\\ a call for reconciliation among people //
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I really want you to change. You are hurting my feelings, and it is breaking my heart. And, as you do, a crust forms around my heart, slowly hardening it, one layer at a time.
Perhaps I will just wear it like armor. It will become a fortress around my heart and keep me safe so you cannot get in. But why does it still hurt?
Ah… I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right. It feels wrong. This isn’t me at all. Something is very, very wrong here. But will it ever change…? Will you ever change? How can I make you change?
[epiphany] I m u s t c h a n g e.
… For just as I am faced with your aggression, so are you encountering mine. And as we meet, we mirror and we match, and unfortunately, we grow… puffed up with ego and pride to protect our broken hearts.
But we are the same. We have the same hurt… and when we hurt each other, we heap hurt upon ourselves too. After all, we were both made by God, made equal in His eyes. For He loves you as much as He loves me. We together are His children — brothers and sisters.
We are a mirror… your hurt like mine. But I do not want to mirror your aggression, nor should you mirror mine. If we grow, let it be in good. If we accelerate let it be with peace.
What if we start over… and we try on grace?
But how do we begin?
Ah… I will start… for when I do, you will encounter grace, and I will feel peace for I will be the me I was created to be. And grace has a way of spreading, and loosening, and softening those who are near.
So, yes, today I will change. I will put on grace, and I pray that you see it. Far more than you see it, I hope that you will feel it… that you loosen, that you soften, that you experience the good side of me… when I am no longer puffed up with pride but swelling with love.
And perhaps when you do, you will put down your sword… and after awhile, maybe you will find you are safe. And when you have, perhaps we will speak instead of shout… listen instead of lecture… love instead of blame.
And perhaps we will get back on track. And we will both live the lives we were called to live.
Yes. Today I will try on grace.
Sarah Guldalian 