the way. Maybe you have too. Numerous friends and acquaintances are struggling with it these days as pressures and responsibilities mount with limited resources available to assist their families or boost their businesses. Many are feeling paralyzed by their fear of the unknown.

If you are someone who is experiencing fear or anxiety, I want to share some of the things I have learned over the years to hopefully help you realize 1) you are not alone, 2) you are not weird, 3) anxiety is not your demise, nor is it your friend. But your life does not stop because of anxiety. You can push through it and move forward!

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Anxiety seems to hit you out of nowhere — when you finally have a moment to relax, ironically, or think you are totally fine. It feels like a shot of adrenaline has flooded your system, your heart nearly beating out of your chest, yet you feel weak. It can be very confusing and very scary. Though it feels like it’s come out of nowhere, I assure you it is coming from somewhere deep within.

During the day, on the go or in the hot seat before others, we often do what it takes to push through, portraying strength or stability. Yet, we often have emotions within the shuffle that we have stuffed down and ignored, taking no time to address.

As our bodies or minds begin to slow down, these emotions often surface, sending us into a tailspin. Perhaps you lay down only to find you are scared, shaky, your chest is tight or it’s hard to breath. In those moments, I have found it helpful to sit up and focus on two things on repeat:

1) Focus on Jesus. Imagining His eyes, we have a focal point for peace. Remembering He takes our yolk upon Him, we remember we aren’t alone.

2) Sitting up, focus on deep, cleansing breaths. It is not enough to tell yourself to “just breath” as you will freak yourself out more under pressure. Focus your mind, gently reminding yourself, “In through the nose (deep, cleansing, slow breaths), out through the mouth.”

3) Then think upon Jesus again. Ask Him to captivate your nervous system, to get your body in alignment with His word, and for the Holy Spirit to comfort you.

4) Focus on your breathing again… “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

Later, perhaps another day that week, when you are calm, alone and able to sit down and reflect, pinpoint the things or people that trigger you to be anxious, angry, or to feel frustrated or invisible. Write out the factors that have a habit of riling you up, then come up with a plan to rewrite the script.

Come up with a plan to get power back in your life:
[After all, it’s your life!]

Flip off that station: Quit watching the news or reality TV.
Say no to the “friends” or family members who berate you.
Walk away from people who step over your boundaries.
Remove yourself from the situations that choke you.
Practice saying, “no,” and mean it.

Anxiety comes from feeling powerless. Yet, you are actually a giant with every super power when you have God living inside of you, His hand of protection over you and His angels surrounding you. Get your power back by surrendering your situation and relationships to God.

Ask God for His help to identify the problems making you feel oppressed.
Ask Him for wisdom and guidance on how to move away from those situations.
Ask Him for the grace and favor to do it.

Subtract chaos from your life. Infuse fun into your life! Add in joy-filled, faith-filled components:

Get a hobby. Take up painting, try sewing or dust off your bike.
Get healthy friends around you.
Journal your emotions. Don’t stuff them.
Go for a daily walk to increase endorphins, your “happy” chemicals.
Treat yourself. [Just watch your caffeine and sugar intake as these can increase your anxiety if overdone.]
Turn on upbeat music and dance or lip sync.
Get in nature. The beauty of God’s creation reminds us of His power, and our bodies love the fresh air He provides.

Take time to care of yourself! No one spends more time with you than you do. Be a good friend and caretaker. You matter. And, remember: You are not alone. You are not weird. Focus on Jesus. And, when in doubt, tell a friend.

Walk Away

Release. Resign. Renounce. Walk away from the darkness. Have nothing to do with it.Expose it for what it is. Renounce it from your life. Give darkness no power over your life, no time on your calendar, no fear over you mind, no platform through your discussions, no consideration in your plan-making.

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Ephesians 5:11).

Expose the things that creep. Call them out by name. Renounce them in the name of Jesus, and walk away. Live, breathe, think, speak and act under the covering of God, under the protection of His angels, by the wisdom given to you through the Holy Spirit, and by the strength of God’s power, operating with the authority given to you in the name of Jesus.

Create. Plan. Paint. Laugh. Write. Cook. Shop. Raise your children. Use your gifts. Live your life. Rebuild the ancient ruins. Restore the places devastated in your life. Sons and daughters, prophesy. Young men, see visions. Old men, dream dreams.

Walk away from the darkness, that which is not yours, and step into His glorious light. Step into your gifts. Step into your calling. It is time to awake.

Wake up. Slumber no more. Fear no more. Freeze no more.

Look forward. Contribute beauty. Plant. Create. Plan. Invest. Pray. Trust. Live. Life is happening beneath the drama. Step out of the drama. Step out of the cloud. Walk away from the darkness.

Trust God more than you fear others. “The fear of man is a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is set securely on high” (Proverbs 29:25).

So, go live your life. It was given to you. What will you do with it today?

And, not or

God is the God of “and,” not “or.“

I have learned that God is the God of “and,” not “or.” Nothing is limited in Him and all things are possible with Him. God doesn’t love, bless and forgive me but forsake you. He is the God of “and,” not “or.” He loves, forgives, heals and blesses you, and He loves, forgives, heals and blesses me, even if you and I once hurt each other.

Apply this to your life: Could your situation – the one that rubs so harshly between you, like bone against bone – be “and”, not “or?” Couldn’t your experience be true and their experience be true? Could it be “and,” not “or”? Could there be validity in each? Things are complicated. Not everything is as black and white as our minds and pride might prefer.

Thankfully, God knows how to take complex, oddly shaped, uncomfortable things and redeem them through His love, to work together in love for our good and His glory. Our minds can’t comprehend it but God can clean, heal, purify and realign relationships, patching them together beautifully. But we have to loosen our grip, release our pride, extend our trust, open our hearts and watch Him, and wait on Him. When we do, He turns beauty from ashes.

Likewise, in my life I have learned that, unless there is a clear right and wrong as laid out in the Bible, when we as friends jump to “or” thinking in support or protection of our friend, who is in a disagreement with another, we do not truly support them as we may stunt healing and reconciliation. As friends or family, we do not have to “pick sides.” We can actually be peace-agents and used by God when we ask God to show us and guide us in His love for both.

The Time to Be

We must recognize when it is time to stop looking and to start being.

When I could find a moment, I used to drive around, in search of myself. Perhaps a street corner would jog my memory or maybe a museum, and I might draw enough inspiration to keep running for awhile.

The other day, I found a moment to myself for the first time in awhile, so I did what I have done for 20 years: I started driving. I didn’t see anything that grabbed my attention or inspired me. I drove past the old, usual places, but nothing stood out.

At first, I wondered if I was dull. I felt as though there was something to be seen or learned but nothing was coming to me as I looked around me. So I asked God, “What do you want me to know, God?” Very calmly, I sensed Him saying to me, “You were searching for something (then), and now you have found it. Enjoy.” Filled with peace, I smiled, turned around and headed back to my home to live my life.

This moment revealed how truly important it is for our lives, and the lives of those God has called us to serve and do life with, to know when it is time to stop looking and to simply start being.

The Lost Coin

I was utterly lost and confused. I had come out of the gate running, full of faith, full of the Word, full of innovation, energy, and passion. Yet, the road had been fast, intense, and bumpy, and I had lost myself along the way. I had lost my path, my energy, my enthusiasm, my joy. I had lost myself.

I was in a season of lament, asking, “Where did I take the wrong direction? I thought it was you, God. How could something that seemed so good turn out to be so bad?” And here I found myself utterly lost and confused, a walking shell, comprised of endless obligations without margin or peace.

Though I felt numb most days, a smile was painted on my face as a mask. Inside of this large persona, I felt tiny, even miniscule. I felt like I was trapped in the belly of the whale. I felt lifeless, used, misunderstood, and treated poorly. I felt lost. And all the noise in my life, mainly fear, seemed to be drowning out the voice of God – or at least my ability to hear Him. Instead, my mind was racing, filled with unhealthy, recycled thoughts. I needed a way out of this place, but then again, this place I had found myself in was unfamiliar. Unacquainted with where I was, it was hard to know what direction to go to get out.

One day, I brought our children to our favorite park, one where we had experienced carefree days before. The sun was out, and the surrounding trees provided shade and a delightful breeze. It was gorgeous. It was peaceful. Peace was a rare commodity those days. It felt familiar, yet from earlier days. It was here that I heard from God. He broke through my pride, my fear, and my frozenness. He spoke words of life.

I felt the Lord say to me, “What do you do when you lose something?… You retrace your steps. You go back to where you left it, and you reclaim it. Then you call your friends to celebrate.”

This was LIFE giving! I knew it was the Lord speaking within me, guiding me to the beginning of a journey towards healing, by taking me back to the place I had lost myself. Though I had known I was missing something, I hadn’t been able to put my finger on what I was missing and didn’t know if I would ever find it until this point. (I think of a verse from a John Mayer song that says, “Something’s missing, And I don’t know how to fix it… And I don’t know what it is.” I had been in this place for awhile.)

The Lord knew what was wrong, what eluded me, what was missing. He always knows. And, in His loving kindness, He pointed me to Luke 15:8-10 that day and showed me I was the lost coin.

“…Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

I had lost myself along the way – lost myself to pride and fear of man. God wanted to bring me back to the beginning to remind me who I am, who He created me to be. He wanted me to surrender, to lay down my brokenness, and to repent for trying to go it on my own, so I could walk on the path He has paved for me – not the path paved by man, or success or myself, but the path He had carved out for me. After all, it is only when we are walking on the path He has laid for us that we will truly be who we were created to be and find fulfillment. His plans for us are far better than our creative brains could imagine.

Does this resonate with you? Have you lost yourself? If you have, I suggest you start looking. Look to God to show you the way. Ask Him what you lost. Ask Him to help you retrace your steps to find out what you left behind, where you took the wrong fork in the road, and to help you reclaim it.

When you lay down your garbled, twisted road map, surrendering to Him, it is amazing to see how He provides clarity, revelation, and a way out! He sweeps us up in His arms, bandages us, heals us, and sets us back on the right path, the one He had established for us.

I pray that, as you journey towards healing, the Lord shows you where you lost yourself and reclaims you for His purposes to come to pass in your life!

The Flame of Hope

Hope. It is the light that flickers deep inside, fueling us through the hard times, the seemingly catastrophic. Hope trusts there is light at the other end of the tunnel, a positive outcome on the other side of the investment or the journey.

We need hope to survive, to power through, to wage war, to keep pushing through the tunnel, and to continue investing our energy. We must hold on to it, no matter what the diagnosis, prognosis or the news reports. Those who lose hope are in a dangerous situation. We must value our lives as creations of God, made in His image, by fighting to maintain our hope against all odds.

What is “Hope”? def.

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
a person or thing that may help or save someone
grounds for believing that something good may happen.

Let me ask you:

On what are you placing your hope – your expectation, your trust, your beliefs?
Who are you trusting to save you, to pull you out of this situation?

Where we place our Hope is most paramount, especially these days and in the days to come. If Hope is such a powerful life force, we must use wisdom and prudence in where we place our hope. We mustn’t trust just anyone or any situation we see with the naked eye.

What is your source of hope?
Who is your source of hope?

If you place your hope in the stock market, the job market, in politicians, medical professionals, clients, customers, others, yourself… your hope will certainly wain. The projections aren’t always up, and the prognosis might even be consistently down. But these are unreliable places to put our trust. They are guided by finite, limited people. We mustn’t connect our ships to them, because as they wain, we will wain, and these are a shifting target by the hour.

We NEED hope. We must place our hope in the trusted source, and we must guard our hope by detaching from hopeless situations and unreliable sources, those that blow like reeds in the wind.

There is just one trusted, reliable source — one untainted leader, person, and God; one “economy” that is unwavering: God Himself and His Kingdom, are unshifting, never-changing, more powerful than any person or situation.

“The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes” (Proverbs 21:1). Only God has the ultimate veto, the ability to cease wars, expose darkness, overthrow evil, provide restoration, bring healing, turn the trajectory of your accounts, and heap endless good upon good on you. Only He fully has good in store for you, no hidden agendas, for those who follows Him and seeks Him.

“No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause” (Psalm 25:3). You can trust Him! You can solidly, confidently place your hope in Him!

If you are beginning to give up hope, I beg you to HOLD ON! We NEED hope. You NEED hope. Never give up hope! Simply reassess where you draw your Hope, and anchor your trust upon the only truly reliable source of hope: God Himself.

“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans‬ ‭15:13).‬ ‭

Once we shift our trust off of the shifting targets and sinking sand, and we anchor all of our hope in the Lord, then we will experience the joy and the peace we were so missing. Then we can exchange our insecurity for confidence and for power.

Hold on to hope. How? Hold on to God. Trust that, despite everything else you hear, He is good, and He has good for your life – even better than you could possibly imagine right now. He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20)!

God is bigger than the evil, far brighter than the darkness. He always wins! And, knowing that He is working out good for you behind the scenes, simply rest, knowing your hope is secure because you have trusted the reliable source for all good things.

Falling

Strength. It’s the characteristic that has defined you. You work out, eat well, build muscle. You are sharp. You have received an education. You read, ask questions and receive answers. You are experienced. You have become a master in you area of gifting, advising those younger. You may be financially solid. You have worked, invested, and stewarded. Strong, sharp, solid.

Yet, without fail, a time comes for each and every one of us where we feel like we are falling from what we once were, from where we once were. The truth is, being strong, educated and experienced… all of these fail us at some point. Your body doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. An injury or age sets in. Education isn’t enough, and you can’t figure out why. Your usual routine or equation no longer works. The decisions of others or your own blind spots shake your financial stability.

There comes a time where anything temporal reveals its finite nature. What excelled in that season, works no longer. Though it may feel like the bottom is falling out beneath you, there is good news: “The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him” (Nahum‬ ‭1:7).

It turns out, your strength doesn’t lie in the gym or grocery store. Your favor doesn’t come from your discipline, earthy effort or I.Q. Your stability doesn’t come through your dexterity with accounting. It turns out that investing your trust in the Lord – the good, sovereign king – is what will help you, will catch you, when trouble comes.

If your usual elements of stability are feeling shaken and you are feeling weak, insecure or unstable, it has or will happen to us all on this side of heaven. Yet, there is good news: When you put your trust in God, you can know with confidence that you are stronger than you have ever been. Though you may feel like a mouse, and maybe for the first time, you are as mighty as the God within you, and He is enormous.

Invite God into your life, into every area of your life. Invest your trust in Him. Lay all you have at His feet – your weakness, your fear, and insecurity. Tell Him you trust Him. Though it feels counterintuitive in this world that sold us “self-made,” you will see that you have never been stronger, more secure, more solid or more fulfilled than when you give it all up and surrender it to God.

When you surrender it all to Him, stripping yourself down from what the world offered, you are now open to supernatural strength, and supernatural trumps the very best you can attain on this earth in your prime. “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).

When you lay it all down – your strength, your intelligence, your success, your ego, your fear, your pride, you will decrease. And when you decrease, that creates room for God to increase within you, giving strength to every area of your life – spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Oh, guys, surrender it. Trade it all in. I promise, you are trading up! “The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him” (Nahum‬ ‭1:7). He is so, so good, and so, so near to those who trust Him.

Taking Out The Trash

People are acting strangely. It awakens emotion in us. We start thinking differently, speaking differently, maybe even acting differently. Fear has been a go-to emotion for me when smacked with unexpected change or impending doom. [Honest admission] Another has been cussing — one word in particular. (It rhymes with knit.)

Growing up with a grandma who charged a dollar for saying “shut up” or “hate,” I recognize the power of words. Being that I have never felt good after saying this word, I feel its wrong for me to do. After all, words are a gift, and my desire is to use words for good and God’s glory. Yet, under stress, with a web site down or a deal panning out poorly, I have excused it as a lesser of evils along the way, especially since it’s mostly been under my breath to myself.

A couple years ago, I decided it was time to break this habit. After all, it isn’t classy or productive, and I wouldn’t say it around my children, so I didn’t want to slip and say it around the other good people in my life. So I knew I had to get it out of my vocabulary altogether. To aid in the process, I told a few friends and prayed. And, honestly, God helped me refrain! Well, recently, I have noticed it slipping into my brain filter here or there, causing extra effort in the self-control department, leaving me wondering, what gives?! I thought I had tackled this!

I decided to ask God about this. He showed me I am letting garbage in. Garbage smells, and it impacts the things around it. And, let’s face it, garbage is EVERYWHERE right now! Therefore, if I want to preserve a clean mind, I must work extra to avoid becoming a garbage receptacle! I must change what goes into my mind to control what comes out of my mouth.

The Bible reveals the real danger in allowing sin to win out over the desires of the Holy Spirit. It says, “letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace” (Romans 8:6). Whoa! I want life and peace, not death! I am bound and determined to see the Spirit win in my life.

To be sure I recognize the attributes of “the sinful nature” compared to those that characterize the Spirit, I cracked into Ephesians 5 and Galatians 5 to help spell it all out:

“Letting your sinful nature [sexual immorality, any kind of impurity, greed, obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, or idolatry] control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit [love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control] control your mind leads to life and peace” (Romans 8:6).

No wonder I have felt blech about this my whole life: Cussing is obscene and foolish. The Holy Spirit has been flashing red lights at me. If allowing garbage in is causing this unwanted habit, I must be more vigilant in protecting myself from negative influences.

Maybe you have never fought cussing, and maybe you think this is a stupid example. [Lol] What habit do you fight? Maybe you fight gossiping, overspending, codependency, binging, or overindulging. With all the garbage swirling around us, you may also notice unwanted thoughts, words or attitudes cropping up in you too.

There is a war going on within us between the Spirit, which we were given upon receiving Christ, and our sinful nature, which we were born into. As children of God, we are called to walk in the Spirit. Yet, we face internal opposition daily, as described by Paul in Galatians: “The flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please” (Galatians 5:17).

We must be aware of what we are allowing into our eyes and our ears, the windows to our souls. These things can be weapons against the enemy, if we fill ourselves with the Spirit, or they can be weapons used against us to manipulate our emotions, leading to sin and ultimately death, if we are not careful. It is imperative we remove the garbage, the distractions, from our lives to pursue the things of God.

What would you say is currently guiding your thinking? Is it your sinful nature or the Spirit? Look at the fruit of your thinking: Is it greed or is it faithfulness? Is it sex or is it self-control? Is it obscenity or is it goodness? If it’s greed, sex or obscenity, your sinful nature is working to guide you towards death. Whereas, when we allow the Holy Spirit to control us, we are guided to eternal life!

Once we recognize this war going on within us, it is time for an assessment to identify the influences – the weapons – being used against us. Join me! Let’s write down the things fueling our sinful nature to know what to cut out, and write down the things that bear fruit, guiding us towards abundant life.

Self-assessment

What are you filling your mind with?
- What are you watching?
- What are you listening to?
- What are you reading?
What emotions are welling up in you as a result?
- Is it love, joy and goodness, leading to life?
- Or, is it anger, greed or impurity, leading to death?
What influences are causing you to think profanely instead of purely?
- Is it the news, something you shouldn’t be watching, or are you obsessing over a deal or person that hurt you?
What positive influences can you infuse into your life?
- A few ideas might be the Word of God, uplifting messages, encouraging music, and healthy, loving relationships.

What we put into our eyes and ears influences what goes into our hearts and minds. What is in our hearts and minds dictates our walk. The direction we walk in dictates whether we have life or death. Let’s fight the good fight together to walk in the Spirit!

P.S. We all mess up and need Jesus! If you cuss, binge, overspend, or anything else, know that God loves you, and He is willing to help you. He is the one that creates the desire within you to change and actually causes the change in you. So, simply start by praying and asking for His help! We are in this together!

A Quest for Humility

“True humility and fear of the Lord lead to riches, honor and long life” (Proverbs 22:4).

Humility used to be a hard word for me latch onto, sort of like “sabbatical.” (Huh?) It felt like a leadership buzzword, a core value, something people said to appear good and trustworthy but not a trait they would embody or actually walk in. (I know… God is healing my heart in areas where it has been jaded.)

Wipe away the leadership and missional quotes and get to the grit: What is humility really? It’s important we know what it is and what it looks like in our lives because we NEED humility to be saved, to be blessed and to prosper, as it says time and again in the Bible.

The Verse of the Day in my Bible app yesterday was Zephaniah 2:3, which says, “Seek the Lord, all who are humble, and follow His commands. Seek to do what is right and to live humbly. Perhaps even yet the Lord will protect you – protect you from His anger on that day of destruction.” When we are humble, when we seek to do right, God will protect us.

I have always had a tender heart to do what is right. Have I always done it? Well, let’s not look to ages 18-to-20 to answer that, please. But I have always sought to do right even to the point of getting into the weeds to find the exact “right” way oftentimes. (In my humanness, I have not always accomplished it, of course.) But, this humility piece, what is it?

I wasn’t raise to sit down and be quiet. I was brought up and educated to present and perform – theater, dance, writing and a background in Broadcasting. Frankly, I didn’t think this idea of humility was a possibility for me. After all, I’m not shy or quiet. But, that’s not what humility is. Humility isn’t being shy or not using your creative abilities. God gave you gifts so you would use them.

Humility, by definition, is, “a modest or low view of one’s own importance.” Our minds can take this so many wrong ways – that we should feel bad about ourselves, that we must beat ourselves up and live in condemnation, or that we should give away everything we have to the point of our own detriment or sickness. This is not humility. Nope. That’s the devil trying to warp a beautiful, powerful thing by using it against us, as usual. (Snore.) I’ve done that in my 20s with eating issues. Those are just distractions from the enemy to get us off course.

I’m on a path to humility too, and here’s what I’m learning as I walk with the Lord: In my life, with the way my brain works, someone can’t just tell me to be humble. Humility is best shown by example as displayed through others’ behaviors, inspiring me to be better. Here’s what I mean:

Look at Jesus… You can imagine Him in your mind’s eye, or even as you have seen Him portrayed in The Chosen series, Jesus of Nazareth or through beautiful paintings, like this one that marked my childhood. It sat at the top of my grandparent’s stairs. I would walk into the foyer and look up to see the welcoming face of Jesus. He was looking straight at me with such a soft, kind face that, even without words, said, “I love you.”

For me, humility is personified through the eyes of Jesus. His eyes say it all: Kindness, gentleness, warmth, and love… that He sees me, welcomes me, puts me first, cares for me, and sacrifices for me because He loves me.

The kindness of Jesus teaches me what humility is. I see it. He shows me. He personifies it. He gives to me, nurtures me. He puts me first.

Humility is more than a word. It’s a heart, a spirit of sacrificing for others, putting others first. I see it in the eyes. It’s what first drew my attention to my husband. It’s what led me to follow my grandfather anywhere he went: Their eyes, their kindness, spoke, saying, “You matter to me!”

I have come to learn humility by watching others. I watch sweet, quiet, hard-working people I work with who give because of love. I learn humility by watching my step-dad serve others through his gifts to fix issues in their homes. It’s all because of love, not reward or accolade. It’s because of love.

Here’s what I’ve learned about humility in my journey so far:

Humility not only says but it shows, “you matter.” It shows you matter not because of what you can do for me or where you can get me but because of who you are.
Humility says, “my time is not more valuable than yours but you are more valuable than my time.”
Humility says, “life doesn’t owe me anything but I am blessed for everything God has chosen to give me.”
Humility says, “your thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter as much as mine.”
Humility makes room for others instead of just for one’s self.
Humility is a loving attitude yet it is so much more. It is a heart-posture.

The Lord has been teaching me humility. Yet, even as He teaches me, He does so with gentleness and love because Jesus is the personification of humility. And, thank you to the beautiful people in my life who have been teaching me humility by your love, gentleness and kindness too. I am so grateful for you.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. So, as we grow in humility, dying to ourselves and our own selfish ambitions, we grow in grace. More grace abounds towards us. What a gift.

Thank you, Lord, for your loving correction and grace poured out for me, for us. I love you. Amen.