Uncertainty

Uncertainty. It’s the word slipping into our nervous systems, rattling around in our brains and falling from our lips these days. Just as you recognize an entire area of your life you must totally reprocess and replan, you learn another of life’s large buckets has been assigned a press conference by evening. The news doesn’t stop, neither do the texts, the death tolls are rising, and every person, family and community is regrouping at every turn.

For those who really need time to process, you don’t have it. For those who choose flight instead of fight, there’s no place you can run. For those who want to fight, you haven’t yet met your opponent – the issues are still too nebulous to grasp. Uncertainty. Unknowns. Total lack of control. Anxiety. Fear. Panic. Wonder.

Though many of our basic needs are vulnerable, yet floating, most of us are asking, Why?

The logical are attempting to use logic, looking for all of the controlled factors that could equate to this situation; so we can, perhaps, back our way out of this methodically.

The innovators are out front, searching for solutions, as quickly as they come to them, to help navigate possible ways out.

The businesspeople are attempting to climb past emotion to mitigate loss and find a baseline of economic ground to stand on.

The marketers observe, watching consumers, looking for behaviors, reading statistics, awaiting new case studies and attempting to regroup.

The pioneers look for new ways of doing things, with little additional loss at risk because everything is risk, and this is the time to pilot.

Those in the frontlines serve, showing us sacrificial beauty, to their own detriment, yet building their legacy along the way.

The parents ache. They wonder. They protect. They feed. They teach. They stress. They pray. They Zoom. [Let’s face it: We all Zoom.]

And, the kids… oh, how I wonder what is going on in their hearts and minds. Ultimately, I believe they miss their friends, their opportunities, their communities – their grandparents, cousins, classrooms, gymnastics teams and playmates. [I pray the Lord tends to these little hearts and softens the nerves of the caretakers.]

And, the spiritual are asking what God is doing here… Though I am included in a number of the above, this is my stop. So, what is God doing here?

I have often had people come to me for advice, solutions or answers. As a result, too often, I actually thought I had them. Yet, life has humbled me, and I know I have nothing without God. Still, this brain ever moves, my utterances continually go up to God, and I attempt to override fear with faith.

But Tuesday got to me.

I have so much – beyond words – to be grateful for. And I want to pause with extreme gratitude… Yet, for some reason Tuesday, I surpassed logic and fight, and I felt. Perhaps oddly, the straw that broke the camel’s back was realizing that my kids can’t play on playgrounds for countless weeks – even months – of their lives.

Of everything going on in our economy, I don’t know why this broke me. It might be because our son has A.D.H.D., and his “medication” is activity. Perhaps it dawned on me that our basic, daily rights have been worn down by an invisible predator. Maybe I just took a breath and realized the state of the world; and, clearly, like everyone else, I didn’t like it. Or, maybe I, myself, with A.D.H.D.-tendencies felt claustrophobic. All I know is, I felt mad. Panic set in, and I had the first panic attack I’ve had in a long time.

That night, when I tucked our kids into bed, we opened my son’s cartoon Bible. Our “hero profile,” as this Bible introduces its characters, was on Job. I won’t get into all of the history of Job, but I will just summarize it this way:

Job was a good guy. He was a rich guy, but his wealth didn’t impede his love and devotion to God.

The devil, the menacing piece of junk he is, told God that Job would not love Him or serve Him, if he didn’t have all the things and all the goodness. God said, he will.

The enemy tested Job in disgusting ways, not only tearing away wealth but taking his sons and then his health. Job stayed true in his devotion to God. But, when his friends said they wouldn’t blame him if he just died, he began losing hope and cursed the day he was born.

In Job’s wallowing and self-pity, God steps in to wake him up and give him perspective. God says, “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand” (Job 38:2-4).

What is happening here is, Job – mortal man – has questioned the God of the universe; and now God, creator of the universe, has some questions for Job: Does Job know the meaning of life and how the universe operates? [Read Job 38. Whoa.] It becomes clear, quickly, that Job does not; because Job is not God, he is mortal man. Only God knows the answers because God is God and Job is not. [Spoiler alert: Job humbles himself before the mighty hand of God, and God lifts Job up, giving him more than he had before.]

This was the perfect Bible passage for me Tuesday night. The words, “brace yourself” reminded me to snap out of it – out of the self-pity, out of the fear and the anger. After all, who am I?

God is God, and I am not. He reigns over the earth and has dominion above all things. Who am I to question or to make suggestions? I am so glad He is on the throne – that He is God, and I am not. Consider myself humbled.

Though we naturally grapple for control, all we need to do at this time is put our trust in God, as He does the work that God does, which far surpasses our understanding. All the other things are far “above my pay grade,” and I can breathe a deep sigh of relief. I can just focus on loving and serving, knowing He has – as I sang as a child – the whole world in His hands.

Time to find things to do to serve.